December 2017
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31


to connect, I must be vulnerable: to be vulnerable, I must allow my imperfections to be witnessed


icon: "self-love (me sitting against the trunk of a Magnolia, leaning my head back, head turned to the side with my violet hair falling across my face, arms wrapped around my belly in a soft hug.)"

I'm crying right now because I just read a TED talk that felt like a portrait of my soul. (thank you thank you b00kl0ver for sharing it) Particularly this:

"...these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.

The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary." (emphasis mine)

If there is ever an aspect of me that you want to emulate, I hope it is my willingness to be imperfect and witnessed in that imperfection, even in my worst aspects. If I ever seem to be hiding my imperfections, I beg you call me on it. I must not lose my willingness to be witnessed as a complete mess, or I will lose my soul.


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Comments
volamonster ══╣mushroom's dragon╠══
This is lovely. Would you be comfortable with talking more about this? What does it mean for you to connect in this way? Why is vulnerability necessary? (I ask not in doubt, but in interest and curiosity.)
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
Yes, I'm comfortable talking about it. The first question is too abstract for me to answer. Vulnerability is necessary because people can only love what they know; one has to share all aspects of oneself in order to be fully loved. Vulnerability is necessary because if one is hiding the parts of oneself that make one feel like one is unworthy, one will never be proven wrong and never be able to trust in the love of others.
volamonster ══╣descent of man╠══
Sorry for the vagueness of the first part of my question. You inadvertently answered what I was trying to ask in your other answers. Thank you so much!
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
That is, without a doubt, my all time favourite TED Talk. It's had such a profound effect on me. Since watching it, I've found myself making more effort to be more vulnerable and have found people have been enjoying my increased vulnerability and the resultant intimacy. Vulnerability, it turns out, is amazingly freeing.
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
It really is. It is the cure for shame and feeling unworthy.
kiwi ══╣╠══
There's something to be said for being "perfectly imperfect". :)

That's a great TED talk. Thanks for sharing it.
belenen ══╣artless╠══
you're most welcome!
darkestgarden ══╣╠══
I listened to that Ted Talk a few years back and read a couple of her books because of it (which reminds me, I need to reserve the newest one at the library). Highly highly recommend them. Reading them shifted my perspective in a crucial way. Vulnerability was something I fiercely avoided for many different reasons and it interfered (completely blocked, actually) my ability to feel loved. The books provoked a lot of healing for me.
belenen ══╣artless╠══
oh! somehow I missed that there were books! I shall look them up, thanks!
z0eann ══╣╠══
Response
"...the courage to be imperfect." I love that so much. Thank you for sharing.
belenen ══╣artless╠══
Re: Response
you're most welcome
wildrose ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣interconnectedness╠══
*love*
colesdragon ══╣Spring╠══
What a beautiful TED talk. I definitely numb my vulnerability and I need to not.
belenen ══╣artless╠══
I know what you mean!
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.