Belenen (belenen) wrote,

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horrid morning, pleasant afternoon / web updates

Ugh. This morning I went in to work to sit in the back and read through computer tutorials. I asked Ben if I'd need to be in uniform -- he said no, since I wouldn't be on the floor. When I walked up to Ameena, she didn't flicker an eyelash at my non-uniformed self, but when she asked a manager to help me sign in, said manager took exception. I got a very strong impression that she wouldn't generally have made it an issue, but the fact that I'm young and have an attractive figure swayed her toward hostility -- because she's not those things. Ameena at first started to argue with her, saying that I was going to be in the back room all day, but after Ameena realized she wasn't budging, she said that it had been clear in the training that it was necessary to be in uniform (which it obviously wasn't, since I wouldn't have risked this happening) and turned around and left. So I asked if I could use the phone, and the manager took me to it and left.

I think I have a phobia about being left alone in a public place without a way to get in touch with anyone or leave. When I called Ben's parents' house ('cause Ben and I still don't have a phone) no one answered on the first two calls, and I started crying. When Mr. Ben answered, I could barely tell him what was going on. He said he'd pick me up at the front of the store in a little while, so I went up to the front and sat and waited. The whole time, I couldn't stop crying. Not loud wailing or anything, but my eyes just ran and ran... for thirty minutes. Obviously an overreaction -- and such a strong one that I think there's a buried memory under that emotion.

I felt terribly alone, and the whole time I was so scared that Mr. Ben was going to be angry at me for calling him to pick me up. We've been using their phone when we have a need, and that's self-centered of us, and I know they're sick of it. I kept thinking that Mr. Ben would be thinking, "If they had just gotten a freaking phone, she wouldn't be messing up my morning." I know Mr. Ben is much more generous than that, but I was so emotional I couldn't really think.

Anyway, Mr. Ben had to take Sadie (his daughter) somewhere, so he dropped by our flat and told Ben about it, and Ben came to pick me up. We were both incredibly rattled by the whole thing -- Ben was offended that they had made such an issue of it (he said that if any other manager had been present, they'd have intervened and let me stay), and he was angry because they had made me upset... and even when I got over my hysteria he was still irritated. Finally we took a nap together, and that soothed our nerves a bit.

I'm a little nervous about going back now. Hah. I mean, I'm dreading going back now.


The afternoon was good though -- Ben took me to JoAnns and Michaels for beading stuff, and then we went out to dinner in celebration of our anniversary (which is Monday but we're celebrating it this weekend). I also updated my userinfo and added lengths and prices to my earrings page.

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