November 2017
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overwhelmed: too much everything, school, relationships, car, art, work, families...


icon: "overwhelmed (the character Keenan from "Playing By Heart," with hands over their face covering their eyes and head tilted back)"

Whew. I have been so massively overwhelmed for SO LONG. Not all the overwhelming things are bad but they're just such a lot.

Since the first week of November I've had at least one gigantic stats project due every week. One with a presentation, two that were exams, one that took me over 24 hours (as in, counting the hours spent over a week) to complete... ugh. I think the shortest one was 6 hours, most were at least 8. So fucking much work, and the kind of work that takes all of my brain and leaves me exhausted after.

My car threw a belt at the beginning of October - luckily it was the AC belt so I could keep driving but I held my breath every time because the others were just as worn and if they broke my car would be hopelessly shitted and I might die if it broke at the wrong moment. Finally got that fixed last week but my car's been making a horrible scraping noise and I'm so tired of broken shit I haven't taken it back to get that checked.

In addition, working on some weekends for Topaz' parents (who I feel on high alert around because I have to act normal) to make some food money, a conflict w Kylei that kept getting put off because I was trying to do it in real-time (finally got settled this week because I gave up and sent an email), going to Topaz' family thanksgiving, cleaning/organizing/planning in preparation for solstice, getting/making presents, working a lot on my various art shops and (with Topaz' help) setting up a central facebook page for it, being a support to a friend going through intense trauma, going to Ashe's birthday where there was one person who has an unresolved conflict with me and another who I'm pretty sure hates me, oh, and the loads of hoop jumping for getting meds. And a houseguest who is still a very new person to me (they needed a safe place) - it has turned out wonderfully but I was pretty nervous about it and put a lot of energy into setting it up. Plus I'm sure some other things I can't think of because my memory is shit.

And I'm bad about journaling when I'm actually on LJ because I'm always "well I wanna read first" and then I run out of time. So. This is on my phone.

*deeeeeeep sigh* really hoping that my professors next semester are better organized and don't drop everything on me at the end of the semester.

Also, there's a kind of spiritual shift happening with me, which I haven't had a chance to really explore yet. And my fractal art makes me so fuckin happy, I feel like I have talent with it and I'm building skill quite fast lately. My amazing friend chillychilly22 is supporting my art via patreon and that keeps me motivated, but I have had so little time and I've felt bad about rendering because my stats programs take up just as much effort for the computer and I don't want to cause it damage by running it full throttle all the time. Overall though, I've been making stuff I'm super proud of, and I've even had two strangers buy my art! Can't wait to make new things over my (very short and busy) break. School ended late and starts early, what is that. And I'm going to visit my bioparents (and Anika) over New Years, which is a stress hanging over me. It'll mean a thirteen hour bus ride each way, which (except for visiting Anika) will be the fun part.

Next week, I have 6 things to make to finish up my solstice gifts, and I've gotta help Topaz finish preparing for guests. Also Abby is visiting, then Kat and Anika! SO MUCH HAPPEN.

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Comments
keiwontia ══╣╠══
I'm glad your car is mostly not a death trap anymore. You have all my sympathies for your never ending stress. I'm happy to hear that your house guest is working out so far. Are they coming to solstice? (If you mentioned this already I apologize; shit for memory at times)

Also, really looking forward to the next couple weeks. I have you (and others) to thank for that, by way of support and advice. I really appreciate you taking time to think about my "problems" and what I'm going through, in this time of overwhelming stress and emotion. <3
belenen ══╣aquarius╠══
Not sure about Solstice: gotta figure some stuff out. Nnta about memory, evar. I get it.

*sends love* You can always always ask, if I can't deal I may not respond, hopefully I will at least be able to let you know if I can't, but I am always happy to have the opportunity.
volamonster ══╣╠══
Wow, this really does sound like an overwhelming bunch of things, I can imagine feeling overwhelmed too in your position! I'm glad to hear it's not all bad-overwhelming, though.
belenen ══╣hypnotiq╠══
yeahhhhh, I can't wait to breathe out.
bunnika ══╣bel: serenity╠══
I hope that in spite of all the activity, break will be refreshing for you. When does the Spring semester start back up for you? Or are you taking Winter classes?
belenen ══╣ewwwww╠══
Spring starts on the 7th, UGH. No winter classes.
call_me_katya ══╣╠══
I'm very glad your semester is over and all your projects have been handed in on time. And you got through it, even with the extra stresses of the car and work and parties! I know you have a busy break coming up but I hope you find time to have some peace and relaxation over solstice.
belenen ══╣hypnotiq╠══
thanks! I hope so too. I think I will.
kiwi ══╣╠══
This all sounds overwhelming. Major props to you for making it through!

Also, I'm so glad the fractal art is going well!
belenen ══╣hopeful╠══
thanks and thanks! I hope to build momentum.
meri_sielu ══╣mabonlady╠══
Your artworks are truly beautiful and I am not surprised that your friend would want to support you. It sounds like the spiritual shift you are experiencing is working well for your creative muses, definitely embrace this!

I know your feels when it comes to feeling incredibly overwhelmed with stuff, especially the academic kind! I have a lot of work to do for my PGcert before my hand in in two weeks and I am really struggling to just sit down and get in with it all really, I have never been very good at starting things but once I get into a rhyhmm I'm well away. Praying for good working juices soon for both you and I. <3
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
I received your fractal. Stunning!! *heartEyes*

And your card.... So sweet, thoughtful and unexpected!

on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.