November 2017
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Touch: the kinds of hugs, kisses, and cuddles that I love


I really love hugs. Before Topaz I rarely got good ones: either they squished my (very sensitive) breasts or they were loose and impersonal or even worse they were perfunctory pretend-closeness and came with the 'pat-pat' (BLUGHHHH, gross gross gross). But now I've both gotten spoiled and learned to hug better: full-body gentle pressing-close with full presence of attention, melting my arms into them rather than pressing my hands to them and sticking my elbows out. I was always afraid of hugging people 'too long' but I'm over that shit now (mostly) and don't do the wrap-arms-around-wait-one-second-exactly-and-then-pull-away unless I'm distracted. I try not to hug distractedly and it's now my favorite touch. I'm trying to get in the habit of letting the other person pull away first (the second they move to pull away I let go of course). I love being hugged from behind (because then I feel no anxiety about my breasts getting squished). I love hugging people from behind (because then I don't have to worry about people pulling me forward at the shoulder awkwardly over my breasts in hunching discomfort). I looooove hugging people shorter than me because they fit so neatly with me, their shoulder tucked under my arm and their head resting on my shoulder/chest. I love hugging people who melt into me.

Kisses are second; I like almost all varieties of kisses as long as the person doesn't eat a lot of meat (it makes you taste acrid) or have spiky stubble. I like bitey ones (if they take enough lip in, biting a tiny bit of my lip is NO) and hard-pressing ones and lots-of-tongue ones and closed-mouth full-pressing gentle ones. My favorite is full-pressing bottom-lip-sucking tongue-stroking-lips with occasional tongue penetration. Although I do really like full-mouth tongues stroking each other like snakes, as long as the person doesn't make their tongue a poky cylinder (soft tongue is better!) but I haven't done that in a long while because Topaz doesn't like it and I haven't been romantic/sensual with anyone else. Kisses on places other than my mouth I like to be soft but full-pressing (where most of your lips touch the person but not in a pursed way; putting your lips against their skin before making the kissing motion).

I also cherish cuddling and being petted (and petting others the same way). I love having someone run their fingers through my hair with soft (and some hard) tugs. I love having my back scritched or lightly stroked. I love holding hands fingers-entwined, especially with attention (like the person petting/kissing my hand) or with forearms also touching (that kind usually has to be done lying down). I love having my feet rubbed, but massage other places doesn't do much for me unless I'm sore. I love to give and receive shoulder-kisses; for me the shoulder kiss means something different than a kiss anywhere else. It means affection with no expectation of reciprocity (I don't know why it has this connotation for me). I love being nuzzled (gently). I love being wrapped up with someone, like when I lay with someone and we have arms and legs intertwined, or a flamingo hug. I love when someone paintbrush-pets me, running along my edges and contours with a skimming fingertip. I love full-body laying-down hugs where the person is on top of me with feet tucked under my legs and arms tucked under my back with hands folded over my shoulders (or vice-versa). I love biting and being bitten -- this can be playful or sensual or erotic or any combination, and is the one kind of sexual touch I like 'randomly' (outside of sexual experiences). I love when people gently press their face into my neck. I love when people sit in my lap and let me wrap them up in my arms. I looooove when people stroke my hips and waist, sliding along my side-twist. I love carrying people on my back (and I'm pretty strong: I can carry at least 3/4ths of my own weight). I love energy-flow touch like each person putting their right hand on the other person's heart chakra.

Sex is good too, but if I could never have it again I'd be fine. Loving deliberate touch, though, I need in order to be a happy and nourished person.

What are your favorite kinds of touch? be as specific and descriptive as possible ;-)

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Comments
writing_adrift ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣giving╠══
<3 yes! cuddles are the best!
wolfteaparty ══╣╠══
I'm extra unhappy without loving touch. I love to lie down and cuddle, either spooning or with legs entwined. I like having pressure put on my body, like with someone lying on me.
belenen ══╣giving╠══
yeah, me too! I feel more deeply hugged when the person is putting weight on me.
kiwi ══╣╠══
I'm a funny opposite - I'm a little wary of touch. I've always considered it part of my upbringing (culturally) and I go through phases where I'm better and it's certainly something I work on, but in general it takes me a bit to get comfortable with even hugging someone. I'm afraid to initiate touch a lot.

But...kisses on the neck are, like, my kryptonite. Having my forearms pet will put me to sleep and light to medium touching of my lower back will always always always turn me on. I've had partners who took advantage of that on more than one occasion...anything from light feather touches with fingertips (against skin, always) to a firm hand pressing against it. Done. I'm done. It's TERRIBLE, lol.

I've had more than one terrible hug, like what you described - I call them half-assed hugs and they anger me to no end. Mostly because, I think, I'm not the most physically affectionate person on earth so if I'm going to hug you, I'm going to do it properly, dammit. If you're going to hug someone, do it like you mean it. The one armed "pat-pat" hugs? WHY DID YOU BOTHER HUGGING ME? Despite my wariness, though, I actually do like hugs a good deal.

belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
I also have a fear of initiating touch unless I have both discussed it with the person and done it a few times. Even if I know they are super cuddly and they have told me they would like touch from me, it takes a bit for me to get comfortable with it.

I feel the same way about my lower back! also the inside of my wrists. But I don't like to have them touched unless I'm already being sexual.

I KNOW why on earth would you blaspheme a hug like that!!! heh.
left_harangue ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣giving╠══
aw, I love that. Yeah, hugs are important!
classical_wolf ══╣Burn Notice - Look :)╠══
I love all sorts of touch, but lately I'm not a big fan of kisses. Maybe it's guy kisses that bother me. Ugh! ...But I love all types of cuddles, hand holding, back stroking, holding hands, and all of that :)
belenen ══╣giving╠══
What kind of kisses do/don't you like?

*nod nod nod* :D
classical_wolf ══╣Boy-Girl-Person╠══
For some reason, I don't like making out with a lot tongue/spit. I'm all for really quick (more soft) kisses. If that makes sense. "Butterfly kisses" are amazing! ♥
jupitercornwall ══╣╠══
I suppose you could call it interlinking, I just call it pretzel-ing. Whether it's holding hands, having legs crossed over each other, or arms linked, or head laying on chest/stomach, or foreheads pressed together. Touch is every bit as important as sex, I think sometimes more so. I just like the touching, the linking, the energetic coupling and mingling, that laying in bed, touching knees and hands, or walking around in a grocery store, hand on shoulder, on back, hand in hand, etc.
belenen ══╣oneness╠══
yessssss I loved this whole comment. Foreheads pressed together is VERY intimate for me.
lifeofmendel ══╣╠══
any kind of touch is good for me. any kind of hug, cuddling, kiss whether platonic or erotic or anything in between.

my body in general is very touch sensitive. if someone knows how to touch me the right way it can stop me from thinking, particularly sexually, and the few people who know enough about me this way know that they can use this to playfully win arguments.

your point about being fine without sex but not without touch is very akin to the way that i feel. there's something that some touch can do that transcends the physical, even the sexual. there is nothing more sheltering and wonderful than cuddling with someone who i love even as a mere friend and feeling like i'm offering them comfort and safety and vice versa.
belenen ══╣nuzzle╠══
there is nothing more sheltering and wonderful than cuddling with someone who i love even as a mere friend and feeling like i'm offering them comfort and safety and vice versa.

I so, so agree!
acid_burns ══╣lucky thirteen╠══
"I love hugging people who melt into me."

Yes...
belenen ══╣loving╠══
<3
twofootsmall ══╣text live╠══
Amazing post. I hope to come back and comment when I can do it a little more justice than is possible right now, but just wanted to let you know I've read and loved it. :)
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
thanks, glad you enjoyed <3
volamonster ══╣mushroom's dragon╠══
This is wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing. I'd love to make a post of my own like this so I think I'll do so.
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
So happy that you enjoyed it and that it inspired you to write!
bunnika ══╣suzu: big grin╠══
Gonna have to fight the urge to give you the pat-pat when I see you. ;-P
belenen ══╣ewwwww╠══
If you do I'm gonna have to fight the urge to smack you (obviously I wouldn't actually do that). I'll probably make retching noises!

ETA: I feel worried that this is a terrible and/or triggering thing to say so if so, I'm very sorry and please let me know so I remember not to do it again.
bunnika ══╣bunny: kisses╠══
It's okay, I'm not so easily triggered these days. No harm done. <3
raidingparty ══╣╠══
Argentine tango! Lots of immediate close-contact, even moreso if the floor is crowded and/or they assume a close embrace.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.