July 2017
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lasting leavings


You know that you're an abstract thinker when you learn that the prompt is "coprolite (fossilized animal dung)" and the first thing that comes to mind is "What if all the impact I leave is in my byproducts?"

What if none of my words survive, and only my acts have lasting effect? What if I die, and to learn about me people can only examine indirectly? I don't often think about what people would think of me after I die, but if I did, I imagined they'd learn directly, from my own words. What other "leavings" do I have?

I don't think I can really figure that out. But I know what I hope. I hope that as I interact with people, they examine their prejudices more. (if I'm wishing, I wish that they would be incited to learn about prejudice and work fiercely against it in themselves and in the world) I hope that they're inspired to be more honest and open, to value true connection over appearing admirable. I would hope that they would care more for the earth; recycle, consume fewer resources, hug trees. I would hope that they would not let injustice pass uncontested. I would hope that they ask questions instead of assuming. What I hope is that I will pass my values on, and that they last.

While I was writing this entry (sitting in the social sciences building of my school), a classmate came over, sat next to me, and engaged me in conversation.

"So are you, like, an advocate?"
"ehhh, it depends on your definition I guess. If I see something that seems to be an injustice to me, I'll speak up -- if I can find the words." (I think of an advocate as someone with significantly more eloquence and boldness than I have)

Ze notices the "Queer: Bold or daring; brave; original; unrestrained by existing ideas or conventions; uninhibited." sticker on my laptop and says, "so... what's... are you...?"
and I laugh and say, "I'm queer."
"what does that mean?"
"well, queer is an umbrella term that refers to everyone who is not just straight -- I'm an equal opportunity queer." (Ze still looks confused) "I don't care what shape people's bodies are, just WHO they are."
"Oh."

At that point I realize I have an opportunity to find out what a "normal" person's impression of me is, so I ask if ze read me as queer before (ze said no, just as a hippie 'cause of the tie dye), and I ask what zir general impression of me was. Ze said I seemed nice and not-shy (because I speak up in class) -- I dunno what "nice" meant to zir but ze went on to explain that ze admires that and tries to be a nice person, and said "maybe you can be an advocate for me and help me learn to be nice." I laughed happily and thought that that's pretty much what I want to do with my life.


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.