November 2017
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prompt 15: my preferred methods of communication, in order; LJ, face to face, texting, email, IM, fb


Livejournal: this is my favorite method of communication. It makes me feel no pressure; other people can respond to someone's post and so when I fail to respond it doesn't get taken as a personal slight, so I can have access without the potential for guilt. I can respond whenever I like without worrying that it is the wrong time of day or that it has been too long since the thought was shared. I also prefer to have people read my journal to learn me, more than any other method, because the quality and accuracy of my sharing is a lot better in words I have typed. I feel that people don't really know me if they don't read my journal. It's a kind of intimacy I need because it's the only kind of sharing that doesn't get trapped in my ADD and end up draining as much as it nourishes. I feel loved when someone reads my journal, when they comment, when they write in their own journal and I can read it, and when they reply to my comments in their journal. All of these build on each other and so LJ is a huge source of love and connection for me. I also feel loved by myself when I write, which is deeply important for my well-being.

Face to face: second favorite, because I can read people's energy and I can feel connected in an immediate and easy-to monitor kind of way. I can feel relaxed that I am not upsetting people because if I was, I would see it happening (most of the time). I can feel assured that they care because of their body language. The drawbacks to this is that if I am sharing something that is difficult to put into words, there are lots of pauses and stares into middle distance and wait-back-ups and I feel frustrated with it so I imagine that the other person will too. It is also more work because I feel the need to monitor every reaction, and because I have to work hard to keep up most of the time (ADD makes my brain want to go in five directions with every sentence and in-person conversation is like trying to keep a puppy walking in a straight line on the sidewalk. In writing it's like trying to get a puppy to walk a straight line down a tube: much easier because of far fewer distractions. (I probably would enjoy conversations more with a notepad and pen, now that I think of it. (because in-person all of these parentheticals have to not exist. (I wonder if you could find the ADD people on LJ by sheer number of parentheticals)))) So, in person is highly nourishing but also draining. A shared activity and/or cuddles help, because the shared activity makes it easier to focus, and the cuddles make it more nourishing, so it balances better.

Texting: third favorite, because (with most people) I don't feel obligated to respond immediately or at a certain time of day. I have a neat little list in my phone that makes it not so hard to remember to reply. This isn't super nourishing to me most of the time, but it also usually doesn't take much work, so it balances out. It does make me feel nourished when I have a good texting relationship with someone, where we randomly inform each other of things happening throughout the day (had that with Kylei at one point and currently have it with Topaz: we text each other approximately 30 times a day (each)), but I don't know if that would work with more than one person at a time, or with people who don't have similar texting habits.

Email/messaging: I enjoy email; it gives me a similar feeling to LJ, but it's fourth on my list because people almost always expect a response and it is VERY easy for emails to get buried and forgotten. I've been trying to weed out unnecessary notifications and subscriptions but I still get shittons of emails every day. I start feeling guilty VERY fast if I don't respond so I have a lot of anxiety around emails. Highly nourishing (if it's a long conversation) and highly stressful. Note: I VASTLY prefer people to email me rather than send me messages on FB/LJ/etc, because messages get lost and I can't search them.

Gtalk/Skype/Hangouts: I like these equally for different reasons. Skype gives me the facial expressions and nonverbal sounds that make me feel connected and understanding, but gtalk gives me a log I can reread and use as external memory. This needs to be scheduled, because I do not feel able to disconnect randomly and therefore I need to make sure I don't have something else I have to do. Also I have to be home because I don't generally take my laptop out of the house.

Facebook/twitter/tumblr/etc: I enjoy interacting with people in these places but it's not a priority for me. I watch a lot of people on all those places and so I can't keep up with everything. Occasionally I'll be curious about a friend and go read all of their recent stuff, but it's totally random. However, I have a small handful of people on facebook whose stuff I watch more carefully: they're either LJers or people I wish would LJ.

Phonetalking: I do not like this unless it is scheduled. The only exception is when someone is in crisis or there is a time-sensitive matter to be discussed. I will not answer the phone if you call me randomly, unless you text first and explain that you are in crisis or there's a time-sensitive matter. Not only do I get very low signal when I am at home, I can't do anything else while I'm on the phone so I need to be in a place where I don't feel the pressure of things to do or it will just build anxiety. When I schedule phone-talks I have to be out of the house. It is EXTREMELY frustrating to me when a call drops: I usually exclaim loudly with anger the first time and if it happens again in the same conversation I literally shout with rage (unless I am in public).

Letters: I love writing these but I hate exchanging them because I really cannot predict when I will feel up to it.

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Comments
bunnika ══╣me: grin╠══
We share a lot of overlap in this. Though I'm also one to avoid Skype/video chat for the same reason I avoid phone calls (extreme anxiety). I'll answer a random phone call maybe half the time, but that's because I'm worried it's an emergency and I don't want anyone feeling like they had to talk to me and I flaked.

Emails stress me out because they feel like a level of importance I'm not always ready to invest in. It's really easy for me to read an email and lose it, if I don't respond immediately. And I'm almost never ready to respond immediately. I have to charge myself up for pretty much all communication (outside of daily back-and-forths with Matt) so just because I received something doesn't mean I'm ready to "get it."

LJ's the easiest for me. I forgot just how much I like communicating on here. I feel loved when I get comments, both on my journal and in response to comments I leave. It's why I'm making the effort to reply to the comments left for me. I'm trying to keep things mutual, even if I can't/don't always comment on every single entry on my flist.
blimeyzawn1 ══╣╠══
It seems like a common theme here is pressure to communicate, with strong preference given to communication avenues that don't necessarily require an immediate response. This is also a really helpful guide to communicating with you, and I think there's significant overlap in our styles.

If I could burn my phone, I would. Email is also a big problem for me because of the obligation to respond, respond quickly, and respond completely. I've fired a couple of dozen clients because they were too demanding via phone/email, and these sorts of demands have a palpable effect on my mental health.

kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
Ah, I love having seen this!! It seems like texting is the default communication for EVERYONE in my world, and while it works because my cell signal is low, there is definitely a lot lacking.

I also use a ton of parenthesis in my updates, teehee ^_^ I don't really identify as ADD, but whenever I get on here it's like there's so much I need to fill in all at once that it gets really disorganized really fast and I have to throw little notes in within notes. heh :)
volamonster ══╣mushroom's dragon╠══
I loved reading this; I'm so happy you shared it. I can see a lot of overlap in our preferences and communication styles within those preferences. Pressure to communicate within a particular time frame, in a particular way, generates an extreme amount of stress and anxiety for me. I find it challenging to set communication boundaries with people out of need for self-care (though I will usually face the challenge and do it). Do you find it challenging, too?
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.