Do you remember when you use to introduce yourself to people as Kisten? I was thinking about that the other day. I miss those days they were easier and slower. I use to ride you on my twelve speed bike and you just loved it. On the way home you always fell asleep. Those were special times. Just you and me. Mark was away at another location and I was living with your Aunt Kiki. Your favorite snack was pretzels. You loved to do puzzles all the time when you were two. I wish you liked talking to me. I do miss my sweet daughter. It is like you try very hard to push me and your Dad away. We only want to help you. Maybe one day you will understand that but in the mean time it is very difficult to not feel close to you.
I am planning your shower. I sent out twelve invitations and I am planning on inviting about 12 more. I do not have the Stricklands address.
And it certainly isn't that I don't like talking to her but I hate talking to my dad because he is so negative and critical, and he dominates the phone. If I could know that she'd answer and not him, I'd call much more often. Dammit.
(I love the word dammit, it's so expressive. But fuck is my favorite no-no word. More than any other word it communicates the highest intensity of human experience, and the sound matches the meaning so well! Few words sound like what they mean as much as fuck. But I have to be careful who I use it around, because people find it offensive and if they find me offensive they'll think my God is not awesome, and that's not cool. The other day I was talking about God kicking ass and Josh was like, whoa, whoa, isn't that a bad word? So I said that if it bothered him I wouldn't use it around him anymore and the subject went bye-bye.)