July 2017
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skin color / faith / Apostle Kulaba
The weirdest thing about being a white person seeing only black people every day is: when I look in the mirror it freaks me out a little. On first glance my mind says "Wow she's colorless and bland." (But I've always thought that dark skin (not tanned) was more beautiful than pale skin.) It started making me a little self-conscious, in fact... but I'm over it now.


Wilson Kulaba, a pastor from Uganda, spoke at Liberty the past two weeks... we are such a boring crowd for him. He's used to people that holler amen and hallelujah after his every phrase -- I have so much fun when he preaches 'cause I can actually respond when I like something. Last week there was a lady sitting behind me who got into it too -- which made it easier for me to be myself. I love somewhat-boisterous people!

Anyway, when Apostle Kulaba preached, it really awakened something in me. The first week he was talking about following the dreams God lays in your heart, which really built me up (since I had been feeling a nudging by God to accept my dreams as my future, not just 'something that might happen'). I can't explain exactly why or how -- it was like my faith had been growing subconsciously and finally hit a conscious level. Part of it was simply his example -- I need to see someone who has stronger faith than me, and I need to hear (from another human) that God IS all-powerful. So many American churches make God out to be a wimp. "Oh, yeah, follow your calling -- but get a degree first in case it doesn't work out, and get a good job to fall back on." That's not 'wisdom' -- if God has said it will happen and you're saying "but what if," that is simply doubt. And I'm sick of this American mindset that if it's not easy, it's bad. And the "American christianity" mindset that if it's not easy, it's not GOD. Excuse me? Where is that in the Bible, I'd like to know! Apostle Kulaba is an example of a man who believed God, went through troubles, and finally ended up exactly where God said he would be. It was just sooooooooo encouraging to me.

And for the record, I do want to go to college, but not so I can have a career. I'd be perfectly happy making just enough to get by for the rest of my life. Any difficulties I have will develop me further and will develop my relationship with God further, and that is the important thing.


My biofather called the other day and told me that over the past few years he has realized that I have more faith than he does. Quite an admission from a man who, on being asked his opinion of me, said simply, "You're irresponsible, selfish, and inconsiderate." But he's changed a lot lately.
feelings: determined
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.