July 2017
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stress has lessened


icon: "progressing (a deeply, vividly green forest of thick vines and trees, with a tunnel running through where unused train tracks lay)"

Hosting gathers is good for me because it helps me motivate to get shit done. This week I did laundry, did dishes, took out recycling, finished setting up the cuddle room (except for the translucent fabric to soften the LEDs, that has to wait for money), tidied the entire house except for that one craft project (which I hope to get done Sunday night or Monday). I turned up the coldness in the refridgerator; hopefully that will help with the going-bad because I am sick of canned food. Kanika is being terribly picky but I have a plan to buy some mix-in treats that will hopefully solve that. My shoulder is still aching and I really can't understand why, it's been more than a week now. I may need to get an exercise ball for my office -- I think I slump too much in there because it is always cold and I subconsciously fold in (my boss has their own sitting ball so I know they won't mind).

Most of that stuff I did on Sunday before the gather, but yesterday I tidied my room which had been left undone for like two weeks which is WAY TOO LONG and I feel profound relief at having it tidy again. It is mind-boggling how much that affects me. It's not perfect but there's just one little pile of unsorted things instead of two big ones. I also brought in another lamp for more light with a daylight bulb and that seemed to make my eyes less tired and my general mood brighter. This room is actually much less sunny in the summer because all of the leaves are out. It's still bright but I don't get that same "almost as if I was outside" feeling.

The vacation with biofamily will cost me nothing except 3 days worth of pay -- which I can't afford but hopefully I can get my parents to give that to me in order to have me go with them. I want to go because my youngest sibling is going and I haven't seen them in literal years, much less spent good time with them, and they are important to me. I'm also hoping to have some good conversations with my aunt E. I have pretty much gotten over the idea that my grandmother is coming. I'm just going to bring some literature and maybe rehearse some bible verses in case of lecture.

By the way, I haven't responded yet but I appreciated all of your comments, as they made me realize that listing things is hugely helpful for me and I need a list that I keep hanging on the wall so that I can get obligations out of my head and also have the satisfaction of crossing them off. I think the stress is a lot worse when it is a big muddly mess than when it is an orderly list -- no matter how long or mostly-impossible the list.


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.