October 2017
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22 days, 22 posts / dream about Ash / still fighting depression / my first fractal art creations


Today (which, in Belenen time, is whatever day I woke up in, not what the computer clock says) is the first day of a 22-day-daily-posting streak. I don't know what all about but I need to write and I got some of my closest to join me and also post 22 posts in 22 days :D I've had so many posts filling up the writing nook in my mindspace, hopefully I'll get quite a few of them out. This one's just going to be random.

Last night I had a dream about Ash, in which I visited zir place (a strange shack that was very fantasy-world-ish). We had a heavy and unhappy but productive conversation. When I left, we hugged and felt reconciled, though not ready to be friends. (a weird aspect was that ze was about a size 18, significantly smaller than ze was through most of our friendship) I woke up and texted the number I had saved in my phone, saying "I dreamed that we reconciled. How are you?" Shortly after I got a call from that number, someone speaking in Spanish I think. I said "sorry, wrong number," they hung up, and I deleted the number. It's been over 2 years since we've spoken now. Dreaming about people I know whom I'm not in contact with is something I always take as a sign to contact them. In this case, given the unfinished sense in the dream and the fact that the first method I tried didn't work, I've decided to leave it as is.

I've been dealing with heavy depression since school let out, but I already wrote about it so I'm not going to go into how it feels again. I've been working on it and right now I feel the best I have since it started, but it's a daily effort. I'm having a hard time going to bed on time ("normal" for me is roughly 3am, and lately I haven't managed to get to bed before 6am), and a hard time getting up, and it feels damn-near impossible to leave the house. Hopefully tomorrow I'll do better, I really want to feel some summer in my bones and see some trees.

I've started making fractal art! I'm very excited about this. I've loved fractals for ages but was too intimidated (and my computer was too poor) to make them myself (though I used them as overlays in many of my icons). I'm going to try to make a fractal every day to go along with the daily post (not themed similarly, just sharing both at the same time). I love fractals... it fascinates me to see the relationship between shapes expressed in incredibly complex and beautiful ways, to play with numbers and watch something unfurl, bloom. I've started seeing real life shapes in the ways that they would be fractals.

(please click to see full size)

cetaceans bringing dreams
Cetaceans Bringing Dreams

acid jazz
Acid Jazz

sounds: "Stare at the Sun" -- Mute Math
connecting: ,

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Comments
camilleyun ══╣╠══
Your fractal art is very beautiful. I am loving these a lot.
jupitercornwall ══╣╠══
Ok, I just got to this post, and holy shit! all these fractals are yours! I love them! I think I like the later ones better, maybe you're just getting more comfortable with the software, but all of them rock.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.