November 2017
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house agreements for Freeflow! and Wishwood!


House Agreements
(We accept that this is a set of intentions: we expect failure, but we also expect genuine effort.)

1) We practice body acceptance:
  • This means that clothing is optional so if you want people to be clothed, ask ahead of time (and you may get a "no"). It also means that negative body comments will be corrected if you state them as facts that pertain to more bodies than your own.

2) We practice sharing:
  • We want you to feel at home while you are here. Most things on the main level are for sharing; if something is a one-time-use item (like food or paper) then get permission before using.  If you use something, put it back in the same condition when you're done.

3) We practice eliminating stereotypes:
  • We expect everyone to make mistakes and take them as an opportunity to learn rather than a slight on their character.
  • Guests and residents are expected to be prepared and willing to be made aware of their privilege/prejudice.  EVERYONE has privilege/ignorance/prejudice they need to work on.
  • If you hear something that is exclusionary, prejudiced, or ignorant, please speak up if you can and point it out.  If you can't, please talk to a resident or host about it and we'll try to address the issue.

4) We practice maintaining safe space:
  • Intentionally prejudiced or violent language/behavior is not allowed, whether serious or as a "joke."  This means threats of violence are not okay ("joking" or not), saying things to make people feel excluded or inferior (on purpose) is not okay, hitting or threatening to hit is not okay, yelling at people is not okay, calling names is not okay, making "jokes" that rely on the 'inferiority' of a group/person are not okay, rape "jokes" (including rape as slang for mild suffering) are not okay, slurs are not okay. 
  • You're not expected to remember this list but you are expected to stop immediately if someone calls you on breaking safe space. (arguing that this language/behavior is acceptable is also breaking safe space). If you are not willing to do that, you are not welcome here.

5) We practice resolving upsetness:
  • if something upsets you, assume good intentions and share your feelings without judging or blaming. If someone is upset by you, empathize and explain before problem-solving.

6) We practice being honest and open:
  • we are not here to avoid conflict but to make conflict creative. If you are feeling or thinking something upsetting, please try to express it kindly and frankly.

7) We practice comforting each other:
  • If someone says "I'm hurt," all of the willing & able people are encouraged to offer a group hug, throw kisses, or otherwise express care. This includes expressing care to a person who feels hurt by being called out on their stereotyping or unsafe behavior; however it is not a substitute for discussion, nor are people obligated to give comfort.

8) We practice radical consent in cuddles and sex:
  • all people involved are both desiring AND consciously choosing to share touch.  Ask first! get a definite yes (either verbally or non-verbally) before continuing. Before beginning genital or other overtly sexual touch, either get consent of others in the room or move to a more private space.

9) We practice consent for sharing space:
  • Before inviting people over, discuss it with the people who live in that space! Guests, ask a resident, and make sure your invitees are aware of the house agreements. Residents, tell the residents that might be affected by your guests.

10) We practice expressing needs:
  • If you have a need, please express it to a resident if you can. We want to be accommodating if possible (for instance, if you are feeling socially anxious but not wanting to leave, we can provide quiet alone space).

11) We practice recycling:
  • DO NOT THROW AWAY PLASTIC CONTAINERS!!! Recycle what can be recycled, and if you don't want to wash out the item, leave it and James will wash it.


This is open-source: use as you will, but if you edit it, name it something new ;-)

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Comments
jupitercornwall ══╣╠══
You rock, and I miss your face.
phydeau ══╣╠══
Beautiful rules. And the world would be a great place if these weren't rules, but just common sense.
secret_keep ══╣╠══
actually, when people react to these agreements as "oh, this is common sense and just means be a good person" they're generally great with them. A couple people have responded that the agreements are "hippy bullshit," and those people generally are horrible when asked to chill/not be 'ist in some way.
I've mostly learned how to feel out people's reactions before actually giving them invites, which is probably a good skill anyways.
volamonster ══╣descent of man╠══
This is really wonderful.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.