July 2017
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Anita and Chip -- love and dreams and violet-spirit connecting

This is all so hard to put into words -- partly just inherently and partly because it's all so intense for me that when I think about it my brain just wants to reel and say wow instead of sketching. But I want to remember as clearly as I can and I need words for that.

When Anita would speak of how ze felt about us, ze would refer to me in general terms rather than specifically, which was starting to worry me because I know ze's quite spiritually aware and if this just felt like the usual new-relationship kind of excitement to zir, maybe I was wrong in thinking that we had a spirit connection. But when I was trying to get up the courage to frame and pose a question about it ze mentioned that sometimes in difficult-to-express situations with Chip ze will simply speak a few words/phrases and then the other person will free-associate about them. And that is SUCH a violet-spirit thing to do that it comforted me enough for me to talk about how I was feeling and ask if this felt like normal-newness or something more to zir. I can't remember exactly how ze responded but afterward I felt sure that it felt similarly to zir and because of that conversation I finally felt safe enough to say I love you without worrying that ze was going to think it was 'too soon.' <3 Then we kissed and ze said I love you back! <3!

The next morning Chip told Anita about this odd dream ze had. Ze was in the middle of a normal-type dream when suddenly the scene switched and ze was lying next to me (being both zirself and someone else) and I said I love you, we kissed, and ze said it back, followed by more kissing, and then ze was back in the first dream. This was (as near as we can tell) at the same time that that actual scene happened with Anita and I. If I had ANY doubts about the spirit-connection, they were gone after THAT!

The night following Chip and Anita and I went swimming and then soaked in the hot tub and Chip and I both focused our energy on Anita and cuddled/kissed/etc... and I REALLY have no words for that. Oh God/dess. (I have bruises on my knees now from kneeling which amuses me because I was so distracted I didn't even notice my knees protesting) The sheer energy was so much I could scarcely handle it -- there were points where just hugging Anita while Chip kissed zir almost made me lose the ability to hold myself upright. Eventually I had to pull away and just breathe for a while with no touching. And that was with me guarding somewhat!

Later the three of us talked about our connection -- I asked them how their connection felt compared to how they connected to others, and how it felt to connect as three rather than just the two of them. They also intensify each other and experience pain and joy amplified when connected (feeling both their emotion and the other person's emotion; exponential empathy), and they've had to disconnect at painful times because of it (which reminded me so much of Hannah's and my experience). Their connection has blossomed since Anita and I got together because Anita's happier (hee) so that's started them on the joy up-spiral ;-) And as we were talking I got a sense of Chip's spirit, which I think is a deep, rich purple. I didn't see it like I did Anita's, but it's pretty unusual for me to get a strong sense of the exact tone too.

I haven't really even processed my reaction to finding not one but TWO violet spirits who are already intertwined. That'll have to wait for a later post because I have a date with Anita in a little while ;-)

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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.