oft-tagged people

tags

'lj idol' · addresses · adrienne · allison · angelina · anger · anika · anti-racism · art · art -- collages · art -- drawing · art -- jewelry · art -- painting (digital) · art -- painting (traditional) · art -- photography · art -- sculpture · artistic inspiration sharing · ashley · aubrey · aurilion · aurilion's 1st visit · ava · bellydancing · biofamily · birthday · bob · body image · books · brian · butterfly boucher · cationes · christmas · church · cobra spirit · colors · commentless posts · comments · communication · compassion · counseling · creativity · curvygirls · dana · dancing · dani · describe me to a stranger · destined happenings · disconnection · dreams · dreams more real than waking · egypt · elya · eve · eviltwin · fae · faith · familyism · favorites · feminism/equalism · films/shows · finances · forgiveness · friends-no-longer · friendships · gabe · gender · georgia · giving · glass · goals · god/dess · goodnewsnetwork.org · growth · gypsy spirit · hair · hannah · hannah's 1st visit · hannah's 2nd visit · healing · health · heart · helly · home · honesty · icons · identity · interconnectedness · jedidiah · jewelry · journalling · kanika · kat · kate · katie · kaylene · kazi · kimberley · kristy · laugh · layouts · learning · life story · lil sis · linkage · lists · little chaotic posts · lj · lj friends · ljing feedback · love · magic · maps · mckenzie · megan · meliae · meme · michael b · moving · music · music sharing · my 1st hannah visit · my lodestars · my tribe · names · nea · new mindsets · nick · nimajn · nimajn's family · noe venable · non-poll polls · open-mindedness · openness · pain · passions · personality · philosophical musings · phone · photos · plumb · poetry · polls · polyamory · positivity · postcard meme · presents · pro-nudity · queerness · questions · random · rants · rebecca · relationships · risk-taking · sabr · sadie · sara · scents · screened · self-decorating · self-educating · self-portraits · sex · sexual abuse · shamaila · sick · snow leopards · soul · soul-spirit issues · soulfriendship · spirit · spirituality · the essential belenen collection · the green couch · the pack · theophostic · thiago · totems · trees · true self · turning points · valynn · vee · videos · voice posts · wish list · work · work stories · writing · www.belenen.net · wynnes · zodiac ·

...
aquastar [userpic]
coffee & conversation with Michael and Laura!
Just before Christmas I met up with Michael, a friend from high school. It had been 2 years since we'd seen each other, and about four years since we had had a real conversation, so I was nervous but excited. Then 30 minutes before we're supposed to meet, he calls up to make sure of the directions, and mentions that he'd bringing his girlfriend along. Not asks -- tells me. I was so shocked that I didn't really react (and he hurried on talking) -- then when I got off the phone, it sank in and I was Pissed. It's been FOUR YEARS and he is bringing a complete stranger? I was so close to canceling, but I finally decided that the worst that could happen was that I would have yummy coffee, be bored and awkward for 30 minutes and then find an excuse to leave. The coffee was really the deciding factor.

I had no idea that his girlfriend would actually be interesting -- he's always had questionable taste before. I was expecting a shallow, snobby unhealthily-skinny blonde with no backbone. Well, Laura was blonde but other than that she was the complete opposite of my expectations. She's a voluptuous curvygirl! Which impressed me, 'cause that means that Michael now has a healthier view on beauty. And she's spunky and a deep thinker and very friendly.

After we were introduced, we went back to the green couch (damn I love that couch), and Laura went up to order a coffee. I took the opportunity to sketch out for Michael the last two years of my life and my earthshattering changes (I had told him before that I had something important that I wanted to talk to him about, but that I wanted to tell him in person) -- he was very respectful and caring. Then he told me that he had thought that Ben and I were getting a divorce when I had sent him that email (omg!), and that he had talked about it with Laura and SHE suggested that perhaps I had gotten a sex change! We laughed about that -- but that explains why Laura insisted on coming along -- if I was in her shoes and I thought that a girl that Michael had been so close with was single, I sure as hell would have insisted on being there. Michael and I used to be very close, though it was never a romantic or sexual relationship.

So the three of us talked about philosophy, politics, art, relationships... it was SO much fun. Michael and I argued, and I remembered why I used to enjoy it so much. We never belittle each other's ideas, and I know that no matter what my opinion is, he's not going to feel any differently about me and vice versa. So we can battle and know that we aren't going to come out wounded -- it's fencing rather than swordfighting. Laura wasn't a third wheel, either -- the three of us really had balanced conversation, it was amazing.

Then at the end, we started talking about relationships and I ended up kinda counseling them -- ironic since I haven't been having the best marriage lately, but I know what works even if Ben and I aren't doing it at the time. I hope Michael didn't feel attacked, I tried to make it plain that I didn't think any less of him. The opposite is true -- apparently they have broken up and gotten back together several times in the year that they've been together, which I think is real maturity, since they're working out problems instead of throwing away an imperfect relationship.

We talked for about three solid hours. I love the new me! able to just be comfortable with a friend whom I haven't seen in years and a perfect stranger. Laura's actually a person I'd like to be friends with, but sadly she's on myspace *shudder* instead of LJ. But I'm going to try to be in touch somehow or another. And at some point we're going to have to go on a double date. When we finally parted, I hugged them both. I really really really hope they stay together, I think they fit together so well. And Michael said he'd check out my journal -- so are you reading this??? eh? I've been trying to get him to read it since I made it, but he's always been completely disinterested before -- this time he actually showed interest. So Michael, if you're reading this, extounding. I'm going to ask you, so remember that I said that!




aquastar [userpic]
dream (Michael B. famous at our high school reunion)
I was at a reunion of sorts, for people who went to my high school. Michael B. was there, and apparently he'd gotten famous or something, because there was a line of people to greet him, and they were all bragging on how they had been friends with him in high school. I felt kinda shy (even though I think I was his closest friend in high school, at least one of the top three), and just waited my turn in line, but when I got to him, he was so happy to see me. He cried and hugged me, and I hugged him back hard and cried too.

Ever since I woke up I've been missing him. I wonder how he's doing...
connecting: ,




aquastar [userpic]
letter from Michael B / Allison / am I boring?
I got an email (in response to the "I'm deleting this address so change your books" email, at the supposedly deleted address) from Michael today...

read it )

I really jinxed myself with that birthday reminder thing. I've missed every birthday since I started getting the reminders. (even Spencer's!)

I miss Michael. We were so close in high school, and now we hardly ever communicate. I wish I had gotten to hang out with him some this summer... he's one of my favorite people, 'cause he is so incredibly himself; he doesn't try to fit with any particular group. I need to be better about keeping in touch with him.


With Allison, I'm a little hurt and a little offended, 'cause despite my tries, she hasn't managed to spend one afternoon with me all summer. I realize she has a busy schedule, but there's no change in her pocket for me? I'm sure it has somewhat to do with the fact that I've been fairly car-less... but still. One day of going out of her way would have meant so much to me. (I'm not forgetting how wonderful she has been in the past -- she was the only one who helped me pack before I got married and moved in with Ben) Why drop me?

Well, Kristen B. accused me of becoming boring since I got married -- maybe that's why. I don't think I got more boring, but I'm on the inside of me. *shrug* I'll be as wild as a waterstar one day -- both inside and out.


I'm nervous about counseling tonight...
feelings: anxious
connecting: ,




aquastar [userpic]
dream (Michael B. and I on high dock above water, holding him while he grieved)
I dreamed about Michael B. He and some other girl and I were on this dock that was about a hundred stories above the water. (it was a covered dock, with 2 to 3 feet of walking space around it, which was where we were) For some reason he was sorrowful, and I don't mean just sad but deeply sorrowful, almost grieving. So I held him, like you'd hold a friend who was worried about someone who might die. There was no sense of finality, though, so it wasn't actual death. I just remember that I held him until he was comforted, and he knew it was platonic and was content with that.
feelings: contemplative
connecting: ,




  Viewing 0 - 4  

curvygirls are beautiful





May 2008
        1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

The current mood of belenen at www.imood.com


books/pages read:
3 / 55
1,115 / 17,171
self-educating




This journal style is
best viewed in the
firefox browser --
as is everything
on the web.


Get Firefox!


The WeatherPixie