333+ intimate, intense questions & prompts to get to know friends & lovers (or yourself!)
icon: "ADD-PI (two electromicroscope photos of crystallized acetylcholine, overlaid & warped in several ways)"
I've been compiling questions for truth-or-truth as well as to re-do my own get-to-know-you survey, and I want to share. Please feel free to take these questions and ask people, or use them as writing prompts, or whatever. I think I will come back and edit whenever I come up with something good to add! Feel free to add any questions you like to ask people in order to get to know them.
The levels are based mostly on how much I think you could learn about a person by asking them, but it is biased toward questions I have particular interest in (like the one about critical analysis).
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8) What are your core values? (that is, what values do you feel upset with yourself for not living up to, AND get upset with other people when they violate the value)
8) in what cases is it okay to lie?
8) what are your self-labels? (gender, sexual, romantic, spiritual, bodily, class, occupation, etc)
8) If you could pick one thing for everyone to know and accept as true, what would it be and why?
8) in which circumstances do you push yourself to share thoughts and feelings that make you vulnerable to others, and how often do you do it?
8) what activities make it easiest for you to connect with other people in a deep and intimate way?
8) What would your ideal set of relationships look like -- family, friends, lovers, etc? how many of each and how connected are your lives?
8) what non-human creatures do you perceive as sentient? how does their sentience compare to human sentience?
8) What is the easiest way for you to accept love, and what is the most meaningful way someone can show you affection?
8) What is your philosophy about the purpose of your money?
8) in what ways do you help to create a more just world, and how do you resist injustice?
8) What have been the biggest issues for you in friendship in the past 3 years: the issues you notice in the other person and in yourself, and things that always seem to be incompatible.
8) How do you react when someone tells you you are wrong?
8) how do you handle conflict in your chosen relationships? do you avoid it if possible?
8) On which topics do you consider yourself an expert, and why?
8) Do you engage in critical analysis of your own volition, and if so how often and on what subjects?
8) what are the minimum qualities someone needs to become your friend, and what additional qualities would make them ideal?
8) in what ways do you practice self-care?
8) How do you know when you are being nourished enough? what are the signs that you are not emotionally nourished, and the signs that you are?
8) What are the relative percents of the time and energy you spend on people, by whatever categories you use? (family, lovers, friends, other)
8) what is your definition of love?
8) what are the two biggest lessons you've learned from past relationships (friends or lovers)?
8) How do you react when someone tells you that you hurt them with your actions?
8) What was your happiest year of life so far, and what made it happy?
8) If you had to choose a religion to be not only part of but also clergy in, which would it be and why?
8) When was the last time you moved outside of your comfort zone, and how did that go?
8) Compared to yourself three years ago, what are you significantly more skilled at, and how did you improve those skills so much?
8) What objects do you almost always have with you?
8) What are your "green flags" when you meet a person? what small things make you feel pretty sure you should continue to invest your time and effort?
8) What is your ideal first step when someone is trying to resolve a conflict with you?
8) What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?
8) When do you feel your life energy the strongest?
8) If you could add an extra limb or sensory organ (and no one would be put off by this), what would it be and where would you put it?
8) What do you find yourself encouraging others to try?
8) What situations or topics are the quickest to get you excited?
8) What is the worst fault a person can have?
8) If your purpose in life was just to do the three things that bring you the most joy, how would you live differently?
8) If you lived in a commune and had to contribute by teaching skills you know, physical labor, and/or mental labor, what would you do?
8) What three experiences have you had that most people in your city probably haven't?
8) Have you ever threatened an authority figure? if so, tell the story, if not, what is a situation where you most wanted to?
8) What do you most often create? (ANYTHING that would not exist without you, including writing, memes, organization or decoration, rock stacking, etc)
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7) What do you offer in a friendship? is it the same as what you seek?
7) If you do something you consider unethical, how do you handle it afterwards?
7) If you could have three magical wishes for anything non-material, what would they be?
7) How has your relationship to your sex and gender evolved as you have aged?
7) if you didn't need to earn money and you could have unlimited free training in anything/everything as long as you were willing to give the time OR have any recreational activities you wanted for free (only you), what would you want to do with your life?
7) If everyone alive would agree to change their behavior in a single way regarding ONLY you, what would you want it to be?
7) What would you look like if you were designing yourself from the cell up? like Spore, but with every possible option? ignore reproduction in this design (imagine it's possible magically if it is important to you).
7) Which of your privileges have you done the most self-educating on, and which do you feel you most need to learn more about?
7) Which of the oppressions/marginalizations you experience affects your life the most profoundly, and which do you feel most supported in?
7) if you're not childfree -- what qualities would you need in a person in order to co-parent with them?
7) What aspects of you are only apparent when someone spends time with you daily or near-daily?
7) How accurate are you at telling how much energy a given activity will take from you?
7) For you, what is the most vulnerable artistic expression or process, with regards to an audience?
7) what sort of creative things do you like to do, or would you do if you could have classes in them?
7) If you can think of a gift someone gave you that made you feel super loved, what was it and why did it have that effect? if that has never happened for you, why do you think that is?
7) how do you define happiness?
7) which goal of yours do you feel most intimidated by?
7) how would you rate your skill percent at asking for what you want?
7) how would you rate your skill percent at stating your boundaries?
7) What is the easiest way for you to show love, and what show of affection feels the most meaningful to you to give?
7) Which social media sites are a part of your daily life and how do you use them?
7) What is something you'd love to experience again?
7) What is a gift you have given someone else that they seemed to feel super loved by? (as in, they referenced it multiple times afterwards or treated it with joy and affection or expressed intense appreciation at the initial giving)
7) What human features do you find most aesthetically appealing?
7) If you could install 3 personal teleporters which only you could use, where would you put them? (you can only teleport from one platform to another)
7) If you had a floor-to-ceiling window into a fictional world, but no way of actually interacting with that world, which would you choose and why?
7) If you could transport all of your favorite people and all of their favorite people into a fictional world with you, and assign species to whomever, which one would you choose and why? would you be human or some other species?
7) If you could snap your fingers and turn this world (with all the same people) into a fictional one, and could choose a species for all humans to turn into, which would it be and why?
7) What percent self-aware are you?
7) If someone read three books to get to know you, what would they be?
7) What is the first step for you when resolving a conflict with someone?
7) What can make a social interaction easier for you? Harder for you?
7) What are three adjectives that do NOT apply to you at all?
7) What 3 things do you want to experience (not achieve) before you die?
7) If you came with a warning label, what would it say?
7) What are the most romantic words that have ever been spoken to you?
7) Have you ever had a thought like "I couldn't be happier"? if so, what was your life like at that point?
7) If you were interviewing someone for the position of your new friend but could only ask 3 questions, what would they be?
7) When you go to a social gather, how do you want people to act toward you?
7) Is there anything that you tend to make that most people usually buy rather than make themselves?
7) Who was the last person you were rude to on purpose and why?
7) What is your favorite myth?
7) What book would you like to see made into a movie?
7) If you were a My Little Pony, what would your cutie mark be and what colors would your mane and tail be?
7) If there was limit to the number of pages you could load in a day, how would your internet habits change?
7) Think of situations where you tried out, applied, or asked a question and received a no. What is the most disappointing one?
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6) What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you?
6) Have you ever done anything that you worried after/at the time was cruel, and did that change you?
6) Under what circumstances are you most tempted to violate your own moral tenets? what is your breaking point?
6) What factors do you consider when making a purchase (list in order of importance)?
6) Which of your core values do you feel most skilled at, and why?
6) Which of your core values do you feel least skilled at, and why?
6) what qualities/skills are you currently working on developing in yourself?
6) Sum up your life story in 2-5 paragraphs.
6) What are your deal-breakers for being friends?
6) do you think you are a good judge of character?
6) What are the three most important elements for a lasting friendship?
6) what makes you cry actual tears of joy? what makes you cry actual tears of sorrow?
6) if someone made a deluxe action figure based on you, what 3 props and 3 outfits would they have? also, what would the deluxe playset look like?
6) What small act of affection has the greatest impact on you?
6) how do you act when you feel disconnected from someone?
6) If you knew you wouldn't get caught, would you cheat - in a game, on a test, on a person?
6) how do you feel about eye contact?
6) What destroys trust for you?
6) Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
6) What are your limits for TMI? what do you want someone never to tell you about?
6) What do you usually spend your free time doing?
6) What are you most talented at?
6) What are you most skilled at?
6) Who do you wish lived closer to you and why?
6) Who has hurt you the most in your life, and how do you feel about them now?
6) What do you laugh at every time it happens?
6) How would you describe your personal clothing aesthetic?
6) What is your daily grooming routine?
6) What is on the walls of your bedroom?
6) what objects in your house are most important for making it feel like home?
6) What would your dream house/apartment/castle/tree house/loft/bungalow/etc. look like?
6) Which fictional character do you feel the most affinity with?
6) What does happiness/joy feel like physically?
6) What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn in normal, daily life?
6) What do you believe in that many people think is silly, if anything?
6) How would you define faith? do you have faith? in what?
6) How often do you research the products you buy and use?
6) When do you feel the most raw and vulnerable?
6) What are three things you have NOT done that might surprise people?
6) Do you ever experience premonitions, whether through dreams or in waking life? If so, share examples.
6) What would your autobiography be called?
6) Name 2 questions that you will most likely never say 'no' to:
6) Do you think music and art can be judged objectively? If so, how?
6) If a friend or partner believes in something you don't think is real, does your opinion of them change? if so, how?
6) What is one selfish thing you tend to do?
6) If you could pick anyone who would you want living next door to you?
6) What is the worst mistake you've ever made (not counting anything people coerced/forced you into)? Do you regret it?
6) If you could choose yourself and three people to have immortality, would you? if so, who? if not, why not?
6) What things are you interested in that you study or read about on your own?
6) What animated villain are you the most like and why?
6) Are you more of a giver or a taker?
6) What is your favorite thing to do outside?
6) What one thing have you done that most people haven't and wouldn't choose to do?
6) You are going to be stuck alone & without internet for a week. What do you bring to do?
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5) how are you at self-motivating? how do you make yourself do something that you don't feel like doing? is there a way that others can help you to get stuff done?
5) what decisions have you made ignoring fear because of greater desire?
5) What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
5) What would your closest friends say are your 3 best qualities?
5) If you could pick one illegal thing to make legal, what would it be and why?
5) What you think when you hear the words “be yourself”?
5) What do you believe in?
5) Who do you trust the most, and why?
5) What is your relationship to your family like?
5) who are the people with whom you choose to spend the most time, and why do they matter to you?
5) what is your dreamscape like? what helps you remember dreams? do you learn from your dreams?
5) If your life story was given a 3-sentence summary (like a movie summary), what would it be? "In a world..."
5) what do you believe about the parts of a person? are all of our aspects measurable by science? if you believe there is stuff currently unmeasurable, what do you call it?
5) do you communicate with any non-mammal beings? If so, how and why? If not, why not?
5) What superpower would you most like to have?
5) what kind of spiritual and/or magical work do you do, if any? anything from prayer to energy healing to card reading or...? do you worship, pray, do ritual, meditate, other?
5) If you have or had (a) live-in partnership(s), explain your relationship style and structure (current or most recent): how do you handle conflict, divide up responsibilities, etc, make rules/guidelines, etc.
5) If you are not aromantic, what's your preferred romantic relationship structure: monogamous, polyamorous, polyfidelitous, other? If you are aromantic, what kind of relationship is most important to you?
5) If you are not aromantic, what does romance mean to you? how are your romantic relationships different from your friendships?
5) If you could magically know a fact (that you don't already know) for 100% certain but have no further proof, what would it be?
5) What do you lack and most yearn for right now?
5) what do you most fear?
5) What would hell be like if it was designed specifically for your torment?
5) What would heaven be like if it was designed specifically for your satisfaction and ecstasy?
5) Do you wear or carry anything (clothes, bags) often enough that it becomes a symbol of you?
5) how do you listen to music, if you do? background noise, full-focus attention, mood regulation...?
5) If you take photos, why? for art? memory? sharing? or...?
5) What do you think makes someone a good leader?
5) Describe a time you went out of your way to make someone happy.
5) Describe a time you were betrayed by someone you trusted.
5) What is one of the nicest things anyone has said to you?
5) What are your most prized possessions?
5) What is your definition of emotional maturity?
5) What is your life motto?
5) What is the best concert you have been to? what made it the best?
5) Describe a date you’d love for someone to take you on.
5) If your eight-year-old self looked at you now, what would their reaction be?
5) What was the last thing you made with your own hands?
5) What was your favorite toy as a child?
5) Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television?
5) If you could have 3 wishes...but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for?
5) What is the one thing you do that your friends wish you didn't?
5) If your mind was a building, what would it be like?
5) What old movie would you go see if it were re-released in the movie theaters?
5) What is expected of you that you feel is unnatural or not right?
5) What do you waste?
5) What are 2 good reasons to get married (if any) and what are the reasons most people get married?
5) What luxury are you amazed that rich people don't often buy?
5) What would make you happy that money can buy?
5) Do you like your movies and books to be more lighthearted or serious?
5) What were your parties like when you were a kid?
5) When do you make wishes?
5) What ancient civilization would you most like to visit?
5) Are you very precise about what words you use to describe your feelings and thoughts?
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4) what is your relationship to light? do you prefer your bedroom dark or bright?
4) how do you feel about physical affection in public?
4) have you been in love? how many times?
4) Sum up your life philosophy in 8 words or less!
4) Who do you know that you would think of longingly at least monthly for the rest of your life if they died? what about for two years?
4) If you are not asexual, what qualities need to be a part of sex for it to be worthwhile for you? if you are asexual, what kind of intimacy is best for you in terms of cost/benefit?
4) What crimes would you commit if you could get away with it?
4) how did you develop your moral code?
4) If you have one, describe a memory you think on sometimes for comfort/hope.
4) what movie/book has been the most meaningful/ had the most effect on your life?
4) What's one thing you're certain of?
4) how do you feel about fat? that is, how do you feel about the fat of your body and the fat of others' bodies?
4) What activity do you do that makes you feel most like yourself?
4) what do you do to protect/restore the earth and its creatures?
4) What is your actual superpower?
4) If you are not asexual, what makes you sexually attracted to someone? if you are asexual, what kinds of non-sexual attraction to people do you experience?
4) If you are not asexual, what have your best sexual experiences had in common? if you are asexual, are you sex-repulsed or indifferent or...?
4) Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest and why?
4) besides living beings, what one object would you save from your house if all else would be burned, and why that item?
4) If you could take a one month trip anywhere, alone, and money was not a consideration, where would you go?
4) What kind of person do you most fear becoming? why are you afraid of being that?
4) What makes you feel supported?
4) what decisions have you made out of fear?
4) When you’ve had a terrible day, how do you deal with it?
4) What sort of things make you irrationally angry?
4) Do you know a story of your toddlerhood that happened before you can remember? if so tell the story.
4) If you had to teach something, what would you teach?
4) Describe your favorite place in the world.
4) What do you think of the zodiac?
4) Describe a moment you felt most satisfied in your life.
4) What movies have you watched so many times that you can quote them line for line?
4) Who is your favorite visual artist?
4) What is your favorite art style?
4) Have you ever written graffiti on anything? Can you remember what you wrote?
4) If someone was going to inscribe a message on a ring and give it to you what would you want it to say?
4) When was your first kiss and what was it like?
4) Can you read body language well?
4) What is the most expensive thing you own?
4) If your closet was full of copies of just one outfit that you had to wear everyday what would it be like?
4) What are children generally better at than adults are?
4) If you were a mythical creature which one would you be?
4) What is one question that no one can ever truthfully answer 'yes' to?
4) Is there a celebrity that you would be too starstruck to talk to if you met them?
4) Which fantasy RPG class is most appropriate for you:
warrior, soldier, paladin, berserker, mage, sorcerer, necromancer, illusionist, elementalist, druid, shaman, thief, assassin, spy, hunter, bard, priest, monk, engineer, alchemist, psychic?
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3) What's the most fun you've had in the last year?
3) do you often cuddle with friends (not just lovers) or would you if you had cuddly friends?
3) What genres of books/movies/shows most appeal to you and why?
3) What kinds of activities did you love as a child that you haven't done in a long time?
3) What kind of stories drew you most as a child and why?
3) how do colors speak to you?
3) What are some stories of your intuition leading you in a direction that worked out really well for you? if none, what are your thoughts on intuition?
3) do you have a strong affinity with any particular part of the earth (a certain type of animal, plant, water body, landscape, and/or a particular place)?
3) how do you feel about nudity (do you like being nude / being around others who are nude)?
3) What spiritual/ritual/artistic tools or skills would you like to have that you currently don't have (or don't have just-the-right-one)? why do you crave them?
3) Describe your parent(s)' parenting style in 6 adjectives.
3) What action of yours or situation in your life do you most wish had never happened?
3) Would you like to be famous? why not, or if yes, in what way?
3) What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
3) If you could memorize any book cover to cover, which one would it be?
3) If you had two hours left on earth what would you do?
3) If you could make any fictional character come to life, which would it be?
3) If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
3) what's the best compliment you've ever received?
3) As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
3) Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time and are capable of doing but have not done? Why haven’t you done it?
3) Who has been the biggest influence on you in your relationship to money?
3) What is something worth suffering for?
3) How much do you rely on note-taking versus your own memory when it comes to plans?
3) True or False & why: It's unreasonable to expect people to meet your needs if you haven't explicitly communicated what those needs are.
3) You text a friend, and they don't text back for a very long time--up to a few days. How do you feel about this?
3) What can no one stop you from doing?
3) What is your usual breakfast?
3) Have you ever thrown food or drink on someone? If so tell the story, if not why not?
3) Do you feel that you are high, medium, or low maintenance in a relationship?
3) Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living?
3) Is there anything really interesting in your family history?
3) Is there a particular word or phrase that annoys you just because of the sound?
3) Have you ever been in the room while an animal baby was born? If so what was it like?
3) What question do you get asked too frequently?
3) Have you ever taken or given a lock of hair?
3) What are your top three priorities from this list? lowest three?
Romance / Sex / Family of origin / Friends / Learning / Career / Honesty / Aesthetics (beauty in the world) / Creativity / Patriotism / Wisdom / Excitement / Benificence / Wealth / Fame / Power / Justice / Peace / Understanding / Spirituality/religion / Health / Happiness / Child-rearing
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2) If you could dress however you like with zero societal reaction, how would you dress?
2) What is the one thing about yourself you like best?
2) What is your greatest accomplishment so far?
2) What is one thing you regret doing?
2) What is your favorite memory from before the school age?
2) What are your favorite types of shoes? Why?
2) What’s the way to win your heart?
2) do you have a deity(-ies)? do you identify with a particular religion or philosophy?
2) What physical objects do you own that have deep sentiment attached to them? Can you tell us some stories about them, and/or how you feel about them and why?
2) If you could own any piece of land, what would it look like? where would it be? (imagine you could make it appear somewhere)
2) If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
2) what dreams have you given up as impractical, if any? how does that affect you?
2) What did your parents teach you by negative example? (first thing that occurs to you)
2) What did you learn as a child by positive example? (first thing that occurs to you)
2) If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had “no regrets” what would it be?
2) What makes you feel safe?
2) What would you like to invent a solution to?
2) do you feel most connected to the world through vision, hearing, touch, taste, or smell?
2) What makes you feel powerful?
2) What’s your unanswerable question--the question you seem to always be asking yourself?
2) What are you grateful for and why?
2) What's the most significant spontaneous choice you've ever made?
2) What's the bravest thing you've ever done?
2) What is a stress you wish you never felt again?
2) If you won 100,000,000 dollars, what would you buy first? second?
2) What was the best trip you ever went on?
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1) What's the worst advice you've ever taken?
1) How do you feel about police, personally and as a social organization?
1) What are your thoughts on abortion, for yourself and in legal policy?
1) How should drug laws work?
1) What are your thoughts on ghosts?
1) What are your thoughts on aliens?
1) What genuinely innocuous thing infuriates you, if any?
1) What’s the coolest thing about science?
1) What kind of games do you like and why?
1) What’s the toughest decision you ever made?
1) What’s the best money you ever spent?
1) Whom do you admire and why?
1) Do you prefer cold or hot weather and why?
1) What makes you nostalgic?
1) What’s the best thing that ever happened to you?
1) What’s an image you’ll never forget?
1) where do you plan to spend most of your life? do you like to travel?
1) What do you want your life to be in 5 years?
1) Whom are you envious of and why?
1) If you could get rid of one of your responsibilities today, what would it be?
1) What type of person angers you the most?
1) How do you like to zone out?
1) What's the best sound in the world?
1) What is your favorite cuddle?
1) What is your favorite book/film genre(s):
1) What is your favorite author(s):
1) What is your favorite book(s):
1) What is your favorite color(s) (be specific -- not just green, mint or lime or emerald):
1) What is your favorite musical genre(s):
1) What is your favorite musical artist(s):
1) What is your favorite movie(s):
1) What is your favorite show(s):
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(only relevant for truth-or-truth)
0) Name two qualities or values you share with each person in the room.
0) What phrase would each of the other people have on their grave stone?
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Most of these I made up (the top two levels are all me). 10 of them I took or edited from the "36 questions" which frankly are mostly mediocre. How are you supposed to answer what role love and affection have in your life? that is way too vague to make a meaningful answer. I dunno if I complained about this before but that article -- and the fact that a billion people I know shared it -- is something I find irritating, because I've been saying the same thing, written way better and more in-depth and effective, for years. But people don't care because I don't have a doctorate and I'm not a default. Also got a few level 1 or 2s from hellogiggles & maybe 10 from the weirdly nested saviodsilva site, and two or three from Relationship Dialog Questions (that one has good questions but they're aimed at relationships not people). I got about 25 of the lower-level questions from collegeessayguy. Some questions were edits from this tumblr 365 day challenge. And then there are some from questions that have been asked of me or around me by volamonster, darkestgarden, hardigrin and call_me_katya. And I skimmed through the 5,000 questions survey 5000questionsur (which has a lot of repeats, btw) and took some and edited some.