July 2017
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Yay! Yay! excitement over Kaylene


Yay! Yay! I have a new friend! A real one; honest, deep and open. It’s just so cool. From now on, I am going to try harder to be myself when others tell me that’s dumb. This was really encouraging because I got rewarded for being as honest with an acquaintance as I am with Rebecca. Anyway, what I did that was such a social no-no was- tell her that I wanted to be real friends with her, be deep and honest and open. The words were scarcely out of my mouth when she said she was so glad I had said that because she wanted to say the same thing but knew she wouldn’t have had the guts.
      It’s so awesome ‘cause we are so alike! Even though our lives haven’t been the same, we have gone through almost exactly the same issues, and we complete each others thoughts without being off the mark!

      Anyway, I called her last week and said that I wanted to hang out with her sometime, and she said she wanted to also, and we planned on Monday. But the boss in her new job called her in to work, so she cancelled, and we rescheduled for Thursday… then earlier on Wednesday her b/f called and said he wanted to spend time w/ her on Thursday, so she called me and we ended up going out last night. Anyway, I picked her up at about 9:15, and when she was getting in the car she asked if she could bring her CDs, I said of course, aso she got them, and we took turns playing our fav. Songs for each other…. She’s a Sunny Day Real Estate fan! No joke! She used to own the CD I have! And I loved all of the other music she played. I think she liked most of mine, it’s hard to tell. Anyway, we drove to the Barnes and Noble Starbucks & got coffee, then drove over to the dollar theatre and sat on one of the brick boxes outside and talked. (mainly she talked)
      We talked for a good while, and after our coffees were finished we went to Ben’s house for a little while amd I introduced her to the part of the family that was awake. At one point Ben and Rebecca were showing me a music video and I got up to leave ‘cause I had to pee, and when they protested she tried to smooth it over, ‘cause she didn’t want them to be upset with me. I think being around them will be such a good influence for her, ‘cause she’s never really had a relationship where she didn’t have to walk on eggshells.
      As I was driving her home, I was getting more than a little worried, ‘cause I wanted to be blunt, but I was afraid I’d scare her. I prayed for help, and a question popped in my head, so I asked her what her biggest struggle was right now, and she explained the distance she felt from God and her struggle with trying to be herself, because until very recently everything she’d ever done was for somebody else. Then she asked me mine, and I told her it was that I felt so disconnected from other humans, since they in overwhelming majority want to live on the surface of life and I have to live deep. Her acceptance and agreement when I said that gave me the guts to say that I very much wanted to be ‘realfriends’ with her, and she honestly felt the same way. It was so fucking awesome, so God-arranged! And we are both physical touch people, which is also cool. We are so alike! I have to find out her favorite color, but hopefully she’ll call today and I can ask. I am thinking it’s one of the passionate colors… purple, green, or black, possibly silver. Oh, and she hates gold too! Yay! Oh, and we both sucked our thumbs a long time. And our dads both derided us for being fat (when we really weren’t) and so we both have complexes about that. And she loves horseback riding!
      That was another awesome thing; when we started talking about horseback riding, she said she rode western and I said I rode English, and she was like “that’s not real riding, that’s too prissy,” and didn’t back down OR discount my arguments. The only other person I know who would speak their opinion so sturdily yet open-mindedly to a non-close friend is… ME. I was delighted with that.
      And we talked about sex and how I’m a virgin still. She was very impressed, almost proud of me, and said she wished that she was still a virgin too. I told her that if I hadn’t had church-going parents and been in love with God from a very early age, there is no way I’d have stayed a virgin, ‘cause I’m very sensual. We agreed that it prob’ly had a lot to do with being physical touch people.

      Her name is Kaylene, she's 11 months older than I, a little taller, a little thinner, with short, straight *dyed* black hair, three tattoos and an under-the-lip stud. She's so FUN! She's a bartender and a singer, too.
feelings: exhilarated
connecting:


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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.