November 2017
      1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30


Random: autumn winds bring SAD / psychiatry fail/ missing creation


Today I felt tired emotionally and physically, and also a bit down. I can tell that summer is leaving- it's 72 outside :( I stayed overnight at Topaz' and didn't bring any contacts so I'm wearing glasses, which makes me feel disconnected from the world and sleepy, and I don't have my sunlight lamp and Topaz keeps zir house cold (I dislike air conditioning when it makes temps below 75) so it's setting off my SAD. Also my car is low on oil so I didn't want to go out and get coffee and the coffee I had this morning was inexplicably bad, so I'm not caffeined enough. I did good self-care though, took a nap, reflected on what might help and realized that if Topaz took me out (so I don't have to drive Hedwig while ze's low on oil) to get coffee and oil that would make me feel way better. Topaz liked that idea so we're doing it soon. I have been very worried that I was lapsing into depression, so my not-getting-swept-under by this cluster of downness makes me feel hopeful.

I was supposed to be trying a new medication, but apparently my psychiatrist forgot that I don't have insurance or riches, and one month would cost $550, so I laughed ruefully and left without it. I guess it's buproprion for me until I can get an outside psychiatrist who can prescribe real ADD meds. It helps some, so I'm glad to have that at least.

This week has been very emotionally intense and I hope to write about it soon. I feel very irritated with my lack of creation lately.

back to top

Comments
keiwontia ══╣╠══
"This week has been very emotionally intense and I hope to write about it soon. "

Looking forward to it :)
belenen ══╣incitement╠══
<3
slinkslowdown ══╣╠══
I'm so sorry--and angry--about your med situation. :(

If I had to pay for my meds, I'd be SOL and it would not end well... Since I'm disabled, the government gives me free medical that also covers prescriptions of most drugs.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
yeah, paying for meds is super awful in the states. This new clinic has sliding scale and includes a pharmacy so maybe it'll be perfect *luck hopes so hard!*
bunnika ══╣╠══
This weather I can handle, but what I know's on the way? Ugh. I'm about to fall apart from it, it's already in the cards.

I look forward to hearing about your week though!
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
:-(( sorry love! do you have a lightbox?
classical_wolf ══╣╠══
So sorry about the meds situation :(
belenen ══╣giving╠══
thank you <3
volamonster ══╣descent of man╠══
That sounds like a painful place to be in. I'm so glad you have Topaz there. I hope the SAD eases up / backs off. I get SAD as well starting around October. It's awful. Thinking of you.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
I'm dealing pretty well so far, I think the regular meditation with the lightbox will help. I usually forget it exists, and then it doesn't help at all :-p Do you have a sunlight lamp?
volamonster ══╣mushroom's dragon╠══
I do! My pup and I will both curl up in front of it while I have my morning coffee in the cold, dark months.
delicatexflower ══╣ever after; drew -- "strength"╠══

blah. that is a lot of money for medications. it's not right that they treat the poor so bad when it comes to any illness. you don't quality for being on medicaid? i know here if you are a student, you can get on the medicaid system and possibly get food stamps for that. but i don't know how your state is, so it may be something you need to research.

yesterday, i too didn't have any energy or motivation to do anything. i know it's my SAD setting in, too. i would suggest topaz can drive you to a park where there's beautiful colorful trees? the trees aren't bare yet and i think it may inspire you see some colors. ♥

another suggestion is at night when the sky is clear, look at the sky with a blanket with topaz by your side ♥ feel better james! xx
belenen ══╣tree consonance╠══
<3 yes, those are great ideas! thank you for the well-wishes <3
call_me_katya ══╣╠══
SAD's horrible. I tend to get it worst in February. At least you know you're prone to it though, and you have methods of dealing with it [the lamp] and most of all, at least you can tell yourself it isn't a full depressive bout and there's a light at the end of the tunnel!
belenen ══╣hypnotiq╠══
yeah, February and March are worst for me too. Right now I'm doing pretty well, I just get a dip in mood when the cold comes in because then I know physically that winter is coming.
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
yikes, bel, I had no idea :\ I hope our conversation last night didn't drag you down any further, love :( Thanks again for being there for me <3
belenen ══╣artless╠══
no worries! I had the energy for it, so I didn't suffer at all <3 much love!
meri_sielu ══╣magpie/crow friends╠══
I look forward to hearing about your week and I hope you're feeling better soon <3
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
thank you!
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
I feel similar about the fall scene. I'm easily affected by the changes and have to put in more effort and distraction to keep me emotionally balanced. Ive been toying with the idea of buying one of those special lamps, and sometimes I wonder why I've waited this long. Probably cause I'm afraid it won't work for me.

Driving at night, with the window down, music playing, and a cup of coffee gives me liberating feels. Sometimes I feel like me and my car could just take off into the night sky.

I hope your guys drive was refreshing, romantic, and relaxing.
belenen ══╣wanderlust╠══
I put it off for the same reason!!! I actually didn't buy the one I have, but I had it on my wishlist and Abby got it for me for Solstice like three years ago. It was such a perfect gift because I was afraid to get it but I needed it. It works wonders.

Driving at night, with the window down, music playing, and a cup of coffee gives me liberating feels. Sometimes I feel like me and my car could just take off into the night sky.

YESSS, that is exactly how I feel! something about driving at night is just different <3
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.