December 2017
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weathering differences with Ash and becoming closer friends / portraits of Ash painting


A long time ago I was mapping out connections with various friends, and Ash felt a bit hurt that I didn't see any connection at all between us. But like I said then, connections are about similarities, and Ash and I have NO SIMILARITIES. (ze used to think we did but now agrees that we don't!) It's odd because we live our lives in somewhat similar ways -- we're both queer and pagan and poly and open/honest -- but while what we DO might be similar on the surface, we're so different in our whys and hows. Pretty much opposite, most of the time. And considering that Ash and I have inverted signs (I'm sun-Aquarius moon-Sagittarius, and ze's sun-Sagittarius moon-Aquarius) and are such total opposites, I'm a BIT more inclined to consider the zodiac relevant!

It's been a WILD ride, being flatmates with Ash. For a while through January and February I feared that our friendship would not survive living together. We kept falling into these MASSIVE, WRENCHING fights because we do not speak the same language but we thought we did. I'd say something and Ash would hear the EXACT OPPOSITE of my intent, and vice versa. For a while I just tried to avoid zir because everytime we interacted it seemed I'd accidentally hurt zir in ways I couldn't even see, and that was breaking my heart. Finally one night Ash had a headache that kept zir from sleeping until ze came to me and talked with me about all the things that had been hurting zir. We managed to figure out that we both had positive motives and we agreed to both try and be more careful communicating and to assume miscommunication if something painful happened. After that there were about two weeks of tiptoeing on eggshells and then things gradually eased and now I feel relaxed with zir again. And ze accepts hugs from me now so I think ze feels relaxed with me again too. And we're back to our 4+ hour conversations!

Now that we've gotten past that string of miscommunications, the energy between us has sweetened again. We're really too different to be partners, but I think that if Ash had a primary other (and I had others) and we didn't live together, we could be lovers and it would be amazing. I kinda expect that to happen somewhere down the line and I'm looking forward to it. For now I feel like our friendship is really strengthening now that we have FINALLY learned not to assume we understand the other even if it seems PAINFULLY obvious. Ash is a really lovely person and I'm so happy to have zir in my life. ♥







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(these're from when we went to Elizebeth & Tyme's and Elizebeth henna'd us! I am 99% sure these two are from when Elizebeth let me play with zir camera (eeeeeeeeeee OMG WANT) and are by me ;-)

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Comments
zen_sakka ══╣Sakka dreamy by mzserena╠══
You're absolutely right about that. Ash is an amazing, incredible person. I just love both of you to pieces.
cunningbunny ══╣bunny & panda╠══
It's funny that you say you have "NO SIMILARITIES" when I tend to think that the two of you seem more alike now than in the past. Of course, this is from an outsider looking in, but still, you seem as if you've moved toward more similar ends.
jenniology ══╣Life in England╠══
It's - strangely - very good to hear that someone else lives with their complete opposite and that it can work out in its own strange way. I do, too, and I love her dearly but we do have a VERY turbulent relationship in so many ways!

Also, those photos are amazing. You capture people so well!
speaksoftlylove ══╣╠══
I love the pictures that you take.

I'm glad that things are good again between you and Ash.
delicatexflower ══╣hope. "be happy for this moment"╠══

you two have come a long long way together! ♥ it just shows me the importance of communication with one another! i'm so happy both of you are at this place in your life. i hope to watch you grow more together closer in the near future! ♥
shadowlily ══╣beach stair╠══
The 7th shot is neat- like you caught Ash during a revelation :)
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
It's extraordinary normal to fight when you first move in with someone. You've gone from being able to walk away to living in each other's pockets. That causes a strain that is hard to get used to, especially if you're very different.

I'm glad you and Ash talked. I really feel that a lot of fights occur because of miscommunication. Very few are because of malicious intent. I'm sure you and Ash can make it work if you remain open and honest and remember to work with your differences rather than against.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.