December 2017
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31


Why I am rude to pripoi defaults on purpose


icon: "contemptuous (my face making the most horrified contemptuous frown, as though I just watched someone eat fresh shit)"

I have little understanding of 'common' etiquette because I have always lived in unusual subcultures. So if you think I am being rude to you, it is extremely likely that it is an accident. UNLESS you're a privileged person talking about oppression - then I am most likely being rude on purpose.

People seem to think that my recent development of rudeness toward defaults is a product of emotion or perhaps burnout. It isn't. I'm very skilled at remaining calm in conflict, and very skilled at phrasing things delicately when I feel the need. And I'm good at disengaging from unproductive conversations without emotional difficulty. It is much easier to just not engage at all with defaults. It's emotionally easier to obey their rules of conduct and thus deny them their favorite argument, "if you had been nice I might have let your thoughts matter."

My choice to be rude is deliberate. I know that a person truly wanting to be kind and decent will learn no matter the tone, so I say things partly for the silent observers.

But mostly, I do this because defaults (white cis etc men) never get called on their bullshit. They think they're right and they think people like them because no one ever tells them otherwise. I can do this safely because of my relative privilege, and so I will. If more people demanded evidence for their baseless claims and mocked them for their lack of skills at empathy and critical analysis, they might eventually start realizing that something is wrong with them. I can promise you that arguing politely is never going to change their mind. Scorn, dislike, and dismissal might, since it's a new experience. So, when I tell a white man that their opinions on things they haven't experienced are useless, ridiculous, and unwanted, I feel quite strongly that I am making the world a better place.

I know a few decent defaults, maybe 6 total. I know it is possible for me to be rude and for them to know that I value them and consider them worthy people. All it takes to be decent is to accept other people's experiences as reality, understand that you cannot understand oppression you don't experience without being taught, humbly seek to learn without being defensive, and apply what you learn.

(Pripoi means privilege-poisoned.)

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Comments
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
High-five! I feel just the same <3
lilywolfsolomon ══╣╠══
I haven't thought about it much but I think my approach is to find their weak spots, something so outside their usual way of thinking that they just don't know how to respond to it, and when they try I just smile smugly, because they are obviously just making themselves look bad. That is, when I do have it in me to engage and when I feel something could come out of it, either for them or others participating. Sometimes a playful approach takes weight off of what they say.
belenen ══╣confused╠══
Hm, I don't feel like I understand what you mean. Could you give an example?
basil_00 ══╣psychadelic_0╠══
Alright, alright, alright. At the start of this post, I was wondering if "defaults" was a term like "basic", and I was wondering if you were talking about me. Then I got to your parenthetical, and was sure you were talking about me haha. As far as the group "defaults" goes, that is. Not necessarily the lot of them you're condemning here, but.. maybe.

I hope i'm not an indecent default; I do try earnestly to get understand what I can, and understand that I can't understand what I can't, and not be a hose-hound about the latter.

I welcome your rudeness when you deem it necessary. Whether or not I am a dickhead default, I totally agree that you're making the world a better place by insulting these people.

this makes me think of my post about ADD being aggravated by our advertisement-ridden society. That's not how I said it; I said it like it was the source of it. But I meant I think that makes it worse. So I do agree with your reply to it. This clarification is how I should've responded back to yours. I felt like it read like I passive-aggressively bulldozed. Didn't mean ta.

You've also reminded me of an entry I've been meaning to write about my journal tag "intellectualism", but haven't gotten around to yet. I realize how pretentious that could sound. I don't mean to so boldly claim "I'm an intellectual" on each of the posts with which I tag that. But I'm usually kind of attempting that.

Really it's an alternative I picked over "thoughts" or "misc thoughts", because that tag could really be applied to every single entry, and I wanted to somehow be able to reference which ones in which I wrote about deeper or more analytically-driven observations. Basically it's the other side of the coin to my "journal journal" tag, which is meant as a filter for entries consisting of journaling for journaling's reflective sake, and not necessarily containing any particularly novel ideas or reasoning. Sometimes both make it into the same entry.
basil_00 ══╣some of it yeah╠══
nevermind one of those things
on my ADD post: I guess that was how I responded to you. So, I dunno, whatevron, kevron. I felt like a dick at the time for some reason. Maybe that I felt stupid for not wording it like that in the first place.

I guess being a dick and clumsily wording something leaves the same aftertaste for me. Words wanted back.
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
Re: nevermind one of those things
you needn't worry about mis-speaking with me -- you can take back anything and tell me what you really meant and I will accept it as true. Unless/until I feel lied to, but so far I feel like you are quite honest.
basil_00 ══╣ao river╠══
Re: nevermind one of those things
Neato. I appreciate that. You'd think that the ability to re-read and revise on this platform of communication would be enough to say what you mean, but, it doesn't always work that way.

This reminds me of a Dr. Seuss book:
"I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.
An elephant's truthful one hundred percent."
raidingparty ══╣╠══
Re: nevermind one of those things
This is a wonderful gift!
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
oh, I didn't feel like your reply was passive-aggressive, but I appreciate the clarification :)

I totally get your use of the word "intellectualism" in that way. I like to thesaurus everything so if I did the same theme I'd probably call it "cogitation" or "reflection" or "abstractions," heh. *smiles*
basil_00 ══╣hot rod╠══
Cogitation.. put that on the look-up list.

I like the thesaurus as well. I kinda get in streaks with it. Your journal title, by the way, or subtitle, has prompted me more than once to look up the word "ecphorize". So, you ecphorized by way of using "ecphorizing", if I've used it correctly. I get the gist of what it means, but I'm still unsure how you're supposed to use it as a transitive verb, if at all; my search result didn't specify very well.
wickedweasel ══╣Mario Card╠══
"I can promise you that arguing politely is never going to change their mind."

How unfortunate is it that there are "people" like this? :( *hugs*
belenen ══╣eccentric╠══
INORITE. *hugs*
basil_00 ══╣happy laugh╠══
ha-HAH! "people" in quotes. Great job!
basil_00 ══╣gordon╠══
Pripoi:
I like that. Is that yours?
It makes me think of "potpourri".
So maybe "pripoi potpourri" could be a classification of commonly reiterated, stupid shit that these people say. Just brainstorming.
keiwontia ══╣╠══
Omggg I ADORE pri-poi potpourri! It always stinks up the place!! :-p
basil_00 ══╣basil exposition 1967╠══
Haha.
keiwontia ══╣╠══
I love that you take into consideration the silent listener!!! I try so hard to speak up, especially when no one else is doing so, because, while I may not change the mind of whomever 'm directly talking to, they're hardly ever the only ones listening!! <3
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.