December 2017
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questions: eavesdropping on ppl talking about me / gift I've wanted but not gotten


icon: "hypnotiq (my fractal "Windwheel" -- an abstract swirl of yellow red and orange with a little green)"

If you could listen to an hour's audio footage of people talking about you behind your back. Would you listen to it or not listen to it? Why or why not? (from here)

My instinctive response is yes. If they were strangers I would want to find out what people's first impressions of me were like, and if they were people who knew me well, I would want to know their unedited opinion of me. I would be afraid that I would find out something unflattering about myself but I would want to know if that was the case so i could change it. BUT if they were someone who valued privacy and I knew that about them, I would not listen without their permission.

What is a gift you've always wished to receive but haven't yet? This can be as literal or figurative as fits.

Nearly everything I wanted since childhood I have either gotten or stopped wanting, with the possible exception of a live-in polyamorous household. I remember as a kid being confused that other kids only had one crush while I usually had 3 (the romance myth was one element of the kyriarchy that didn't get reinforced in my life). I daydreamed about having a giant house where the top two floors were mine and then everyone I loved lived on the other floors (lovers and friends and family). Yes even as a little kid I wanted my own damn space. So yeah, I would consider such a household a gift which I have wanted but not received.

And if I take it more literally, I always wanted a non-synthetic opal ring with lots of fire (white or red transparent, overall not much blue) or a glass pendant with opal pieces floating in oil inside it. My ex-spouse promised me a mexican fire opal ring as a symbol of our relationship, but never followed through.

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Comments
mac_arthur_park ══╣home╠══
When I was younger, I stumbled upon the "Walden Commune"-era Doonesbury strips. That's been the gold standard for me ever since.

While I appreciate the spousebeast and me having our own space (which was critical in the early stages of our move from a seven year LDR to cohabitation), I miss the days when I'd come down here and spend a month or more with Mark and the bois. There's an energy to communal living that I crave.
belenen ══╣interconnectedness╠══
I know what you mean about that energy. I like getting little tastes of it by having people come and stay for a week at a time *smiles*
webgirluk ══╣pic#124969441╠══
I have almost asked the first question myself online and it's something I too have thought about. I'm not sure if I'd choose to listen to it as if I heard something said about me that was totally unfair to my view then I'd want to put it right, which could be stressful. However, I don't have much of a problem with hearing negative things about me that are accurate and fair. Also, I think in choosing to hear it would have a negative impact on some of my relationships.

I share a similar fantasy you describe about a house share with a close group of people, where you have your own areas and space when you need it. I value alone time. A lot. However, crave meaningful connection as well.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I like that you don't have much problem with being told negative things about you if the person is accurate and fair. I feel similarly -- it scares me to hear them, but ultimately I want to know!
soundofsunlight ══╣reeds╠══
I wish I lived closer to the people I love, and could spend lots of time together in person. Having a house together where everyone had their own space would be wonderful, but I'd settle for just being close enough to visit often.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Oh, I feel you. My friend Hannah, who is one of the most important people in my life, lives in Europe *sadface* I hope that you gain nearer connections or that the situation changes so that visits are easier!
soundofsunlight ══╣reeds╠══
Oh, that is very far! Thank you for the good wishes, I hope so too, and the same to you.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.