Belenen (belenen) wrote,

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I wanna write.....
      but Judy, from my fiction writing class, just sold HER story for $25,000.

I wanna sing.....
      but Kaylene has more confidence and drive, so I feel like I haven't earned the right to even try. I mean, if I don't have the passion she has, am I really going to do it? And if I'm going to, when? I'm so doubting. 'Specially since I feel like I'd be copying her. DAMMIT!

I wanna paint.....
      but no one seems to think I'm any good but me, and I don't respect my own opinion that much.

      I always daydreamed about living in a dorm with my girls, and that ain't gonna happen. Oh well, Del's in FL, Rebecca isn't even in college yet, and Kaylene isn't going right now. And elya would be fun but sweet. I like fiesty. I mean, I like sweet too... but if I'm going to REALLY share my life with someone, they gotta be fiesty for us to get along.

I'm so glad I started this LJ. I feel so much more in touch with Del; like we have a relationship again, rather than just a love stretched transluscent by distance. And Del's such an awesome person. OH YEAH! I remember. I was plannin' on starting to write the descriptions about everyone... and I was gonna start with Del. Well, I might do it tonight and I might do it later, but I'm gonna go have coffee and write the list of things to include in my descriptions (I'm such a C -- and working at JoAnn's has made me even more so, 'cause basically I get paid to put stuff where it goes all day. It bothers me a little that I have no real responsibility though; I feel wasted).

      What descriptions, you may ask? Well, I am creating a scrapbook of all the people important to me. The ones who influence me most get their own pages. (heh, my spiritual parents get their own page, while the six who actually tried to parent me share a page) And it's fun, collecting papers and stickers and little stuff that explains each person. When I'm finished, it will be prominantly displayed in my living space, wherever that may be. I think you learn most about a person from what kind of music they like, and second most by what people are important to them. YAY!

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