August 2017
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Rebecca's B-day; Allison iscool; my wish-friend



I went to Rebecca's birthday party -- fun yet overwhelming. I'm so used to solitude that several times I was just amazed by the chaos and volume. Glad to experience it though -- man I miss people. I miss seeing random people, and seeing more than just Ben every day and a few extra people on Sunday and Monday. My car needs to get fixed so I can do something about that. I don't like turning into a hermit just when I was shrugging off my shell!!!

I want a person like this to be my friend:
a beautiful black woman, my age, who
loves several of my favorite genres of music (hopefully including TBG),
is open-minded,
is committed to deep friendships,
has common interests (maybe beadweaving, sci/fi-fantasy or web design)
and has a vivid, passionate love for God and truth.

Quite a list....

I'm lonely. And I want newness. I have no friends that share any of my 'hobbies' -- I'd really like one. And I know I still have subconscious racism to deal with -- I want to really know, vicariously, what it is like to be black in America. I learned a lot living with the Wynnes, but since that was partly a business relationship, there remained a distance.

whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy
whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy
whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy
whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy
Why so long? I've been wanting a deep friendship like this for three years... I didn't always want her to be black though. Maybe God waited until I developed a desire for a deep interracial friendship.
Please let it be soon, my kind of soon. I've never been very good at waiting.

On a positive note, I've never had so much ease of connection with Allison. She just seemed to have such an open spirit today. [Also, I was afraid she'd think her very-belated birthday present was too utilitarian, but she was very enthusiastic. (it was a cobalt-blue lamp with a spinny pen-holder base (and one of those twisty halogen bulbs))] And she's going to write her story (as opposed to drawing it), which I am very excited about; I haven't read any of Allison's writing since early 2001. This also means that it will progress faster! (I hope) That's happy-making 'cause I'm fascinated with the story. And it may inspire me to write also.
feelings: sad
connecting: , ,


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belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.