September 2017
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making someone feel inferior NEVER INVOLVES THEIR CONSENT


I LOATHE that quote from E. Roosevelt that no one can "make" you feel things. OH YES THEY CAN. This statement is as ridiculous as saying that if someone punches me I have the choice as to whether or not to feel pain. Emotions work like nerves -- they sense stimuli and tell you what it means. You cannot choose what your emotions say any more than you can choose what your nerves say; your only choice is what you do with the emotion. Someone CAN make me feel inferior, sad, angry, etc. Then if I have the skills, I can process that emotion and turn it into something useful. Failing to acknowledge the power other beings have to cause me pain does not make my suffering disappear, it just makes me unable to process it.

Human beings have the power to evoke emotions in each other -- you can MAKE someone feel something as an initial reaction. Humans also have the power to re-contextualize their feelings and change them, so people can't make you CONTINUE to feel something without continuing to provide stimuli. But there aren't limits to how much hurtful stimuli they can provide.

If you tell me every day that I am inferior, I can re-contextualize that every day and end the day not feeling inferior. But that is a FUCKTON of work, and eventually I'm either going to find a way to escape that stimuli or I'm going to just put up with feeling inferior because shucking it off is too damn much work.

It reminds me of the massive pile of bullshit that is the "don't be a victim" propaganda. Victim means that something was done to you against your will -- YOU CANNOT CHOOSE to NOT be a victim. You can choose to seek help to learn the skills necessary to cope, but hey guess what -- help is not available to everyone. Some people do not have the privilege of getting counseling and support to recover, and shouldn't be shamed for their inability to cope. The "victim/survivor" dichotomy puts the responsibility for fixing the damage of the crime on the VICTIM. Which is a GIANT PUTRID CESSPOOL OF OPPRESSIONIST PROPAGANDA.

ETA: Consent is saying "I choose this" -- merely putting up with an action is never ever consent. Giving up or giving in is NOT consent. If I am unable to move and someone strikes me, I am allowing it because I have no choice but I am NOT consenting. If I am unable to escape a verbally abusive boss, I am allowing zir to berate me but I am NOT consenting. Disallowing requires power, and if you are powerless you must allow whatever the more powerful person wants. This is not the same as consenting, which is an act of free will.


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.