July 2017
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random: life is weirdly predictable / making local friends (within a 20 minute drive) is too hard


My life feels weirdly predictable right now, which hasn't been true for so many years. Since I broke up with my ex-spouse in late 2009, I've never been able to predict where I'd be living, who I'd be with, or what my major project would be. Now I'm living in a house with rent so cheap that I can't justify moving unless I get a far better job than I have ever had, and it's likely I'll be here at least another year. I'm with a person who makes me the happiest I've ever been, and we've been sort of de facto monogamous and I don't see that changing for probably at least 5 months. My major project this year has been attempting to establish myself as an artist and tilling the soil to nurture a tribe, and I don't see that project being put aside anytime soon. School is still my endless task but I'm almost done. In that way next year will be a HUGE shift but mostly I feel so predictable it makes me a little uncomfortable.

I went on Okcupid looking for new friends in my area and messaged people asking if they prefer to be internet friends first or to meet in person first and giving my links in case it was the former. Two people responded with variations of 'internet first' but didn't add me. I feel like this is lack of reading carefully or lack of sincerity, both of which are super frustrating to me, but I thought, maybe they feel the need for a more direct invitation (or maybe they somehow don't realize I cannot add them first - well, I could but they'd probably find the searching necessary for that to be off-putting, 'stalkerish') so I wrote again saying okay, feel free to add me, with a link, and still nothing. One of them even responded to the rest of the message. What am I missing? Why is it like pulling teeth to connect with people? I feel like people 15 years younger than me won't ever have to deal with this. Social media will be understood as an extension of self and basic internetting skills will be as considered part of literacy. Of course, it could be that they saw my facebook, realized what a feminist killjoy I am, and changed their mind but didn't want to be frank about it.
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.