November 2017
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Gonna use daily template / truth-or-truth, planning w jaime, relaxing w topaz


icon: "progressing (a deeply, vividly green forest of thick vines and trees, with a tunnel running through where unused train tracks lay)"

I'm gonna attempt to write more often and to bolster this effort, I'm gonna try to write daily summaries if I don't already have something else written. I hope that this doesn't make my LJ boring or make people less likely to comment on more substantial posts - but even so, I'm gonna act out of desire rather than avoid out of fear. I'm gonna use this template: what happened, what it meant, overall emotional arc, & realizations (what I learned, realized, or remembered, if anything significant).

Early this morning Tasha came over to visit their cat Cupcake, who is staying in my basement room right now because Tasha can't keep them where they live and can't move yet. I stayed up way too late last night so after I unlocked the door for them I went back to bed. When I did get up I scurried out of the house to get groceries before truth-or-truth started (and made really good time running from one end of the store to the other). I felt bad about sleeping in but I felt really accomplished that I managed to get everything done in time.

At 3 I set up the truth-or-truth videochat and J and Aubrey and I started but neither of them had video so it was mostly like a call. Then Elizabeth came in (text only) and a little later Jaime joined in person. The experience was slightly awkward technologically but everyone was patient and so I didn't feel guilty. Whenever someone gets frustrated with technological difficulties I feel guilty for some reason I don't quite understand. But I didn't feel bad. Also everyone came up with such great questions and overall it was super nourishing and I am really happy everyone was able to come!

Afterward Jaime and I had a brief planning chat about the trans-centric gather we're having next week, and then they left. I feel really good about the fact that Jaime wanted to create this and is using my space to do it. I'd love to have all kinds of gathers at my house (as long as they weren't oppressive of course).

I made myself a smoothie for the first time in what seems like years. Topaz bought me a double-walled 30oz cup w straw and lid the other day and I think that made me feel able to make smoothies again, which is great because it's a way for me to consume more fresh fruits and veggies. I want to get chocolate whey protein and also start making smoothies with spinach or kale. In an odd way I feel like I was creatively blocked and am not any more.

Then I gathered my things and went to Topaz', where we watched netflix and made brownies. I put a SHITTON of Topaz' fresh mint in my corner of the pan and it turned out delicious! I brushed, combed, and played with Topaz' hair for a good while and then braided it.

Overall, I started the day with worry and rushing, then moved to happiness and nourishment, then rest and comfort. Soon, I'll get ready for bed and have some cuddles.

I remembered that when I was a kid I practiced expressions in the mirror, and was often read as hostile because my relaxed lip shape points down at the ends. I now get comments on how expressive my face is, but that was a thing I trained into myself as a means of communicating with others.

Also, I was thinking about autism and how it's looked at as a dysfunction, but I could see how it could be an evolutionary adaptation to an environment that is unacceptably busy and fake. Perhaps our species is evolving to be less prone to / capable of this capitalist bullshit because it's terrible for everyone. Or maybe I'm just universalizing my own feeling of increased safety around people on the autism spectrum.

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Comments
call_me_katya ══╣Cat╠══
I've been thinking heavily about last night too, about the questions, about how I could have expanded my answers, how open everyone was. I think I was nervous at the beginning through fear that others would tire of me and the interruptions/breaking the flow I was causing through my lack of voice [also I meant to think up some questions beforehand but didn't, so I was flying by the seat of my pants]. Even though I realised I was living a slightly 2D experience rather than 3D it increased my desire to take part again, maybe even to purchase a headset!

I loved everyone's voices! Also last night I wanted to ask the cat's name [I just love hearing what people have named their animals, for some reason] so I'm glad you told us here.
kehlen_crow ══╣╠══
Whenever someone gets frustrated with technological difficulties I feel guilty for some reason I don't quite understand.

If you feel that way when you initiate the chat, it could be because you feel responsible for it, because it's kind of because of you that that person is frustrated. Even though this logic is kind of flawed: it is not like you are organizing a conference, and your netbook breaks down in the middle of a presentation.
kehlen_crow ══╣╠══
Ugh. By conference I mean a larger event with invited speakers, that kind of thing, where the organizers are kind of expected to provide a somewhat flawless environment.
wanderipity ══╣╠══
I wanted to join this chat but I had work. :( I am sooo down to open my cam too.


"Also, I was thinking about autism and how it's looked at as a dysfunction, but I could see how it could be an evolutionary adaptation to an environment that is unacceptably busy and fake. Perhaps our species is evolving to be less prone to / capable of this capitalist bullshit because it's terrible for everyone. Or maybe I'm just universalizing my own feeling of increased safety around people on the autism spectrum."

This.
aubkabob ══╣╠══
I think it's natural to have frustration when someone else is having technological difficulties, as you can't see things from their vantage point and it makes it difficult to help them through it. For those with a giving nature, it's natural to feel guilty that it's difficult to assist.

I've found the Truth-or-Truth sessions to be highly refreshing and helpful in self discovery and blessed to be a part of them!

Something I had meant to add about the resting face expressions but got sidetracked (as happens to me so easily)... I have worked in customer service for decades, so have noticed that I almost have a constant pleasant expression on my face. It's times that I am not focusing on presenting the pleasant and open expression that I have people approach me and ask me what's wrong and why am I angry? Each time it's because I'm in super deep thought about something, and it's never anything negative at the time.
safranfoer ══╣╠══
Do you like coffee?? I love to brew coffee and let it sit in the fridge over night. In the morning I put coffee, vanilla almond milk & a scoop of chocolate whey protein in the blender and it's delicious!
kiwi ══╣╠══
I don't want to be THAT person who focuses just on the food aspect of this post because the rest of it is a great post, too, but I have never in my life thought of putting fresh mint on brownies and it's now ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. BRILLIANT!
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
Just maybe one day I'll have the courage to join in Truth or Truth. :)

"I was thinking about autism and how it's looked at as a dysfunction, but I could see how it could be an evolutionary adaptation to an environment that is unacceptably busy and fake. Perhaps our species is evolving to be less prone to / capable of this capitalist bullshit because it's terrible for everyone."

I think about autism being evolutionary adaptation as well... tho not in that way, but I do like where you're going with it! I probe the thoughts of my social worker friends to see how the system views autism. The feedback I get is they don't really concern themselves with "why" but rather with "how can we help them fit into society".
webgirluk ══╣╠══
"Also, I was thinking about autism and how it's looked at as a dysfunction, but I could see how it could be an evolutionary adaptation to an environment that is unacceptably busy and fake. Perhaps our species is evolving to be less prone to / capable of this capitalist bullshit because it's terrible for everyone. Or maybe I'm just universalizing my own feeling of increased safety around people on the autism spectrum."

I love these words and reasonate with them well. I too feel more comfortable with people who consider themselves to be "on the spectrum" and often seem to connect best with these people as I have similar traits myself. It's quite possible that what society decides to label as a dysfunction isn't actually one.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.