July 2017
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ADD-PI blatherings


When I first went to the psychiatrist about my ADD-PI, it was because I had gone from like 70% coping to 30% coping and I could still function but only by working myself into a panic, which was harming me emotionally and not sustainable. At first buproprion helped a good bit, brought me to like 55%, but my ADD-PI has slowly been getting worse, I think maybe due to stress or maybe this is just the progression. Now I'm at like 45% on good days (which is better than the 20-30% of no meds).

My memory has gotten worse, to alarming levels (I cannot remember what happened three days ago without help), and my distractability is terrible. I've found myself getting distracted while driving which almost never happens as I focus very hard while driving (only texting when stopped, not having any involved conversations). I will be doing one thing and suddenly realize I'm doing something else, without having made a conscious choice to switch tasks. I forget so many things: I'll go to a room and not remember why I'm there. If I do not put something on my calendar it will not happen, because I will not remember. My room is a mess, because I can't focus enough to get it tidy in one go and if there is a little mess then I don't bother to avoid making more. I was talking with Kylei and ze said I sound more ADD than before (ze's my most ADD friend, and actually the reason I realized I have ADD). I am constantly feeling like I have forgotten something, but I can no longer just reflect and remember what it is. I need real meds.

I have so many great little tricks for coping but they straight up won't work if I don't have the brain power for them. I keep forgetting that I need to eat, even when I am hungry. I think 'I should put that in my calendar' and then get distracted. This is after years of training myself to do stuff or set reminders immediately so I don't forget. I just have times when I can't even maintain focus for 15 seconds.

Also ADD makes a vicious cycle with any brain problems I'm having. If I'm stressed or depressed, that makes my ADD worse, which increases the stress or depression, which makes my ADD worse... I need ADD meds not only to stop the problems ADD causes by itself, but to stop other problems from growing endlessly.
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.