December 2017
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31


Oh wow.....


Well, P and M, my parents, came down for the day to have a long talk with myself and Nimajn and Nimajn's parents...... about all kindsa stuff. They were quite polite and gracious, which is rather a new experience for me. I suppose they have learned that I am their daughter but not their property. It has helped them greatly that I moved out. Anyway, we talked about whether we were ready and why, what our plan was financially and such, and after long last moved on to the date and guest list.
My dad actually not only gave us his blessing but also his vote of confidence that we could make this work. I was very shocked and pleased.

Yet my heart is rather untouched. After God and Nimajn, I most desire the approval of Spencer and Paula, because they are my spiritual parents. (don't tell my bio-parents that, because they don't understand and that would probably hurt them deeply) But I know I can trust Spencer and Paula, like I have never been able to trust any adults ever. And I'm not sure if they will approve, in fact I worry so much that they won't. I'm afraid, also, that if they don't approve, I'll wanna call off the wedding, even if it means another two and a half years as a virgin. (pout) Why is their approval so important? I adore them, and I don't say that lightly. I want them to love me and respect me and want me near them. And I want them to love Nimajn and bond with him too. I really wish it were possible for them to adopt me, which sounds so stupid coming from a nearly 21-yr-old, but I've never had anything so close to a family. I was always so distant from my biological family, although technically we were a perfect family; no physical violence, substance abuse, or broken marriages... But I knew that if I didn't perform perfectly, I would be castigated, and if I was perfect, no mention was made.

Anyway, I pray that Spencer and Paula will be happy.... not disappointed in me or angry or disgusted or worried or concerned or offended. (their advice was not the same as our decision)

feelings: worried
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.