November 2017
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moment by the river / not used to unintentional friendship


icon: "Hapi (an image of the Egyptian intersex deity Hapi (blue watery skin, round belly, full breasts, beard, and kilt), overlaid onto a macro photo I took of trees and sky reflecting distortedly in water on a leaf)"

I'm sitting by the Chattahoochee listening to the thickly rushing water and swinging slightly on a green metal bench swing. The air feels a little wet, cool, and charged, probably from the rain last night. Geese are flying near and honking, and I can hear when trucks downshift on the highway. It's just cool enough that I need my jacket here in the shade, but not enough that my hands are cold. The sun is falling on me brightly through bare branches speckled with new leaves. There are people around but they are all far enough away that while I can feel them, they are not intruding on my sense of freedom.

I just had a great conversation with a new friend, about nature, racism, places, gentrification, religion, activism, careers, burns, privilege, organizing, and other stuff. We packed a lot into 2 hours. I felt awkward but not direly so, having taken my meds already today. I think I mostly felt awkward because I usually have a set of intentions with any connection, and that's how I make decisions about things. I think most people just either treat everyone in roles (friend, lover, family, etc) or they don't set intentions. For at least a decade I haven't really had any accidental relationships, because I don't have the opportunity for those. The people I spend time with unintentionally are not people with whom I click. So I'm very out of my comfort zone just building connection without a plan, and I think about connection so continuously that I notice when something as small as a smile forms a link. I feel a strong impulse to message them and ask what they want from a connection with me, but I don't think they have this same habit (I mean, it is a damn rare person who does) and so it wouldn't likely be helpful.

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Comments
ragnarok_08 ══╣AoT ★ we stand united╠══
Sitting by rushing water and the sun falling sounds nice to me :)
belenen ══╣plant magic╠══
it was wonderful <3
call_me_katya ══╣Exploring╠══
I have some half-formed thoughts about this. I actually believe that a lot of people [I hesitate to say most people as I really have no idea] do feel that they have intentions when it comes to new friendships, but they don't actually set them as intentions as that relies on the cooperation of the other person which you have to ask for to get, and people are shy about asking as people see asking/opening themselves up as embarrassing. So friendships and relationships start as a series of hopeful accidents until someone actually does mention an intention. It just doesn't come up as early in conversation as it does with you. Neither is better or worse, it just is.

As for you noticing smiles forming links/being significant... I also feel this, and know several people who are connection focused in thoughts.
kehlen_crow ══╣secret garden╠══
friendships and relationships start as a series of hopeful accidents until someone actually does mention an intention.
Very well said.
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
*nodnod* all this makes a lot of sense to me.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.