July 2017
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prompts 7, 8, 9: best & worst of living at Wishwood / how I feel about Xena / what makes me unique


from justben: What is your favorite thing about the place you're living today [Wishwood]? What is the hardest part for you?
My favorite things are 1) all the alone time I want, never interruptions, yay! that's number one. 2) Kanika is so happy to have few humans! way more calm and pleasant. 3) plenty of space for crafty parties 4) dishes that are dirtied by someone other than me are pretty rare. 5) LAND: I can plant things and garden! 6) TREES: my house is nestled in a little valley with tall trees all around and at night I can hear them rustle because it's so quiet 7) spare rooms: I haven't had many sleepovers or people crashing but it's so wonderful to be able to offer people a bed if they need/want. 8) the layout of my bedroom is perfect for me -- tons of light and a little nook just right for my sanctuary/altar, plus a ceiling fan, plus my desk fits perfectly in its corner and my bed fits perfectly in its corner and my memories box and letters case fits perfectly in another nook. When I have it tidy next I'll take photos. 9) I can use the giant basement room as a studio 10) it has a fireplace 11) it has a covered front porch 12) it has a back porch secluded enough that I can go out there naked 13) I get to decorate and organize everything however I want it.
The hardest part is the location. It's 20 minutes to anywhere useful and 50 minutes to the city and even longer to friends' houses in the city. This means that going out is more difficult to arrange and motivate for, and people are less likely to visit. Ideally I'd have company at least every other week; I really like spending time with people in my space, but when it is such an investment of time and gas money I know most people can't do it.

from topaznebula: Summarize/describe your relationship with Xena Warrior Princess, and why you like it, and why it's important to you.
I'm now on my 5th cycle of watching Xena. I came to it late, having not had TV for any part of my life -- I think I watched it for the first time about six years ago. It's hands-down my favorite show of all time. Before watching it I remember hearing lesbian buzz and being annoyed, because not every friendship is about sex, and it's totally possible to have a non-sexual super-intimate friendship. But then I saw it, with all the innuendo and kisses and love-confessions and agreed -- it's a queer love story. A queer poly love story, even (they're vulva-monogamous but sleep with men without it really impacting their relationship). It passes the bechdel test with flying colors and it includes a trans woman with RESPECT which frankly I have never seen done on a TV show (unless I'm forgetting something, but I think I'd remember) -- only a side character but still, wonderful. It includes a variety of races (more than most tv shows). It has its problems, messing with various mythologies (to what levels of inaccuracy I do not know) but better than other US shows, I'd say. At the end of one episode there is a sidebar where they explain that their referencing to the Hindu faith was intended with respect, which makes me think that maybe they failed on the respect and got called to task, I dunno. I really like what they did with the Christian myths and with ancient Greek deities. I really love the complexity of magics Xena uses. I love Gabrielle's character development; from brave but naive and helpless to understanding, independent, and powerful.

I can identify really strongly with Xena (and Gabrielle, but differently and not as much because Gabrielle is way sweeter than me (oh and Callisto too)). Had I been put in Xena's shoes I feel like I would have followed the same path. Minus the flashbacks, the series is about Xena learning to feel and to show love, to be vulnerable and not hide behind a sword OR put the sword away because zir resistance to evil was 'too militant' for most 'good' people. I did the same, more slowly, because I didn't find Gabrielle until long after I started trying to do that. But the biggest reason it is important to me is that it is a positive love story about two women, working through shit in a real relationship, and neither gets murdered by the writer or flakes out to be hetero (at least, not for good). Queers don't get happy endings on screen! they don't get to deal with stuff like "trust me to take care of myself" or "trust me to still love you while I also fall in love with others" or "your dreams are more important than us being together right now" because all they get to deal with is being out (or not) and how society reacts to them. I'm fucking sick of that narrative. If I never watch another "gay girl falls for seemingly-straight girl, angst sex (male-gaze) sex angst, gay girl gets murdered or dumped" film again it will be too soon.

from rmpenguino: What makes you unique? How different is your perception of yourself versus what you end up being?
Nothing? everything? One thing that makes me unique is how I value imperfection: I can see when things need to change, and work to change them, without needing to strive for perfection or reject everything but the best. I can, for instance, work to reduce waste without feeling guilty when I don't live up to that. Unbalanced sense of human responsibility would be saying stuff like "well I can't fix the whole world so I'm just going to throw my cigarette butt or water bottle on the ground with these others." I think that comes from fear of self-loathing; they do not want to commit to a value that they cannot do perfectly because they would hate themselves for failing. I am okay with failure; it is the effort that matters to me. I don't ask "what would fix this?" I ask "how can I make this better?" (I was thinking that imperfection is a core value of mine and yep, I'm just went and added that) I don't think my perception of myself is very different from reality; at least, people who know me well don't describe me as different than I see myself. I think that I differ from many people's perceptions but that this is a result of them seeing me wrong. People think I am more prickly and angry and less forgiving than I am. People think I am more judgmental than I am (I have the skill of withholding judgment and asking first, to find out from that person if how I feel is right or not). People think I am less social than I am (I think this is mainly because they don't see me socialize in the same ways). People also think I'm 'feminine' and 'sweet' and into peace, which is waaaaay untrue. I value creative conflict, not peace -- peace is an illusion that cannot exist in a world of change, so all you can do is make better things with conflict. People think I am a better person than I am, because they don't understand how often I fuck up. I have a clear vision and dedicated values, but I do not live up to ANY of them perfectly or even near-perfectly.


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.