November 2017
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Rebecca's B-day; Allison iscool; my wish-friend



I went to Rebecca's birthday party -- fun yet overwhelming. I'm so used to solitude that several times I was just amazed by the chaos and volume. Glad to experience it though -- man I miss people. I miss seeing random people, and seeing more than just Ben every day and a few extra people on Sunday and Monday. My car needs to get fixed so I can do something about that. I don't like turning into a hermit just when I was shrugging off my shell!!!

I want a person like this to be my friend:
a beautiful black woman, my age, who
loves several of my favorite genres of music (hopefully including TBG),
is open-minded,
is committed to deep friendships,
has common interests (maybe beadweaving, sci/fi-fantasy or web design)
and has a vivid, passionate love for God and truth.

Quite a list....

I'm lonely. And I want newness. I have no friends that share any of my 'hobbies' -- I'd really like one. And I know I still have subconscious racism to deal with -- I want to really know, vicariously, what it is like to be black in America. I learned a lot living with the Wynnes, but since that was partly a business relationship, there remained a distance.

whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy
whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy
whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy
whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy
Why so long? I've been wanting a deep friendship like this for three years... I didn't always want her to be black though. Maybe God waited until I developed a desire for a deep interracial friendship.
Please let it be soon, my kind of soon. I've never been very good at waiting.

On a positive note, I've never had so much ease of connection with Allison. She just seemed to have such an open spirit today. [Also, I was afraid she'd think her very-belated birthday present was too utilitarian, but she was very enthusiastic. (it was a cobalt-blue lamp with a spinny pen-holder base (and one of those twisty halogen bulbs))] And she's going to write her story (as opposed to drawing it), which I am very excited about; I haven't read any of Allison's writing since early 2001. This also means that it will progress faster! (I hope) That's happy-making 'cause I'm fascinated with the story. And it may inspire me to write also.

feelings: sad
connecting: , ,

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Comments
anar_anar ══╣╠══
I know quite a few who do fit some of the requirements :) but definitely not all. Ah, don't think about it, don't analyze stuff like that... it just happens. You should come down one weekend with me to go visit Max, the Unity Center is FULL of the type of women you want... absolutely FULL of them. Then we can all go eat Jamaican afterwards. mmmmmmmmmmm.
darkpool ══╣╠══
It's funny a lot of my female friends seem to wish they had more female friends. Especially good ones.
jedibubbles ══╣╠══
Funny, I was loving that chaos--it was just the right number of people, and I was really comfortable with everyone despite the fact that half were new to me--and wanted more. I miss my apartment. I have a car and I'm a bloody hermit.

*hugs* You can never have too many good female friends! But the ones that are deep and last take time, develop at odd times, and never with the people you'd think they'd be with.

*blinks* I had an open spirit on Friday? Hmm, what was different...oh well, as I'm going to have to be a fucking walking talking facade at home from now on, you'll probably get alot more of that when I do see you. And I positively ADORE that lamp! It's--wait, is it still in my car? Shit. That tells you how busy I was this weekend.

And you have no idea how much it means to me that you (and so many other people) are jazzed up about me writing PE.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
I loved the chaos too- it just freaked me out every now and then (I felt like a cat -- for no particular reason, every now and then I'd get skittish).

As far as deep lasting friendships never being w/ whom you think they'd be with -- after the first 20+ minute conversation, I know how if the person is going to be a lasting friend. It's been that way since I was... oh, nine or so. Often I can look at a person and tell. So I don't think that's true for me.

Woot! Go get that lamp, plug it in and start writing! ;-p
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
Actually, it only takes a 10 minute conversation, usually...
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.