November 2017
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confusion (biofamily)


go to sleep, self!
I don't know why I'm doing this. I feel like I've left something undone but I'm not sure what.

It's probably the bio-family thing. They want me to go up on the 24th and stay 5 days... and Ben said he can handle being separated, but I don't think I can handle them alone. But I feel like maybe I should... and I'm putting off saying yes or no in hopes that it'll just be too late. What? me avoiding confrontation? What's goin'on 'ere? Well, I'm fighting guilt, that's what. At least I emailed my dad.

RRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrr I hate doubting myself. But the idea of being without Ben and with them for five days is just so depressing. Plus it'll be like 40 below zero, and I can't stand cold.

Gak. okay, I'm going to obey myself and go to bed.

P.S. GUYS on my friends list, please go respond to that poll. So far only girls have given opinions.

feelings: conflicted

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Comments
theanonymousx ══╣╠══
cold eh?
40 Below sounds like fun. You can, like, walk around with a cup of water and throw it at people only to have it freeze halfway and knock them the 'ell out as an ice cube.
...

At any rate, that poll, I get an "access forbidden" error. I guess I'm not special enough :(
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Re: cold eh?
It's friends-only, so ya gotta be logged in to see it.
genesiskenshin ══╣╠══
Take Ben with you. That way you don't have to be separated and he can help keep you warm :)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
unfortunately he has to work.
pi3cesofm3eh ══╣╠══
5 days- im dreading 2!! lol I feel for you. Is this some sort of family gathering? Reunion? I wouldn't be able to take on all the 'extended' family. I'm getting drained just wondering how this is going to turn out- just with my dad! But you know, im starting to think that maybe this is something that i just need to get through. The Father takes us to uncomfy places sometimes to allow us to grow. I know I need growth. Maybe He is trying to get you to overcome something, and learn through this experience.
genesiskenshin ══╣╠══
That bites. I am sorry.
misemifein2 ══╣╠══
Can''t help with the family thing, just something you'll have to work through your mind I guess. If you go then it's only 5 days and afterwards you'll not need to feel guilty maybe, and if you do feel bad then you can decide better what to do next time.

Help with the cold though. I hate cold too so what I do is buy really bright coloured happy scarves and hats and then I don't mind it being cold so much because I get to wear them. Don't know if you like wearing hats though, some people don't.
anteriority ══╣╠══
hi. i don't know you at all, i saw your poetry application on the poetryslamming community and, in my boredom and curiosity, looked at your lj bio and then clicked the link for your pictures and i just wanted to say that you are really, really gorgeous. i feel kind of silly for the random comment, but it's always nice to have someone say you are pretty, i think. and i'm not some pervy old man, so that probably helps too. i especially like this picture. it's really striking. anyway, that's all.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Yes, sincere compliments are always lovely. Thank you very much!
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.