July 2017
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trusting Kaylene and others
describe me to a stranger if you haven't yet!


I decided about a year ago to invest trust in people without testing them for a long while first. Out of that decision came my relationship with Kaylene, which some may say wasn't worth it, since she disappeared from my life not long after we began our friendship. But it was the bravest thing I've done, and I learned so much about myself from it. I was a bit hurt when she decided that being that close was too scary and she backed off, but I actually didn't get offended -- 'cause I remember what it's like to not be able to trust. I healed very quickly, and now I simply look forward to when we are close again. I believe it will happen before I have kids, and they'll grow up calling her "Aunt Kaylene." ;-) She's such a brave, intense, loving spirit, and being sisters for three months was worth all the missing her afterwards. Though it was short, it was the most intimate friendship I've ever had. There was nothing hidden between us.

I must also mention my jedibubbles and Kristy -- but they live in FL and I rarely get to have contact with them. Del and I have committed to a lifelong friendship, and hopefully she can grow to trust me as much as I trust her -- but that will be a long road, because she's trusted too many people who proved themselves to be untrustworthy. Kristy and I have been in contact less than 30 times, but we have a bond that is so powerful that anytime we get together we can spill our souls fearlessly, without any awkwardness -- BOTH of us (usually it's just me that's so open)! We only recently hit the same level of maturity (she's a lot younger so she had some catching up to do) so our friendship is just starting to take off.

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Trust, and the honesty that comes out of it, is hard to find. I no longer have a hard time trusting, but unfortunately most people do... and that hurts. I know that I'd give nearly anything to help those I've chosen to love, but they have a hard time believing that I love them unconditionally, forever, for the sole reason that their spirits are beautiful to me. I suppose that makes sense -- not many people have learned the wild rollercoaster passion of giving your heart completely. I'm grateful to have learned it.
feelings: open
sounds: the Cranberries: "Analyse"
connecting: , , ,


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.