July 2017
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sexual attraction to unavailable person / first date with someone I didn't know


There's this one person I know that I'm pretty unbearably attracted to, omfg. I've never felt such a strong physical attraction to someone. It's like an ethereal connection (spirit, soul, heart) in strength and meaning, but it's a body connection. We thrive on touch in similar ways. and oh God/dess, last time I saw zir we ended up alone by accident (two people went off to the bathroom) and I thought "oh shit, I meant to avoid this!" and then ze made eye contact with me and I could feel the pull like a magnet. I looked away in a hurry just as ze asked "what are you thinking?" and I shook my head and said, "I just had a thought that I'm not going to share." Because what went through my mind (in VIVID pictures) was a very visceral desire to climb on top of zir and kiss and fuck (or at least dry hump), right then and there. (and if ze were single I could see zir going right along with that) WHY must I feel this way about a MONOGAMOUS person, dammit! And I wonder if I'd feel this so strongly if ze WERE available, or if part of it is the 'safety' of passion that cannot burn freely through me. (if that is part of it I imagine it's a small part, because I'm pretty fiercely attracted to Ben and there's not much limitation there)

And to change the topic to actually-available interesting people, I had my first date-with-a-stranger last week. It was SO STRANGE for me -- I'm used to spending time with mutual strangers and people I know well, but I've never met up with someone who knew me pretty well (from my LJ) whom I didn't know at all. I didn't expect to have anything in common but there were some things that stood out -- in particular, ze has some of the same movement mannerisms! There is this little head-tilt-back-n-forth thing that I do when explaining (which I realized I do when I watched a video of me talking, heh) that ze also does (and I found it impossibly cute). And ze's touchy in what SEEMS to be a similar way but I can't say for sure because I just haven't spent enough time with zir (and I didn't really touch zir much). And ze empathizes in a similar way, not sure how to describe it -- maybe "emphatic validation" would give the right idea. I mean, some people will say, "ohh, that sucks" but they're saying that in a logical way, not placing themselves into the situation and FEELING it and saying "ouch! that sucks!" with an actual emotional pang, and often with a verbalized "if/when that happened to me I'd feel/I felt ____." Even without the verbal bit I can feel the difference, and the latter is pretty rare. And ze seems to be very visually-oriented like me, distracted by my gorgeousness and plying me with compliments :D We talked for three and a half hours and it felt like half of that -- I was really surprised to see the time. I definitely want to get to know zir better. I liked how much eye contact ze made -- that's a pretty big deal for me, I'm realizing. Lengthy eye contact is one of the most intense ways I can connect with a person, and so few people will let you gaze into them. (not using zir name yet because I haven't yet asked how ze feels about that)


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sidheblessed ══╣╠══
girlslovegirls7 ══╣╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.