October 2017
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LJI topic 0, intro: my function is explaining, my motivation is compassion, my hope is understanding


icon: "hopeful (close-up photo of me wearing cat-eye makeup, jewels on my cheek, and a violet glitter goatee. I'm gazing off to the side with a hopeful smile.)"

I do a lot of explaining myself as a queer, demisexual, agender, trans, relationship anarchist, vegetarian, eclectic pagan Quaker with ADD-PI (attention deficit disorder - primarily inattentive) and CAPD (central auditory processing disorder). My communication methods can be alarmingly rude on accident (illustrated by my lack of understanding of why others appreciate empty words like "hi") but my goal is almost always to create the best understanding for the most people. If I have one main function, it is to explain: explain people to each other, explain systems to people, explain myself to those I care about, explain how things work to my own self, explain to others how to practice skills I've learned.

My primary motivation is compassion, and for me that is very complex. In a simple, wholesome world compassion is just being kind to the people around you. In a world of structural injustice, compassion takes much more work. It takes learning about systems and about anyone who is different from you, because otherwise you will hurt people no matter how wonderful your intentions are. So I spend a lot of time trying to learn about people who are different from me and trying to help others also learn, so that I can reduce the amount of suffering I cause and hopefully ripple out to reduce suffering in general.

I want to connect with living beings in a mutually nourishing way. I've learned that if a person wants to reduce suffering enough to do work for it, we will probably nourish each other and be great friends. My hope in life and in writing is to create more understanding that will allow for more nourishing connections.

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Comments
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banana_galaxy ══╣╠══
I can relate to a lot of this. I like what you said about compassion. I try to learn about others who are different from me so I can be more understanding, too.
belenen ══╣veneration╠══
that is wonderful *hearts* I so appreciate people who self-educate for this reason.
baxaphobia ══╣╠══
It's great to see you back here. Compassion and understanding...Yes!
belenen ══╣effervescent╠══
same to you! looking forward to more of your entries!
dreamsofspike ══╣╠══
Quite intrigued... looking forward to reading more from you :)
belenen ══╣effervescent╠══
thank you!
ragnarok_08 ══╣YGO ★ a few more tomorrows╠══
What you said about compassion rings so true to me, and you're right, compassion does take more work.

belenen ══╣artless╠══
it really does *hearts*
lilmissmagic71 ══╣╠══
Your words on compassion move me. :) Thanks. I look forward to following you this season! :)
belenen ══╣effervescent╠══
I'm glad! *grins*
redbird ══╣╠══
It seems to me that even in the better world without structural injustice, compassion would take work, because people are different in many ways. It took one of my partners a while to mutually figure out with another partner how to treat each other when sick: my partner wants a certain amount of comfort and attention, and their partner wants to be left alone. I'm also on the "would you like some soup?" side of that divide; what would read as kindness if they did it for me would make their other partner feel intruded upon.

Yes, structural injustice makes this (and many other things) worse, but I suspect that there's also a level on which people expect greater similarity from people who are more "like them" in terms of background or generally-considered-salient identities like nationality, race, and gender. It would be tempting for some people to try to file the described difference under "men are one way, women are the other," but the person who wants to be alone when sick and I are both women.
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
oh, certainly! I think in a better world though, that habit of checking in and not making blanket assumptions would be standard, and there also wouldn't be the same micro-aggression affect. Because at least for me, when someone makes a mistake about what I would like on a personal level, I correct them and it's not really hurtful; but after the 100th person has assumed that I want to be called 'ma'am' because I have boobs, I'm raw about that and it hurts every time.

So it would take work, but not on a structural level, and it wouldn't FEEL like work because it would just be a normal part of life.
redbird ══╣╠══
kehleyr ══╣╠══
I want to connect with living beings in a mutually nourishing way. I've learned that if a person wants to reduce suffering enough to do work for it, we will probably nourish each other and be great friends. My hope in life and in writing is to create more understanding that will allow for more nourishing connections.
Beautifully said and written ♥
belenen ══╣artless╠══
thank you!
webgirluk ══╣pic#124969441╠══
I agree it's one thing to value/try to be compassionate with others and another to be more active over getting it right in every sense of things or doing more work over it. Still, I find it hard to find mutual friendships with people who are actually compassionate, never mind doing enough actively to change the world for the better.
belenen ══╣overwhelmed╠══
sad but true *sighs*
illusionismine ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣overwhelmed╠══
It's really difficult being someone who's compassionate in this cold-hearted world.

It really is. It boggles my mind sometimes how people can rationalize away the suffering of others.
my_name_is_jenn ══╣╠══
I, too, love what you said about compassion. It should be easy, but in today's world, it sure does take a lot of work.
belenen ══╣writing╠══
thank you, glad you liked it!
eternal_ot ══╣╠══
What a lovely thought! Hope you succeed in your endeavour. Cheers!
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thanks!
rayaso ══╣╠══
Compassion is great as a motivator. You sound fascinating, and I look forward to your entries.
belenen ══╣writing╠══
thanks!
jake67jake ══╣╠══
Love your message.

Good luck!
belenen ══╣writing╠══
thanks!
xlovebecomesher ══╣╠══
I suspect that I am also ADD but I have never been diagnosed.

Nice to meet you!
belenen ══╣ADD-PI╠══
it can be really hard to get a diagnosis (I speak from experience!) but sometimes self-diagnosing can help you find important resources. Let me know if you want me to pass on recommended books or other things I use for my ADD.
penpusher ══╣╠══
Communication is everything. And I wish that people didn't feel the need to run away from people that are different from themselves, or what they perceive as different. Because the interaction is from where we have understanding. And through understanding, we get caring and friendship.

Good to have you back.
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
It's true, stopping avoidance is the important first step!

thank you *hearts!*
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.