December 2017
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31


the Belenen survey, updated to be even more gloriously nosy and thought-provoking


Please comment with your answers! Do 'em all or pick and choose. All comments are screened but I will unscreen unless you ask for them to stay private.

Note: most people have to split their survey into multiple comments because of LJ's character limit. And actually, if it doesn't take you at least 2 comments, ur doin it rong.

01. what is the name you go by among friends? is it self-chosen or was it given by someone else?
02. what's the story behind your username?
03. age and sign of the zodiac (sun, rising, and moon if you know them):
04. what are your self-labels?
05. around which core values do you structure your morality?
06. what makes you cry actual tears of joy? what makes you cry actual tears of sorrow?
07. what qualities are you currently working on developing in yourself?
08. do you consider yourself anti-prejudice and anti-oppression? if so, in what ways do you help to create equality in the world?
09. If you could have three wishes granted, what would they be?
10. have you changed gender and/or sex? That is, did you once consider yourself a gender and/or sex that you no longer identify with?
11. Describe your sexuality: whether or not you like sex, how you like to have sex, what your best sexual experiences have been like, the elements that need to be present for you to enjoy sex, etc.
12. what's your preferred relationship structure: monogamous, polyamorous, polyfidelitous, other? Do you have/want (a) marriage-type life partner(s)?
13. how do you feel about fat? that is, how do you feel about the fat of your body and the fat of others' bodies?
14. how do you feel about 'little white lies'?
15. Who are the people you choose to spend the most time with/for, and why do they matter to you?
16. how do you feel about nudity (do you like being nude / being around others who are nude)?
17. how often do you push yourself to share thoughts and feelings that make you vulnerable to others?
18. do you often cuddle with friends (not just lovers) or would you if you had cuddly friends?
19. are you concerned with how humans treat the earth (and its creatures)? if so, what do you do to protect/restore it?
20. do you have a strong affinity with any particular part of the earth (a certain type of animal, plant, water body, landscape, and/or a particular place)?
21. do you consider yourself a spiritual person? if so, in what ways do you express this? do you worship, pray, do ritual, meditate, other? do you have a deity(-ies)? do you identify with a particular religion?
22. what do you believe about the parts of a person? are we just mind and body or is there more? if you believe in more, what do you call it?
23. where do you plan to spend most of your life? do you like to travel?
24. what sort of creative things do you like to do?
25. if someone made a deluxe action figure based on you, what 3 props and 3 outfits would they have? also, what would the deluxe playset look like?
26. if you could know everything about one subject, what would it be?
27. if you didn't need to earn money and you could have free training in anything as long as you were willing to give the time, what would you want to do with your life?
28. do you read for fun? if so, what're your favorite genre(s), favorite author(s) and favorite book(s)?
29. favorite color (be specific -- not just green, mint or lime or emerald):
30. favorite musical genre(s) / artists:
31. favorite movie(s) / show(s):
32. what activities make it easiest for you to connect with other people in a deep and intimate way?
33. Sum up your life philosophy in 8 words or less!
bonus: why do you read my journal (or, if you're new, what drew you to my journal)?

For copy-paste ease:


If you want to re-post this, that's fine, but please comment me a link so I can read your answers!

People who've done it in comments:
[1] kiwi, classical_wolf, volamonster, lifeofmendel, bunnika, lilywolfsolomon,
[2] callmebee, adi_stroyer, hands_cupped, ravensong, slinkslowdown
in links:
http://queerbychoice.livejournal.com/705985.html
http://blimeyzawn1.livejournal.com/265451.html

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Comments
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fayriekisses ══╣╠══
Can I just post my answers in my journal? :)
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
yes! please comment me the link so I can easily find it later (I don't like to ask people to repeat themselves but I have a terrible memory).
wolfteaparty ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
kiwi ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
Re: Q.26-end - I request these be kept private.
5. I like your list of core values <3
7. self-trust is a hard one, I'm working on that too.
8. I think that is an excellent and very important method. If people are pushed to think more about the words they use then that can plant a seed that results in them trying to unlearn stereotypes. I wish all people would do that.
9. understanding is a great one! It allows for growth while also making it less easy to maintain evil.
11. I also find it difficult to be present, and yet I feel bad afterward if I'm not. I also just realized that I've been working on this by myself and I can ask my partner to help by checking in more. thanks <3
You need never apologize for length to me! the more the better :D
13. I am relieved that you said IF this is true because as a fat person who has pretty perfect cholesterol, blood pressure, etc, and knowing many people who have gone to a doctor with better health than mine and still been told that they must lose weight 'for their health,' I feel burnt out on that.
14. I think you made a kind choice. I think I would have said, "I already complimented your kid, why are you pushing me to use your words?" but then I don't mind confrontation ;-)
15. I am happy for you about your spouse! It's so lovely to see a married couple where it hasn't gone to shit (sad laugh). Also happy that your biofamily is good to you! I'm curious about your 3 closest friends, do you mention them by name? I am very bad with names most of the time.
17. That does sound exhausting, but I am glad that you share <3
19. this whole answer made me soooo happy :D
21. That is so fascinating, I've never heard anyone describe their spirituality as fluid before. I love that as a thought. Mine is kinda fluid, but like a splatter, not like a stream ;-)
23. I would love to visit or have you visit sometime!
24. ah, glass... one day I hope to have the money for the materials to do that.
26. That's an awesome answer. I agree with your love of learning forever, but if I could have all the knowledge on one subject, it'd be a foundational subject, like programming, so that I could go ahead and make things right away.
27. oh yay! very good to do for a living what you would like to do for free.
28. This is the second time Sherman Alexie has been mentioned to me! Another of my LJ friends lives in CA and likes them. I think you'd get along actually but I feel wary about suggestions after the recent fail, heh.
This makes me happy! Thanks for all your answers. Do you want me to screen this reply?
classical_wolf ══╣Alex Vause - Look╠══
the Belenen survey

01. what is the name you go by among friends? is it self-chosen or was it given by someone else? I go by Rebecca. Or Rex. My friend Kyle started calling me Rex when we were first discussing my thoughts on gender identity and my being outside the binary.

02. what's the story behind your username? I love classical music, my main instrument is violin, and a dear friend of mine and I are quite partial to wolves. I had a
wolf plushie back when she and I were dating long distance.

03. age and sign of the zodiac (sun, rising, and moon if you know them): 27 – Virgo.

04. what are your self-labels? Self labels? Hmm. I’m not sure if I’m answering this right, but I’d say: Queer, Feminist, BBW, Nerd, Geek, Dork, Woman with tattoos, and there’s probably more. I was going to say “Dyke”, in quotes, because I know I’m not a lesbian, but oddly enough, “Dyke” fits me, purely because of how it rolls of the tongue.

05. around which core values do you structure your morality? I have a definite sense of black and white. That said, I’m not as much of a stickler – or “good two-shoes” as I used to be. As long as someone doesn’t engage in behavior which will land them in jail, I’m generally fine.

06. what makes you cry actual tears of joy? what makes you cry actual tears of sorrow? My husband makes me laugh – so much that I’ve cried. As for sorrow, it’s been a long time since I’ve cried that way. I hate to admit it, but my Mother’s disapproval would probably cause me tears of sorrow. That being said, if she knew half of what I enjoy/partake in, she’d have a heart attack.

07. what qualities are you currently working on developing in yourself? My sense of self. Since I’ve gotten married over the past year, I feel like I’ve really stepped outside of who I was, and I’m doing things for me. I know that might seem contradictory regarding a statement in question #6.

08. do you consider yourself anti-prejudice and anti-oppression? if so, in what ways do you help to create equality in the world? I volunteer at my local GLBTQ center. I used to intern there in 2007.

09. If you could have three wishes granted, what would they be? 1. Money to pay my student loans. I’m not sure of the other two wishes right now. I will say that #2 (at this very moment) would be money for even more tattoos.

10. have you changed gender and/or sex? That is, did you once consider yourself a gender and/or sex that you no longer identify with? My gender identity has changed. I was female. Then FtM in 2009. Then back to female in 2010. Now I’m just genderqueer. I can’t really elaborate more on why FtM didn’t work for me, but I just wasn’t happy. It wasn’t the right fit.

11. Describe your sexuality: whether or not you like sex, how you like to have sex, what your best sexual experiences have been like, the elements that need to be present for you to enjoy sex, etc. I’m queer, and I love sex. I’d say the best sexual experiences have honestly been with my husband because we’ve explored BDSM both in and out of the bedroom, and, IMO, he often engages in body worship with me.

12. what's your preferred relationship structure: monogamous, polyamorous, polyfidelitous, other? Do you have/want (a) marriage-type life partner(s)? I’m monogamous. That being said, I feel like I could possibly engage in a polyamorous relationship with the right partners.

13. how do you feel about fat? that is, how do you feel about the fat of your body and the fat of others' bodies? I’m fat and I love it, honestly. I never thought I’d love my body as much as I do at it’s present state/weight, but I much prefer it to my 120 HS days.

14. how do you feel about 'little white lies'? I feel like it *depends* on the white lie. It depends on the topic and the people involved.
classical_wolf ══╣Alex Vause - Glasses╠══
15. Who are the people you choose to spend the most time with/for, and why do they matter to you? My husband, and my close friends. That said, lately, I feel like I get along better with those who are LGBTQ.

16. how do you feel about nudity (do you like being nude / being around others who are nude)? Funny that this is a question, because I feel most comfortable about myself when I am nude. I don’t have a lot of experience around those who have been nude or who are nudists, but it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

17. how often do you push yourself to share thoughts and feelings that make you vulnerable to others? Daily. It’s why I journal.

18. do you often cuddle with friends (not just lovers) or would you if you had cuddly friends? I love to cuddle friends. I don’t get to cuddle friends at this time, purely based on my friends and their comfort with cuddling. The closest I’ve gotten are long hugs.

19. are you concerned with how humans treat the earth (and its creatures)? if so, what do you do to protect/restore it? I wish I did more, but I’ve always been active in recycling.

20. do you have a strong affinity with any particular part of the earth (a certain type of animal, plant, water body, landscape, and/or a particular place)? I have had connections with other animals, and truthfully, I’ve had multiple fursonas. I’ve been a part of the furry fandom for many years, but my fursona has changed. Initially, I was drawn to Orcas, and that changed from Wolves, to Felines and Foxes.

21. do you consider yourself a spiritual person? if so, in what ways do you express this? do you worship, pray, do ritual, meditate, other? do you have a deity(-ies)? do you identify with a particular religion? I’m not spiritual, but I’ve done some reading about crystals and their healing powers.

22. what do you believe about the parts of a person? are we just mind and body or is there more? if you believe in more, what do you call it? I do feel like there is *more*, but I’m not sure what it’s called, TBH.

23. where do you plan to spend most of your life? do you like to travel? I love to travel. I’ve only ever been to Canada in regards to traveling abroad, but I’d love to visit Europe.

24. what sort of creative things do you like to do? I’m trying to get back to playing the violin. I played from ages 8-17 and then again for a small while when I was 22. Other than that, I mess around with MIDI files of classical works and I try to make interesting musical arrangements.

25. if someone made a deluxe action figure based on you, what 3 props and 3 outfits would they have? also, what would the deluxe playset look like? Outfits, jeans, tshirts, sneakers, but lots of tattoos. I might also want a pageboy’s cap, because I love those.
classical_wolf ══╣Alex Vause - Look╠══
26. if you could know everything about one subject, what would it be? Classical music. And sociology. I studied sociology and psychology in undergrad. I’ve thought (and then tossed it aside) about going back for a PhD in Sociology even though my Masters was in a branch of counseling (Psychology) specific to disabilities and vocational planning. I’m quite a nerd.

27. if you didn't need to earn money, what would you want to do with your life? I’d want to create music and help animals.

28. do you read for fun? if so, what're your favorite genre(s), favorite author(s) and favorite book(s)? I don’t get a chance to read as much as I’d like to, but I’ve been reading a lot of body-positive and female-masculinity based books 

29. favorite color (be specific -- not just green, mint or lime or emerald): Burgundy or Silver.

30. favorite musical genre(s) / artists: Classical music re-arranged. Artists: Bond, Barrage, Vanessa Mae, etc.

31. favorite movie(s) / show(s)? Harry Potter, Law and Order SVU, OITNB, The Big Bang Theory, Top Chef, Project Runway, 30 Rock, Breaking Bad, 3rd Rock from the Sun.

32. what activities make it easiest for you to connect with other people in a deep and intimate way? Cuddling, or journaling.

33. Sum up your life philosophy in 8 words or less! “No day but today”. “No more wasted time”.

bonus: why do you read my journal (or, if you're new, what drew you to my journal)? I read your journal because of your positive outlook, but also because of your thoughts on gender, sexual orientation, and being size-positive.


classical_wolf ══╣House baffled╠══
I suck at talking about myself. :/
llama_friendly ══╣╠══
I want to read your answers!! Commenting again to post mine.
lifeofmendel ══╣╠══
i'll do all of this eventually. not right now because it's 4am, but i'm not quite ready to sleep yet, so here's a few to get started:

the Belenen survey

01. what is the name you go by among friends? is it self-chosen or was it given by someone else? Mendel. it's my birth name. when i was younger i hated it. now i really like it.

02. what's the story behind your username? when i first created this journal in 2002ish, i created the username "darknote" for my lj. at some point a few years ago i paid the money to get a name change because darknote wasn't relevant for me anymore. details on that here: http://lifeofmendel.livejournal.com/796858.html

09. If you could have three wishes granted, what would they be? a very long time ago i stopped wishing for things. i never wish upon a star or throw pennies into a fountain or any of that. the original reason why is a long story. the reason now is that i find it more important to focus on what it is that i can do and what i will do rather than what i could do or what i can't do but still want.

13. how do you feel about fat? that is, how do you feel about the fat of your body and the fat of others' bodies? in general i celebrate diversity of body types. i don't think that obesity is healthy, but i think society these days takes being slightly overweight way too seriously.

24. what sort of creative things do you like to do? my career is in music. that's what i'm focusing a lot of my creative energy in now. my actual work is with marching band stuff, but i also do my own projects on the side as a composer. my current project is creating an octophonic-sound system piece where the sounds are controlled by the LEAP motion controller. i'm doing the programming side of that right now. hopefully i'll finish that by the end of the summer, then i have to work on a paying commission for a wind ensemble piece for a group out in california. it's all awesome stuff, but it keeps me super busy.

26. if you could know everything about one subject, what would it be? poker.

27. if you didn't need to earn money, what would you want to do with your life? i'm doing what i want in life. i feel fortunate about it. anything i don't have falls into that wish category that i don't do much of.

28. do you read for fun? if so, what're your favorite genre(s), favorite author(s) and favorite book(s)? the things i read most are jim butcher, steven brust, poker books by 2+2 publishing, and my friends feed.

31. favorite movie(s) / show(s)? firefly. memento. upstream color. primer. archer.

i'll revise/do the whole thing later and probably post it in my journal. not any time in the next few days, my obsession with the programming i'm doing is taking an extra 5 or so hours out of my day these days on top of my full time job, so this will probably be a weekend project. :)

bunnika ══╣bunny: reach╠══
the Belenen survey

01. what is the name you go by among friends? is it self-chosen or was it given by someone else? Anika, and I chose it myself. Been legal and official for over seven years now.
02. what's the story behind your username? Just a combination of my nickname (Bunny) and my legal name (Anika). This is important primarily for pronunciation, because people who mispronounce “Anika” think my username is pronounced “bun-EE-kuh” instead of “BUN-i-kuh.”
03. age and sign of the zodiac (sun, rising, and moon if you know them): 30, Capricorn in the Aquarius cusp, Cancer moon
04. what are your self-labels? I just answered this so I’m gonna be lazy. :-P
05. around which core values do you structure your morality? Yup gonna keep doin’ this.
06. what makes you cry actual tears of joy? what makes you cry actual tears of sorrow? Mostly deeply personal things, for both responses. I’ll sometimes cry either during rituals, depending on what sort of energy/response I’m getting. I can be sappy and cry during stories like “look at this happy rescued animal” sort of thing. Inspiration porn can make me cry angry tears. I cry a lot lately over not being able to conceive, that’s definitely sorrow. But I’ve cried happy tears over being a mom already. I’ve cried joyful tears when in Nature, alone and feeling that connection that makes me feel so not alone. I cry sorrowful tears when Nature is thoughtlessly destroyed. Really, I cry fairly easily, so it’s hard to encapsulate everything.
07. what qualities are you currently working on developing in yourself? Patience is probably the big one. I’m not a very patient person, but there is so much going on in my life right now that is just a waiting game, it’s sort of exhausting. I was just talking this morning about my chances at teacher certification, which I won’t know about for another 12 weeks. I’m waiting to hear back from schools, waiting to hear about a job, waiting to get pregnant, waiting waiting waiting and it’s driving me up the fucking wall.
08. do you consider yourself anti-prejudice and anti-oppression? if so, in what ways do you help to create equality in the world? Yes, though I know I don’t do “enough” to be viewed that way by some people. Most of what I do is talk. I call out prejudiced behavior when I see it, and talk about ways we can challenge it, prevent it, fix it. My words are my best weapon, and so I use them as best I can. I’ve been told that I’m not making a difference because I’m not out there marching on Washington (an ableist suggestion, btw) but I’ve had plenty of people tell me my words have changed their outlook, and that means a lot.
09. If you could have three wishes granted, what would they be? And again.
10. have you changed gender and/or sex? That is, did you once consider yourself a gender and/or sex that you no longer identify with? Just gonna link the tag because it’s not like you don’t know this already.
11. Describe your sexuality: whether or not you like sex, how you like to have sex, what your best sexual experiences have been like, the elements that need to be present for you to enjoy sex, etc. Thiiiiis is honestly sort of a triggering question for me, so I’m gonna leave it blank and maybe write an entry that I can keep friends-locked and not feel so nervous about.
12. what's your preferred relationship structure: monogamous, polyamorous, polyfidelitous, other? Do you have/want (a) marriage-type life partner(s)? I don’t think I have a personal preference, but I’m monogamous in my relationship now. I’m definitely the type who likes long-term family and marriage.
13. how do you feel about fat? that is, how do you feel about the fat of your body and the fat of others' bodies? Fat-positive!
14. how do you feel about 'little white lies'? I really don’t like lies at all, little white or otherwise.
bunnika ══╣bunny: reach╠══
15. Who are the people you choose to spend the most time with/for, and why do they matter to you? My partner and my daughter. They’re the most supportive, loving, honest people in my life, and I love them more than the world.
16. how do you feel about nudity (do you like being nude / being around others who are nude)? Honestly, since the rape, my own nudity makes me nervous in a lot of contexts. It makes me feel vulnerable. I haven’t really had circumstance to explore my feelings on the nudity of others.
17. how often do you push yourself to share thoughts and feelings that make you vulnerable to others? Often. I share pretty much all my thoughts on my LJ, which allows me a platform to share them with my partner with less anxiety. I’m no good at keeping things to myself, I always want to talk everything out.
18. do you often cuddle with friends (not just lovers) or would you if you had cuddly friends? I honestly don’t know anymore. I don’t have any nearby cuddly friends, so it’s not something that comes up. I’m nervous about physical touch in a way I didn’t use to be (again, this cycles back to sexual violence) so I’m not 100% sure how I’d handle it.
19. are you concerned with how humans treat the earth (and its creatures)? if so, what do you do to protect/restore it? I am, but I honestly do precious little. :-( We bought a gas-efficient car, and are religious recyclers (the school I work at doesn’t recycle, so I bring all my papers home with me), but I can’t even afford to buy organic produce. :-(
20. do you have a strong affinity with any particular part of the earth (a certain type of animal, plant, water body, landscape, and/or a particular place)? Several! I have a love/fear relationship with water, because drowning is actually one of my deepest fears, but I still love the water in all its forms, from oceans to lakes to rivers. Can’t keep me away, afraid or not. I have an intense passion for trees, all trees, though old growth are so stunning to me. (Meeting the redwoods was magical.) I have a particular affinity for Brunswick fig trees because I grew one myself from a clipping brought back from Sicily, and I developed a very deep bond with that tree. (It was mutilated several times and eventually torn from the earth, because people are cruel. It still makes me cry if I think on it too much.) As far as animals go, I have a love for bunnies because they’re so happy and free. Something about a binky is just full of life and laughter to me. I have a connection with sharks because I deeply respect how evolutionarily perfect they are, how they’ve survived so much for so many millenia.
21. do you consider yourself a spiritual person? if so, in what ways do you express this? do you worship, pray, do ritual, meditate, other? do you have a deity(-ies)? do you identify with a particular religion? linky linky.
22. what do you believe about the parts of a person? are we just mind and body or is there more? if you believe in more, what do you call it? and again.
23. where do you plan to spend most of your life? do you like to travel? I love travel, though I don’t get to do as much of it as I’d like. (Due to finances and the logistics of traveling with a child.) I don’t yet know where I want to spend most of my life. Distinctly not here, that’s for sure. I want to start someplace fresh. I want it to be warm and have natural features that put me in awe.
24. what sort of creative things do you like to do? Crochet, make jewelry, I used to like drawing and painting, but feel as if my talents have withered, so I haven’t really done anything like that in a long time (though it’s something I’d like to change).
bunnika ══╣bunny: reach╠══
25. if someone made a deluxe action figure based on you, what 3 props and 3 outfits would they have? also, what would the deluxe playset look like? yup.
26. if you could know everything about one subject, what would it be? Just did this one.
27. if you didn't need to earn money, what would you want to do with your life? I’d definitely go to school a lot. I don’t ever want to be finished learning. I think largely, I’d be happy just being a mom and taking care of my household. It’d give me plenty of time for cooking and baking, which would make me enormously happy. I’d be able to set aside time for myself to be in Nature, alone, which would be huge for me.
28. do you read for fun? if so, what're your favorite genre(s), favorite author(s) and favorite book(s)? I do, though not much lately (been on a self-help book kick). I tend to like thrillers and horror the best, though I read a wide breadth of genres. For trashy books, I love the Agent Pendergast books by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. Hardly great literature, but so much fun. I’ve always had Alexandre Dumas as a favorite, but it’s been ages since I read any. I really love the classics, and enjoy Shakespeare (my favorite being Macbeth) and Poe (my favorite being The Masque of the Red Death). I’ve got oodles of books around here right now that I can’t wait to crack into, but I’ve got therapy assignments I need to get through first.
29. favorite color (be specific -- not just green, mint or lime or emerald): Bright, sunshiney orange. Orange so bright it’s almost golden but not. I also love purple, toward the violet spectrum (again, especially bright) and vibrant teal (not quite turquoise, darker than that). I also love them in combo, orange with purple and purple with teal.
30. favorite musical genre(s) / artists: I sort of hate listing genres (because I don’t think about them much, and just listen to whatever), but my favorite artists are Florence and the Machine, Queen, and Depeche Mode.
31. favorite movie(s) / show(s)? Movies: Stranger Than Fiction, Event Horizon, Eternal Sunshine, so many more but I suck at thinking of them when prompted. TV: Hannibal, Revenge, Once Upon a Time, Community, Parks & Rec, Supernatural, Grimm, Xena, Battlestar Galactica, Chuck, Fullmetal Alchemist and bunches more but that’s already too long. I watch lots and lots of TV.
32. what activities make it easiest for you to connect with other people in a deep and intimate way? I don’t think I really have many activities that allow me to connect intimately with people. I’m a big fan of shared leisure time, whether that means gaming together, or reading together, or shopping together, but I find just sitting and talking with people to be the best way to connect. It’s why I really like sharing meals with people, because you’re doing something you enjoy with someone else, but it’s not so distracting that you can’t enjoy good conversation.
33. Sum up your life philosophy in 8 words or less! Live fully, laugh loudly, and love hard.
bonus: why do you read my journal (or, if you're new, what drew you to my journal)? Because I love you and want to know you as well as I can.
lilywolfsolomon ══╣╠══
1-10
There are times I have more trouble with words. I wanted to do this survey but my energy is low and words feel uninspired right now. And my fear is that I'm not going to say anything right, or the way I would say it if I was more connected with my essence... but I'll try to just let that go, and see what comes.

01. what is the name you go by among friends? is it self-chosen or was it given by someone else?
Mostly Lily and various variations of it (Tiger Lily, Lily Wolf, Lillers, Lillum, Trillium, etc.) It was sort of self-chosen, I'd say more divine-chosen, symbolizing abundance ("consider the lilies"), playfulness, qualities that I wanted to cultivate. It was originally my name for the divine I wrote to in my journal -- "dear Lily" -- and synchronicity led to the realization that it was a name for me.

02. what's the story behind your username?

When I want to start a new Live Journal I don't like waiting for the right name to come to me, so there's really no story behind this one. Other names that I've used have been earthsong and coloursofmyhome (the latter from a song on a theme album about Lord of the Rings that really resonated with me, the chorus: "I went to face disaster for the colours of my home...")

03. age and sign of the zodiac (sun, rising, and moon if you know them):

31 and Sagittarius, rising/moon Capricorn I think which I have a difficult relationship with, to say the least.

04. what are your self-labels?
I'm not such a fan of labels and despite that I guess I use them more than my fair share. As soon as I attach myself too much to any label I start rebelling against it. From my OK Cupid profile: "Queer, kinky, switch, genderqueer/trans, pagan-ish, shamanic, anarchist, geeky, empathic, sex-positive, body-positive, femininity-positive feminist, race/gender activist, consent advocate, spiritual, critic of dominant culture colonialism and oppression, poly-ish, label-questioning, soulmate-seeking sensual hopeful romantic Jewish-Christian-Mulsim-Buddhist pagan girlboy who is a bundle of awesome contradictions."

05. around which core values do you structure your morality?

They shift with time and with intuition about what is right in a given situation. I seem to have a gut sense of when a solution is *not* right or when something better is possible and I don't stop thinking and looking at how things affect everyone. Love, beauty, justice/equity... empathy. Also I'm very sensitive to, 'is there a double standard here?'

06. what makes you cry actual tears of joy? what makes you cry actual tears of sorrow?

Tears of joy, stories of people building bridges and coming together against the odds... sorrow, stories of broken hearts, of animals being hurt...

07. what qualities are you currently working on developing in yourself?

At the moment, courage, I suppose... to go out and do things with my life when I'm terrified! Standing my ground on this earth and claiming my right to be here.

08. do you consider yourself anti-prejudice and anti-oppression? if so, in what ways do you help to create equality in the world?

Until fairly recently it all seemed so overwhelming I had no idea what sorts of concrete things I could actually do. And it gets overwhelming wanting to do e verything. I think the biggest thing that is core to me is 'creating space for belonging,' encouraging people who tend to be silenced to realize their power. I hope I can point people to some of the beauty in the world. Looking at the ways that systems create inequity and oppression and challenging them in whatever small ways I can in my life.

09. If you could have three wishes granted, what would they be?

That we find ways to heal and respect each other and create the beautiful world(s) that are possible.

That endangered ecosystems find their way back to resiliency.

That I find the love I've always dreamed of...

10. have you changed gender and/or sex? That is, did you once consider yourself a gender and/or sex that you no longer identify with?

I once considered myself a gender that I thought I was 'supposed to' identify with simply because no one ever showed me that I could choose my own life and story in more radical ways.
lilywolfsolomon ══╣╠══
11-15
11. Describe your sexuality: whether or not you like sex, how you like to have sex, what your best sexual experiences have been like, the elements that need to be present for you to enjoy sex, etc.

It's a creative exploration. My best sexual experiences involve intense eye-to-eye contact. Safety, caring, and appreciation need to be present for me to enjoy sex.

12. what's your preferred relationship structure: monogamous, polyamorous, polyfidelitous, other? Do you have/want (a) marriage-type life partner(s)?
Relationship anarchist might be a somewhat better word for it. I do want *a* relationship that's radical in the attention and care and love and work that's put into it, with someone I feel grounded with and move through life with, and I want there to be a mutual desire to cultivate the best and most magical relationship we possibly can... but I don't want that to mean that the way I interact with others is limited. It's hard because none of these options quite fits me. In the past my closest relationships have been monogamous so I'm really scared that I might not find the kind of relationship that works for me...

13. how do you feel about fat? that is, how do you feel about the fat of your body and the fat of others' bodies?

On others' bodies, I often simply adore it. I sometimes envy it. I celebrate it. And it's awesome for cuddling. On my body, it's sometimes really, really hard to accept, to the extent that I'm really afraid right now to be active and meet other people and do anything fun and it just turns into this big cycle. :( I 'should' myself so much especially when I've spent the winter being depressed and unable to do very much. I'm terrified of people being disgusted by me. The way I feel about my body in general shifts from really positive to really negative pretty frequently and right now I'm in this negative avoidant place.

14. how do you feel about 'little white lies'?

When it's a close friend I feel hurt when someone feels the need to lie to me about something supposedly benign. I understand but I'll try to explain to them the degree of openness that's important to me. I cannot get myself to tell one myself, in most circumstances. Sometimes, with people I haven't been actively cultivating intimacy with, if I need to say something that's not 100% clear or true in order to save me much needed energy, I might do that.

15. Who are the people you choose to spend the most time with/for, and why do they matter to you?

I spend a lot of time with my Shalom Mountain community because the principles and skills of loving really create amazing safe space for people to be authentic and real and come alive. The friends I spend time with most often seem to love nature, have a lot of empathy, and are familiar with emotional instability. I spend so, so much time in ordinary life trying to guage what is safe to disclose to others and so I really cherish people who help create spaces where we can be whoever the hell we are.

lilywolfsolomon ══╣╠══
21. do you consider yourself a spiritual person? if so, in what ways do you express this? do you worship, pray, do ritual, meditate, other? do you have a deity(-ies)? do you identify with a particular religion?

Yes, and though this has been something I've probably written hundreds if not thousands of pages on over the last few years, I don't have an answer! I consider pretty much every experience I have in my life 'spiritual,' and I'm not sure I have a good definition of what that means right now except... connected...? It comes in words and fragments at certain times and all of that put together both/and with paradox is spirit. I love long-term silent Buddhist meditation though it's harder for me to keep up a daily practice. I pray in my journal and in my walking (often just looking up at the sky and speaking my prayers aloud and feeling the awe and reverence in my body). I love ritual and creating it in all sorts of ways. I don't identify with a particular religion but I resonate with mystical and engaged aspects of many different religions. I particularly resonate with Judaism, Buddhism, and Christianity.

22. what do you believe about the parts of a person? are we just mind and body or is there more? if you believe in more, what do you call it?

Words are never sufficient no matter what we call it. There is much more. Maybe I call it 'awe.'

23. where do you plan to spend most of your life? do you like to travel?

I love to travel and have lived in and fallen in love with many different places. I like to become intimate with a geography when I travel. I plan on spending most of my life wherever I find community that feels like home, where I find nature that I connect with... I don't know where that will be yet... though even then I can't see myself staying in one place all the time.

24. what sort of creative things do you like to do?

Journaling/writing/poetry, photography, mixed media, thinking about attempting a zine, knitting and fabric arts, music... I love it all but have a lot of 'I'm not good enough' stories...

25. if someone made a deluxe action figure based on you, what 3 props and 3 outfits would they have? also, what would the deluxe playset look like?

I need to think about this one.

26. if you could know everything about one subject, what would it be?

Maybe something along the lines of anti-oppression psychology... or creating and facilitating safe, loving spaces where people can heal... or, edible and medicinal plants!!!

27. if you didn't need to earn money and you could have free training in anything as long as you were willing to give the time, what would you want to do with your life?

Maybe I'd study Shalom process training so that what I'd be doing with my life would be loving.

28. do you read for fun? if so, what're your favorite genre(s), favorite author(s) and favorite book(s)?
Definitely! Not enough fiction but I really enjoy fantasy and classics. Wise Child, Harry Potter, Jane Eyre... I have such a hard time remembering all my favourites or coming up with a list of things.

29. favorite color (be specific -- not just green, mint or lime or emerald):

electric purple?

30. favorite musical genre(s) / artists: musicals, folk/... Favourite artist Dave Carter and Tracy Grammer.

31. favorite movie(s) / show(s):

Life is Beautiful, Amelie, Cloud Atlas... again I seem to be having trouble thinking of lists.

32. what activities make it easiest for you to connect with other people in a deep and intimate way?
Apples to Apples or things that elicit laughter as an icebreaker. :)

33. Sum up your life philosophy in 8 words or less!

Walk in awe, beauty, love and paradox.

bonus: why do you read my journal (or, if you're new, what drew you to my journal)?

When I started reading it I saw so many ideas around intimacy and connection and community that reflected me and that inspired me. I can't read your journal without being provided with some new way of thinking about or being with something. It is full of distinctions that have helped me.
lilywolfsolomon ══╣╠══
16-20
16. how do you feel about nudity (do you like being nude / being around others who are nude)?

I love being nude and around others that are nude. I haven't had a chance to do it very often but when I do it's like a savior to me, a lot of my complexes (to put it in psychological terms) seem to fall away. I've written about it, how prohibitions of nudity seem to be so related to the systems of domination that are in place. How nudity in some ways is one of the most subversive things I can do... and I immediately *feel* the subversiveness of it -- challenging the body shame, the boundaries and borders that are so often policed. Having to keep clothes over the feeling of the sun and wind on my skin and my feet on the earth keeps me trapped and having the opportunity to be nude helps me envision other ways to break out of systems that I do not consent to be a part of.

17. how often do you push yourself to share thoughts and feelings that make you vulnerable to others?

It's important to me. As often as I'm able. Right now my living situation is with family who I cannot be vulnerable with and it's very hard to navigate having to shut myself off here and then opening myself back up to be vulnerable with others... it's a really hard thing to turn off and on. I *do* like when others push me to be vulnerable and who are willing to do the same. I belong to several communities where vulnerability is sort of a core value. There are definitely times when I shut down more and I think it has a lot to do with being forced to do that to be safe where I live. But I hugely value vulnerability and love being with people with whom I can create a safe container for vulnerability. Sometimes certain things, like a cuddle, or an eye-gazing session, or going into nature (or in a safe that feels good because I'm very sensitive to space), are things that I need in order to be more vulnerable. If I'm having trouble being verbally vulnerable and need a push, for some reason, eye-gazing is incredibly helpful for getting me there. It can be a process. Part of being vulnerable is understanding and trying to share what that process is and to help others go through it with me.

18. do you often cuddle with friends (not just lovers) or would you if you had cuddly friends?

It's been such a long time since I've had an opportunity to cuddle, and this is part of why I'm so scared right now... you know, like Amelie who's father thinks she has a heart issue because it beats a million kilometers an hour whenever he tries to listen to it. I'm afraid of seeking it out. If I had the opportunity I'd cuddle every day, at least a couple hours. And I'd hold hands with friends walking through the woods or down the street. Last summer was a cuddling paradise. I remember four of us sleeping out by a campfire under the night sky, slow drops of rain falling on us... not getting to cuddle is one of the hardest things for me... I was most alive then.

19. are you concerned with how humans treat the earth (and its creatures)? if so, what do you do to protect/restore it?

Ecological devastation has been an area that was affecting me really badly with hopelessness and I needed to distance myself from it a bit in order to continue functioning. I've studied natural building, want to build and help people build with natural materials... I want to help lead things like Joanna Macy's Work That Reconnects. I'm very interested in urban sustainability and renewal in communities like Detroit. I want to slowly get back to a point where I can make a difference while being able to deal with the inner stuff it brings up.

20. do you have a strong affinity with any particular part of the earth (a certain type of animal, plant, water body, landscape, and/or a particular place)?

I love many places for many reasons. I feel a huge affinity with water in general: rivers, rain, ocean... I could go on and on about affinity with place...
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.