November 2017
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wonderful day / Ty, my 40dayFast partner / spiritual connections / before conception


Sunday was wonderful! Yes, I had a very good day! Yay!

I woke up late, was cuddled by Ben, made myself a perfect smoothie (I am the Smoothie Queen, yo), went to the library and spent 15 minutes on the internet (and got an email from Kaylene!), went to church early for intercession, then went to the service where Pastor John's little blonde wife spoke (she's cute and funny), picked up some ice on the way home ('cause I forgot to refill the ice trays AGAIN), made a giant frappuchino to share with Ben (I'm also the Frappachino Queen -- the ones I make are a cross between a frosty and a starbucks frapp), made a blended, tobasco'ed veggie-brunswick-stew for heating up at hungry times (and it was so yummy! It looked gross, so I didn't have my hopes up, but it was delicious), and took a long shower with Ben... but that was it, 'cause we have to wait a week for the birth control to kick in since we got it late.

Oh yeah, and at church I met my prayer partner for the fast, Ty, who seems very awesome. At first I didn't think she was attractive, but after we started talking I noticed her eyes and her lips -- she's beautiful, but she was wearing lipstick that made her mouth blend with her face, so I didn't notice at first. She has this intensity about her that intrigued me, but I'm afraid I came across as bland, distracted person.... I was spiritually exhausted from this week, and just didn't react to her like I would have if I was being my normal self. I have a feeling that that quality was quite apparent to people -- Opal, a lady who I've spoken with once, sat down with me and asked me what was going on. (she's very spiritually sensitive anyway, I've begun to really admire her) I told her my faith struggles and how it was difficult since I didn't really know anyone who had gotten past this, and she invited me to her group. I forget exactly what she said, but she definitely got the impression to me that she had been in my situation and has learned the secret. I'll be going to her group when I can. Anyway, back to Ty. We talked just a little -- she asked me if I had any specific prayer request, and when I told her, she said that her faith had been struggling too. We prayed briefly together (I got a strong feeling of spiritual kinship -- I didn't realize that you can learn so much about a person from praying with them. I suppose it shows up best with strangers) and decided that since she was going to be out of town for the week and I'm uncontactable, we'll both just pray at 8:00 every night, so we'll be sort of praying together. She looked me in the eyes and told me to call her anytime (she gave me her cell #); I said okay; she said, "I mean it, call me anytime." When I left, I looked back; she was looking at me, and waved and said bye; I was surprised that she seemed so interested. If I had met a stranger, there's not much chance I'd watch her walk out the door when a friend of mine was standing near waiting to talk to me. But she seemed intrigued.

I have a strong feeling that I recognize her... yet she's not someone I'd have ever deliberately befriended. If I had met her earlier in my life, I'd have probably disliked her just because her confidence made me aware of my own insecurity. But my own confidence and assertive personality is much stronger than it used to be, and rather than being afraid of strong people, I now enjoy their company. That was a delightful realization.

The way our spirits connected when we looked each other in the eyes was something I've only rarely experienced, and never with a girl. When I lived in Gainesville, I met a guy named Michael who worked at the Penny University, a coffeeshop down the street from my job. I'd often go to the shop and talk with him for long periods of time, and every single minute of it we'd stare into each other's eyes. And I mean STARE! like you can't do with your best friend because you'd both get uncomfortable and have to look away. And while our gaze was connected, it felt like we were on another plane, separated from the world. We didn't have the deepest conversations I've ever had, but we just had a spirit intimacy that astounded and drew me -- and him too. That was the best part -- I knew how he felt about me, and it was exactly the same way I felt about him. He was seven years older than me, and was some kind of medical or science major, and we just had so little in common, yet we had that connection. It was fascinating. But I never knew his last name or got his damn email address, so I couldn't marry him off to Allison like I wanted to. ;-) (besides, I wasn't sure she'd like him) Other than 'the coffeeshop Michael' and my spirit-brother Gabe to a lesser extent, this girl is the only one I've met who connected with me like that -- and her connection seems lesser, but that may be because my spirit was half-asleep at the time.

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I believe that before we were born, we were spirits in heaven, and formed friendships there. I also believe that we, along with God, decided on the major events that were going to happen in our lives, and we all chose to come here to learn from those events. (this would explain deja-vu; we knew before we knew) At birth we forget all those things, but sometimes our spirit-friendship is strong enough to allow us to recognize the spirit inside a person. Our spirits, unfortunately, are often so numbed by what we use to hide the unhealed wounds in our lives that we don't recognize the path we are to take or the people we are to love. There quite a few verses (jer 1:5, for instance) that support the idea that we were with God before we were born; still, this is my own personal take on things, not necessarily pure truth.

feelings: pleased
connecting: , , , , ,

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Comments
darkpool ══╣╠══
I like your idea. It's beautiful.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.