Hello beautiful beautiful people! *hugs whole flist*

I feel like I hit rock bottom and pushed off, and now I'm finally rising towards the surface. It feels really wonderful to be looking up instead of helplessly staring at my feet as I sink further and further. It wasn't anything I did; it was the love given to me by so many people, in so many ways. Megan especially -- she kept reaching out even though I was late and little in my responses. Thank you lovey ♥ You've been such a positive force in my life!

My Christmas was less than sparkly overall ( ... ) One very sparkly point was the dream I had while sleeping my cramps away. It was my Christmas present from God/dess; the vivid, spiritually-real kind. ♥ It gave me so much hope and joy -- I'll post it after this. Now if I could only interpret it!

Two days after Christmas I had a fantastic day. I dropped Nimajneb at work so I could have the car, and went to meet a new friend (who found me on craigslist) at a coffeehouse. Amber is bouncy and outgoing -- I think we're going to get along famously. We talked for a good long while and it felt so comfortable! I've met several new people in the past few months, some of whom I got along really well with but none with whom I felt soo comfortable. I really like to be around people who have a higher energy than me -- I love all types, of course, but when I have no higher-energy people in my life I really miss it.

Later that day I wrestled Nimajneb into going to see Enchanted with me in the theatre (he thinks only action movies should be seen on the big screen *pah*) and we LOVED it! Nimajneb actually laughed out loud which he hardly ever does -- he usually laughs in this 'heh heh' kind of way, not 'ha ha ha!' I love his laugh ;-) The beginning is almost painfully ironic, mocking the syrupy-sweetness of the 'classic' disney films. There's also some subtler feminist irony which I REALLY loved, and one incredible curvy-positive moment that almost made me cry. See it!

Then as we were leaving Nimajneb spotted his old friend Thiago, whom we haven't seen in AGES! It was so incredibly meant to be -- if we had left a little earlier or a little later we would have missed him. Thiago is this absolutely amazing guy; I can't put into words what it is about him, as I don't even know him that well, but I really love him. He's one of the most respectful people I have ever met -- he has a deep respect for every person as themselves, and that just radiates from him. You know he would respect a prostitute, a politician, a pastor, or a child equally (or at least, I feel so) -- and he's one of the very few guys I've met who gives me the impression that he respects women as much as men. When we walked up to him he was with several other people, and he put out his hand as Nimajneb walked over to greet another guy (Nimajneb didn't notice his hand out) -- I laughed and said "I'll shake your hand!" and put my hand in his, and he turned to me and gave me a hug. I was just beaming -- this guy feels like a spiritual brother to me. Just before we left Thiago hugged me again, and I must have just been glowing with happiness. He was so genuine! Genuine physical affection is absolutely the most wonderful thing to me -- those two hugs meant SO much. ♥ ♥ ♥

And this amazing day wasn't over (it lasted over 25 hours :D)! After Nimajneb went to bed, I got on gtalk in the mood to chat for the first time in AGES (usually I just pop in long enough to check my email) and had the most AMAZING conversation with mourningdoveava! I friended him in August and we've had quite a few commentations, but never a real-time conversation before. We talked for over SEVEN HOURS overall, about so many things, and it felt like such a short time! We're so alike it's insane. No, really! I thought Hannah and I were alike, but I think Ava and I have even MORE in common! It blows my mind to the point where I have a hard time believing he's real. *pinches him*

I'm using my super-extremely-very-uper-duper awesome new icon right now despite it's irrelevance because I am totally in love with it. Yay self-adoration! :D I have more to say *overflows* but I will put it in other posts! I am so... fertile right now! yum, rain. :D

Ben and I went out to our favorite Mexican restaurant this weekend and as usual the food was fantastic and the service was amazing. Even though they were very busy, the waiter kept up with us very well. And my mouth is watering thinking of the food! Somehow it tasted yummier than usual. Anyway, the greatest part was when we went to pay and the owner (I know his name but I can't remember it right now) told us that it was his treat, Merry Christmas! :D :D :D I thought that was so very wonderful! I was just absolutely beaming. (we made sure to tip anyway, of course) Yay for kind & generous people using Christmas as a reason to be even more kind and generous. ♥

and speaking of giving Christmas cheer, I finally have most of my presents wrapped but none of them are shipped and some of them haven't even gotten to ME yet (I like to buy online), so they're all going to be late. It's my way of extending the holidays. *snicker*

Also! A million belated thanks to roina_arwen for the delicious mint chocolate cookies -- you're quite the baker! -- and the lovely notebook! Many many thanks to little_ph0enix for
Daughters of Isis & Initiation -- I can't wait to read them! I've entered an Egypt phase, it seems, as I started (re)reading the Ramses series last week. Thanks for the fresh additions to my knowledge bank! And thanks to sunshinepill for the gorgeous polaroid -- now I have one of your originals. *glee* Don't worry, I will keep it even when you get famous and I could make a killing off of it. :D Thanks also to bluebl00d and bornbeautiful for the cards! You're all so wonderful to me I could just explode.

I LOVE giving gifts! But I'm very particular about how I do it, and if I can't find the right gift I'd rather give nothing at all (and when I do give, my gifts are often late because I didn't find the gift in time, or couldn't afford it in time). To me, the perfect gift is something that the person would enjoy (of course), that represents an intersection of our interests -- especially something that we both like that is unusual. If we have little in common, I'll get something that represents a passion of theirs, or something that represents their personality to me. So if I don't know a person very well, or they have very particular taste, then I usually won't be able to get them anything. Sometimes I'll be brave and make a guess though.

And I love giving Christmas presents! I LOVE Christmas, not because of the ties to Christianity (though I like those too) but because it is the time of year when SO MANY people make extra effort to be kind to one another. People smile a little more and are more generous. They not only buy gifts for those they know and love, but they donate to make sure that less fortunate people will get a taste of the magic, and they give small acts of kindness to strangers. A few days ago, there was a two-hour chain of Starbucks customers who paid for the coffee of the person behind them in line! That sort of generosity thrills me! And people all over the place (in the US anyway) put up beautiful sparkly lights to decorate their houses and give joy to passers-by. Every time I see a house all lit up with colorful lights, I feel like I am living in a truly magical world, a world of joyful people who want to celebrate love and share with others. That's my favorite part, really -- the feeling that everyone I meet is connected by this celebration of giving. That's what Christmas means to me -- joy through giving.

I have most of my Christmas presents purchased now (yay me! some of them might actually arrive on time!), but there are a few VERY IMPORTANT people whom I just CANNOT figure out what to get! If you have a wishlist online anywhere, please make sure I have it. If it isn't listed there, drop me a link please! If you DON'T have a wishlist, please tell me what genres of things you like. Don't worry, I'm not going to feel obligated to get what you list, whether wishlist or genre-list. I never feel obligated; that's the great thing about preferring bluntness to politeness :D Here's my list, so you can see what I mean: ( clickity click )

On a related note, I really don't understand why people get all het up over others wishing them a happy holiday-they-don't-celebrate. If I celebrate something, then my happy wishes are going to be connected to that! I would be happy if someone wished me Happy Hanukkah or Cheerful Kwanzaa or Joyful Ramadan, even though I don't celebrate them. The point is, that person is sharing their joy with me, and I welcome it -- what does it matter what label it wears? joy is joy!

*merry Christmas dance*

Christmas 2006

magic! ♥

( more photos )

and my loot! XD I am still so thrilled about this ♥ ♥ ♥ Oh what the hell, I'll "show not tell":

( my miraculous presents! )
why miraculous? because Miss K gave me (and Ben) credit at a used book store as a present, and we went there day after Christmas and they had the LAST THREE Torey Hayden books, the only ones I didn't have!!!!!!!! 'coincidences' like this are why it's easy for me to believe in God/dess and the power of the unseen. just holy wonder, seriously. I exclaimed over the miracle and Ben was all 'yeah that's great' but Miss K agreed with me as I gushed over how fabulous her present was. Miracles don't have to save someone's life, sometimes they're just God/dess's way of showing you love.

( more presents! )

I love love love used books. If they cost the same I'd still prefer a used book over a new one. Used ones have a history, and if they're a powerful book then they have absorbed the emotion of another reader, which heightens my own emotion in reading it. I feel like I am experiencing the book along with the former reader. And if they're old in addition to being used, they have that old book smell that is an emotional aphrodisiac to any bibliophile. The only way I ever buy a new book is if I can't find a used copy or I need it in a tearing hurry. Or if I'm getting it as a present for someone who doesn't feel the same way about used books, heh.

This is my Christmas thank-you post. ♥ I have SO. MANY. beautiful people in my life. I am the most blessed person ever, really. I need to look at my blessings more often because DAYUM!

Oh how much I love you. If I could bottle my love it would easily replace electricity all over the world for a day. When I really think about it, I get filled with so much energy that it makes me want to SCREAM! just to let it out. I need more outlets for my love, really. You all live too damn far away for me to be able to pour into your lives. I think maybe I should start visiting the local nursing home... My family always did that at Christmas time, and I totally forgot this year. That was probably my favorite thing about my family... and the last time I did it I felt God so close. And now I am actually confident enough to believe that they really would want me to visit, which means that I could even do it without the excuse of Christmas. hmm.

I have no idea of the order that these arrived in, so I'm going to go randomly through them:
Thank you wallbrat and 12thknight for the paidaccount gifts!
Thank you darling boobiequeen for the photo that I've been wanting for over a year! It's on my wall, and you can see proof in the photos further down in this post. ;-)
aubkabob, dahling, thank you ever so for the card, it made me giggle in true Aubka fashion. ;-D
camilleyun, you are so incredibly utterly kind, I loooooved getting your PURPLE christmas card with such sweet words. Thank you thank you -- I am so glad I get to know you better.
eternitywaiting, OMFG yo, you are AMAZINK! I was worried when I got the package, because I suspected it was jewelry and I don't usually like to get jewelry as presents 'cause I am teh jewelry snob artist -- but I should have known. eeeeeeeee PURPLE eeeeeeeeeeeeee DRAGONFLY!!!!! You wonderful wonderful lovely darling! And I loved it already, but then I realized that the shards in the wings are DICHROIC GLASS. Dichroic glass is to Bel what candy is to a 3-year-old -- !!! Thank you! *many kisses*
( photos of the necklace/earrings )
valynn!!! You just stunned me with your generosity and especially with including Ben! He was feeling left out with all of my friends sending me stuff while he got no mail, and your lovely thoughtful gift card really made him happy. ThankyouX80million!!!
darkpool, wow. You made me feel SO LOVED!!!!! Everything was so perfect and so suited me! I love the bottles, they went straight into my sanctuary, along with the candle holders. And the book will DEFINITELY come in handy, yay! and the note that came along with it just made everything 10 times as meaningful. I love that you got me the bookmark because you relate me with vibrancy. ♥ You blew me away. AND THE GYPSY KEYRING!!! wow. I think you hit just about every love of mine. ♥
( a photo of darkpool's presents )
maladroitkat, do you know how many times I picked up that book and almost bought it? At least four times! I suppose it was meant to be a gift from you to me, and I love it, thank you thank you! And the second book, OMG, gypsies AND egypt AND a deep theme???? I SO can't WAIT to read it!!! thank you!!!
( a photo of m-kat's presents )
alariya, darling, do you know how much I love you for giving to me when you are struggling so much? The act of giving meant even more to me than the awesome CD. (which would NOT photograph, mlurg)
lilerthkwake, thank you for the Christmas card, you're such a sweetheart! Did you make it? it's pretty. ;-)
ohsaycanyousay, thank you for the card -- you are amazing, I so appreciate you going to the trouble for me when your own life is tumultuous.
invisibleglue, I love the pendant! I don't know why, really -- it just reminds me of something a fae or dryad would wear. I love it, I doooo, thank you sweetheart! (that's what inspired the 'what charm would you be' poll -- I was thinking of making an lj-friend necklace) And I was so delighted by the tiny bow and darling wrapping! such an adorable thing, I actually saved the part of the wrapping with the mini-bow and mini-card, because it was just too damn cute to throw away.
( a photo of the pendant )
aslan_fan, I adore that keyring! "I am a nut" -- Dr. Talkavich quotes are forever golden. ;-D and I still haven't tried the tea, but I am so looking forward to it! And more than anything, decorating the apartment with frenetik was just such a sweet gift, and it really meant a lot to me.
( photos of elya's and Ben's family's gifts )
frenetik, dunno why I'm referring to your journal when you probably won't read this, but nevertheless, thank you, my love. You AMAZED me with how perfect your gifts were! Limited edition purple duct tape! and purple glass, and cinnamon candles, and purple paint, and the scents from BPAL. but most of all, my warrior faery. ♥ You are the BEST HUSBAND EVER, all the time and not just right now, and I treasure you.
( photos of Ben's presents, including the delightfully detailed fae )
and Rebecca, I know you won't read this, but I love you for thinking of me and choosing such perfect gifts. I am sure I'm going to frame the purple & green dragonfly photo, it's just incredibly beautiful and incredibly me. And I suspect that you put coins in the machine until you got the dragonfly tattoo, and I think that's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me.
( a photo of rebecca's presents )
AND Ben's parents got us a fancy-fancy toaster oven, which will probably save us a ton on energy since we won't have to use the oven for everything. So very wonderful!
( and last but not least, my rearranged living room with the decorations that elya and Ben put up! )
( one last photo -- my updated postcard wall! )

Yes, this is a jazzed-up version of last year's banner, but it's so perfect because this year I got that photo as a Christmas present! yay! Thank you again Danielle!

I'm going to sleep and when I wake up I get to open presents from some of you, I am so so so so so excited! And I get to open my presents from Ben! And hopefully he will love the presents I got him. and then (and I am ridiculously excited about this) I am so calling some of you to wish you Merry Christmas and to hear (if I sent and you got my present) how happy you are!

By the way, I say 'Merry Christmas' because that is the holiday I celebrate. If you don't celebrate Christmas, feel free to wish me a Happy Hannukuh or a Cheerful Solstice or just a Joyful Winter (although that's kinda an oxymoron). I will be delighted just the same. ;-)

I love you all.
♥

YAY! I have some presents done!

maladroitkat -- present already given!
jedibubbles -- present complete & wrapped!
alariya -- b-day present finished and wrapped, christmas present mostly-ready.
aubkabob -- present complete & wrapped & packed to ship!
eternitywaiting -- present complete & wrapped & packed to ship!
-- but listen up, you two -- if you can't wait until at least Christmas Eve to unwrap them, then I'm not sending them until the last minute, and THEN it might be late! So do I have your word that you'll wait?
notashamed -- present complete & wrapped & packed to ship!
ohsaycanyousay -- present wrapped, waiting to be packed to ship.
my eviltwin -- presents bought & wrapped!
shioneh -- present begun (it's a project!)
boobiequeen -- present bought!
misemifein2 -- present bought and on its way to me to be wrapped and sent! I miss Kate so terribly much! She better get internet next semester!
sunshinepill -- half of present bought.
Rebecca -- nothing yet.
elya -- half-done!
and I have the perfect idea for valynn, but no one seems to be selling it! arrrggh!
Yet to get: scream_baby, valynn, invisibleglue, & the other half of sunshinepill's present.
Still to figure out what to get! You guys are hard!:
presents for whatsarahsaid, kmiotutsie, & darkpool! Please give me ideas!

If I was rich I'd get presents for all of you. You all have my love!