July 2017
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tribe: what I want, ideally and second best


Heather described to me what ze thought was the opposite of what I wanted and it was pretty much exactly what I wanted so I thought I'd clarify ;-)

We would all live close to or with each other and/or be working toward that. There was one point where I was committed to both Abby and Kylei and I wanted us to be working toward living together or at least close but Abby wasn't ready to do that. I found that very upsetting because I felt like to really be tribe we needed for it to be fairly easy to gather regularly. I know that if I were to form my ideal kind of tribe with the people I am close to now I would need to have a financial situation where I could move into Atlanta proper. That is a loose goal of mine but since it is not a goal for anyone else I don't have any urgency about it. And several of my people live either out of state or in a house where they plan to stay the rest of their lives, so I don't know how much is possible.

Ideally, Heather and Topaz would share a house with an in-law suite where I would live (Topaz and I do not have compatible mess-ometers but it seems like Heather and Topaz do and all three of us seem to like the same amount of alone-space), and Anika & Matt & Suzu would live next-door (and we would share a giant gardeny backyard) and Hannah and Nick would live the other next door, and Zawn and Jeff would live on the other side of them, and Kylei would live across the street with some other super-talkative people, with Kei-Won-Tia and zir people next door to them and and Abby and Roger on the other side, Allison and Camellia on either sides of that. Since that is probably not possible, next best is us all living within a 20-minute radius of each other. We'd have shared dinners twice a month, and regularly do things together like gardening and crafting and of course intimacy practice.

And each person would nurture their relationship with each other person, without me involved. Like, my daydreamiest idea is that everyone gets to know each other and if there is a fragile connection, it becomes a priority. That's what I mean when I say that it goes forward on its own. But for that to happen everyone has to individually fall in love with everyone else (I don't mean romantically) and invest in each individual dyad and I dunno. It seems ludicrously impossible. I think second-best would be a majority of interconnectedness, like if each person was very close with at least two other people in the group. Right now the only closenesses independent of me seem to be Abby-Roger, Kylei-Heather, and maybe Kylei-Abby or Heather-Abby? I want more, like Heather-Topaz, Abby-Anika, Kei-Won-Tia-Zawn, Camellia-Topaz, Hannah-Kei-Won-Tia, Zawn-Anika, Kylei-Allison, Roger-Camellia, etc! etc! I want to mush them together and make huggy noises! I want indirect ties with people as well as direct ones! I already feel loved but I want to feel friend-compersion.

And I'd want things like Kylei wants to have a game night so contacts everyone and we meet at zir place, or Heather wants to share a movie so invites everyone, and people consider it important to attend if they can because they want to invest in the whole and not just in one or two people. And I want to know more about everyone's other connections like Brian and Sarah and Christo and Matt and Jeff etc.


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.