April 2018
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my mom wrote to me today.....

.........from my biomom to me.............

Dear Kisten,

      Do you remember when you use to introduce yourself to people as Kisten? I was thinking about that the other day. I miss those days they were easier and slower. I use to ride you on my twelve speed bike and you just loved it. On the way home you always fell asleep. Those were special times. Just you and me. Mark was away at another location and I was living with your Aunt Kiki. Your favorite snack was pretzels. You loved to do puzzles all the time when you were two. I wish you liked talking to me. I do miss my sweet daughter. It is like you try very hard to push me and your Dad away. We only want to help you. Maybe one day you will understand that but in the mean time it is very difficult to not feel close to you.

      I am planning your shower. I sent out twelve invitations and I am planning on inviting about 12 more. I do not have the Stricklands address.


      And it certainly isn't that I don't like talking to her but I hate talking to my dad because he is so negative and critical, and he dominates the phone. If I could know that she'd answer and not him, I'd call much more often. Dammit.

      (I love the word dammit, it's so expressive. But fuck is my favorite no-no word. More than any other word it communicates the highest intensity of human experience, and the sound matches the meaning so well! Few words sound like what they mean as much as fuck. But I have to be careful who I use it around, because people find it offensive and if they find me offensive they'll think my God is not awesome, and that's not cool. The other day I was talking about God kicking ass and Josh was like, whoa, whoa, isn't that a bad word? So I said that if it bothered him I wouldn't use it around him anymore and the subject went bye-bye.)

feelings: talkative-but-sleepy

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jedibubbles ══╣╠══
*huggles her Bel* it's hard, I know.

But, on your other topic, personally I'm long-since sick of people who are so closed-minded that they think if I use bad words I'm not a Christian. To quote Erik (who funny enough was the one who started the "pinkie birdie" thing) "Allison, you shouldn't do that! Swearing hurts your witness!" Show me where it says in the Bible that we can't use powerfully expressive words created by human language ("using the Lord's name in vain" doesn't count, as I try not to do that) and I'll stop! Language is limiting enough to start with. And anything that you have in common with non-Christians can only be a selling point. "See, I'm human, I swear just like you, I don't think I'm better than you."
jedibubbles ══╣╠══
Though being considerate of other people's feelings is important!
belenen ══╣╠══
Damn Straight. or "blank straight"; I actually like the way that sounds, and it makes people laugh instead of look appalled. Senior year, I said "shit" and Michael and Cara's jaws both dropped to the floor. They were so concerned, too -- it was adorable. They figured something awful must have happened to make me say that.
jedibubbles ══╣╠══
"blank straight!" *dies laughing* I love it!
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.