November 2017
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weekly meditation / coming forth & Kanika / beginning work on my book of magic / Kylei & ritual


Taking time out of sleep for this, because it is important.

Lately I've been meditating weekly with some combination of Abby, Kei-Won-Tia, and Anika, and it's been surprisingly (to me) nourishing. I started doing it because I wanted more time with Abby and wanted to help motivate Abby to meditate since ze says it's really helpful to zir, but I've never really gotten much from meditation and I didn't expect it to build on itself. I think we've been doing it for about 6 weeks now and I do it a little differently each time. Sometimes I hold an object from my altar, sometimes I visualize, sometimes I look through an oracle deck and pull things that seem to have a message for me that day, sometimes I chant, sometimes I just reflect on my life. But every time, I set my blue pillow in front of my light box and absorb the light while I do this.

Today, I was reading through the Chapters of Coming-forth by Day, stopping when I got to spells that felt good and chanting them out loud. When I got to a spell about my heart and started reading it out loud, I almost cried, I don't know why, it just felt so strong, and Kanika, who was laying across the room, jumped up and RAN over and climbed in my lap and purred and purred. I put aside the book after a second chant of that verse and put both hands around zir and ze was content and happy about it! (ze usually does not like to be held in any surrounding way) Kanika is very energetically sensitive - I have seen zir interact with spirits (I checked carefully to be sure there were no tiny bugs for zir to be staring at), and when I do magic things ze likes to be in it, but I have never seen zir react so suddenly and strongly.

After that experience (my second time reading out loud from this) I realized I wanted to make a book of magic. I had wanted to for a while but didn't feel like I had enough to put in it. I want to put in the spells from the Chapters of Coming-forth by Day that resonate with me, and the bits of the Bible that resonate enough for recitation, and bits from my favorite other books that I could read out loud and feel nourished by, as well as any spells I make, any rituals I create, any affirmations I write. I started menstruating today, and I am going to use some of my blood as watercolor paint to bind the book to me. Allison made me a book years and years ago, for my 22nd birthday (auspicious number!) and I was always afraid of using it because it's so fucking beautiful, but this is perfect.

Kylei came over tonight and we talked about magic some, and ze participated in a cleansing ritual I did for the 70s suitcase I got to house either my journals or letters, not sure which yet. Ze also wrote some in a book ze has been using for sacred writing for many years, and shared this with me. I just barely began my work on my magic book, but it was enough, I have begun.

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Comments
keiwontia ══╣╠══
I am excited about this project for you! Magic and meaning and mindfulness are so much a part of what I think of when I think of you. I expect much self discovery and self care for you to come out of creating your book of magic. I'm filled with joy at the idea of binding it to you with your blood, especially menstrual blood because it is celebratory of your body rather than the societally traditional shaming of the female-body menstrual cycle. I adore you and your ideas. If you end up wanting to share the words that nourish you (passages, spells, and otherwise) I would be honored and ecstatic to read them, either on LJ or (preferably) in person from the book itself. <3 also, I found this interesting. Let me know what you think? http://www.luckymojo.com/bodyfluids.html

#verbose #ilu
belenen ══╣Renenutet╠══
I love love love this comment :D and that link was fascinating - it resonates strongly with my feelings.

I will be happy to share once I feel it is fully consecrated. I missed the first day of my period so I won't have blood for it for another month, so that is when it will be consecrated. (I feel the first blood is the most potent and sacred) I will be working on it in the meantime <3

#beverboseallthetime! #jknopressure #butyourwordsarewelcome
siduri ══╣╠══
I love the idea of making personal books of magic. I have one started as well, I need to continue further with it. I love your idea of working with the Book of Coming Forth by Day.
belenen ══╣inspired╠══
oh cool! I would love to see photos or excerpts from it <3
siduri ══╣╠══
I have only one page done yet, but I will be sure to post photos when it progresses further.
raidingparty ══╣╠══
Not quite the same...
... but I was once unexpectedly overcome with emotion during a professional massage. No (mental?) memories or images, wasn't a bad day or anything, just felt like crying all of a sudden.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Re: Not quite the same...
I know what you mean. Quite a few massage therapists I have known say you store memories/emotions in your body and so massage can release them. I believe it.
wildrose ══╣╠══
keiwontia ══╣╠══
"period blood does have quite a strong smell "

Does it? I have anosmia, so I only know what others share. I've never had a person mention my vaginal scent or my blood as bad or pungent.. I'm wondering if it's individual to one's body's ph and bacteria/yeast levels, etc.
queerbychoice ══╣╠══
Period blood doesn't immediately have a strong smell, but after it sits in the open air for a day or two it acquires one, because bacteria start breaking it down. That's true for anyone. However, I don't think it'll be an issue for painting with it because the smell will go away after the bacteria finish their job.
wildrose ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣artless╠══
I don't do the kind of meditation where you put all thoughts out of your head. I'm not looking for nirvana ;-) I just practice focused, aware thinking in various ways. You might try "active meditation" as it's called. I do this also: a movement that is mindless, which I can focus on to bring myself to awareness and in-the-moment-ness.

Blood doesn't smell after it dries, at least, not strongly. I like the smell of my blood when it is fresh. Have you ever tried free bleeding? it's a very different smell when the blood is not in a pad or tampon.
kiwi ══╣Flower╠══
This actually inspired me to do something similar with a book...so thank you. I've been waiting for inspiration to come along, though I didn't realize it until it was presented. <3
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
I am very glad to give the spark! <3
aubkabob ══╣me.╠══
I have always said that I meant to meditate more, and I realized just last night as I was crawling into bed that I do almost nightly, right at that point. I free my feet (if sock-footed) and empty my mind and reflect on the day. I think that it would be a glorious thing to turn this more inward, focus on breathing, etc. I think that this would help greatly in providing peace to my subconscious before trying to sleep.
belenen ══╣curious╠══
wow, yeah, right before sleep is probably a wonderful time to do it, because that gives your dreams a sort of kick-start on organizing what you've learned! I have never tried this and now I am curious.
aubkabob ══╣dreams╠══
I suppose I ruin it a bit by immediately crawling under the covers and reading for a half hour, though! It's a phenomenal way to review the day in a way that isn't hurtful or regretful. I allow my mind to only look at facts, not at any self-loathing or hatred that comes with whatever I did or did not accomplish.

I've also discovered recently that I sleep so much more soundly if after I turn off the lights, put the Kindle away, and roll over to sleep, I keep my mind clear, whereas before, I would tell myself little stories, sort of like a bed time story to the self.
call_me_katya ══╣╠══
I love that this is a beginning. The beginning of your book is so exciting and includes so many possibilities. A blank page can be so thrilling and I like the idea of writing out your favourite pre-existing passages, spells you've made and rituals that don't even exist yet! The idea of the blood just adds to the personal aspect, and power.

I also really dig the idea of storing precious letters/papers in a retro suitcase!
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Yes! I am very excited about it <3

When I get the suitcase sorted I shall share photos. It's really cool-looking! I got it for like $8 at my favorite thrift store.
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
I love your magical ways! At least what you're willing to share with us on here.

I'm really excited for this new project of yours. :D

I've been meditating to the sunset. I've been using it as my form of light therapy until it gets too cold outside. I'm still working myself up to buy that lamp. Lol
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.