October 2017
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old pain triggered, not new pain inflicted


While I appreciate the intentions of comments on the previous post, I feel like no one understood what I was saying. It wasn't about Topaz, ze was just the trigger for old pain. I really wanted some empathizing for the old suffering dredged up - each one of those events/situations hurt me so deeply, especially the one with my parents. Topaz is far and away the best person I've known for being there for me when I'm sad. Today I cried all over zir again and ze was completely supportive, which is the norm with us. It's really important to me that I make this clear - it was a few half-baked discussions that we didn't have the energy to finish and never went back to and hashed out. I've never been able to lay in anyone else's lap and cry and ask them endless questions for reassurance and have them give patient love. I am still scared that one of those situations will happen again, but it is not a rational fear, considering Topaz' behavior.

Please dont fret if you made a comment, i probably should have rearranged the paragraphs and put the conclusion first and then the spark that caused it.

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Comments
ecosopher ══╣╠══


I am so sorry I've not been very responsive with regards to comments lately, but please know I'm reading you and thinking of you.
darkestgarden ══╣╠══
i can't imagine how panic-making and awful it must be to have an incident drudge up all those worst fears and worries. obviously it was a horrible head space to be in and i'm sorry you had to endure it. i'm glad topaz was able to help you feel better though.
callmebee ══╣╠══
You know, I never really have anything to say because I can't fix any of these things. . . But I do read, and there is a silent but steady support from me. Especially with relationships, because I can relate on a personal level.
siduri ══╣╠══
I also read and absorb what you are saying here. It feels like you have something you really NEED to express and this is a very good place to do that. I am not that you are actually looking for more of a response than-"I hear you." I hope so, anyway...
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.