February 2018
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loss and longing and lacking nourishment


crying right now. I feel such acute loss. Aurilion cut me out again and it hurt worse this time because I really thought things were going to be different. Everyone I've ever felt a strong connection with, except for Kylei, is not bonded with me. Ava disappeared, Anika left twice for reasons I still don't really know, Viv I can't connect with over distance, Aurilion is too scared of usness to connect again possibly ever, Hannah and Adi and Abby and Arizona and Chip are all too busy with their own lives that don't include me. Kylei is still with me but ze's so low energy all the time from work that doing more than maintaining our bond feels impossible. I need more than basic maintenance, I need magic, and I need to not have to do all the work of creating the space for it and spinning the other person into it. I can give more than I get but I need to get more. Godde, this hurts!

I am so rich in people yet so poor in nourishing time with them. What good does it do to know amazing people if they brush by in the night and that's it? I'm so tired of yearning for what I can't have.

Universe, please bring into my life a local social-justice-minded person I have a strong spiritual connection with who is able and happy to invest intimate time and emotional energy into me, of their own initiative. If you want to throw some romance in there and maybe some sex that'd be a great bonus, but not necessary.

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Comments
shioneh ══╣colours: white: stillness╠══
These are but words but I want to say I am sorry you are in so much pain, feeling so much loss and that this is happening :(

For what it's worth, I wish my life included you in it :( I truly do love you. I need to send you a mail.

*love*..
ravensong ══╣Animals: Kitteh Kisses╠══
*offers hugs* I hope you find exactly what you are seeking. <3
nowiamsix ══╣sex and the city: window╠══
I'm realizing more and more that I just want connection with people, and not necessarily a romantic interaction (as I have been confusing the two). I want that exchange of energy, too. I hope that you find what you are looking for! *offer of hugs*
meadowhawk ══╣meadowhawk╠══
Still here and very much aware of the connection. I feel the ache and wish paths hadn't diverged as far as they have. You are always welcome in our home for any reason with no excuse needed.

I hope to find what you are seeking, or grow into seeking the things the universe has ready for you. Hugs as always and anytime you want them.

ps. I hope you like the sigil, it is more than just art, but if not, washing it off will remove it completely. I didn't want to pull you away from talking and saying goodbye to people to mention at the time.
frecklestars ══╣connection╠══
Sometimes people just aren't meant to be with us at a particular time, for whatever reason. It's shitty and it doesn't help, but please know that there are other people who have also had this happen, and it sucks, and we empathize. *enthusiastic squeezes*

Edit: I also feel that I should underscore the fact that I also feel connected to you. The distance sucks, but if you need me, I will answer the phone. Or the video call. Whatever. Whenever.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.