April 2018
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curviness / enough sleep! / tbg fan meeting!

Thank you for all the reassurances, my lovely friends -- I realized that I am ovulating, so I will delay any panic until two or three days from now.

At least that fear awoke in me the realization that, deeeeeeep down inside, I really do love my body just the way it is. I pictured myself with a flat belly and breasts two cups smaller, and thought that I would NOT find that body attractive. Nope, not even with just my belly flat, I wouldn't like it.
This is the most beautiful belly ever (owned by a professional belly dancer, so there's nothing un-fit about it!):
not mine

...and yet when I imagine that I am that woman, all of a sudden the belly looks too fat to me. But less so, now. I am actually (slowly) getting rid of my 'fat' complex, and that makes me so very very happy.

And then I decided that since I felt positive about my body being the same or even a little curvier, I bought myself one of these for the 80 millionth time...

That is the yummiest candy bar ever invented -- it's the love child of the Mr. Butterfinger and Miss Kit-kat, all the yumminess, none of the stick-in-your-teeth annoyance, and the most delightful texture. (and by the way, I'm not fond of chocolate. I only eat it with peanut butter or mint)


I actually got enough sleep last night, and it made my whole day at work delightful. I was in such a good mood and I didn't feel like faking a faint just to be allowed to go home. Even though it was a VERY slow day. I think I'll make sleep more of a priority.


Yesterday, a guy bought a Jeremy Camp CD, and I mentioned that Jeremy is married to the lead singer of my favorite band.
guy: "The Benjamin Gate?"
me: *mouth falls open*
me: "you... you know who the Benjamin Gate is???"
guy: "Yeah, they're awesome!"

... mad fan-gabbing ensued, making me so freakin' delighted you wouldn't believe it. When I realized he was a fan, I wanted to HUG him! I've NEVER randomly met a TBG fan in real life before! I also wanted to get all his contact info and become friends, but I refrained. ;-)


...and Happy Birthday, nikare!!!

feelings: pleased
sounds: Massive Attack: "Teardrop"
connecting: , ,

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aubkabob ══╣╠══
that's the perfect stomach to me, also :)

hee hee, i've done that before, ran into random people in public and in school that would adore random bands that i was totally into at the time.. one became my bestest friend for quite awhile because of it!
belenen ══╣╠══
aubkabob ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
aubkabob ══╣╠══
inode_finder ══╣not_green╠══
Am glad your ok...
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
That IS a beautiful belly. I wish more people would realize that super-skinny tummies aren't as cute as those with a little cuddly fluff. And I know exactly what you mean about imagining that you are that woman...I'm the same way. I ALWAYS look in the mirror and think my belly is too chubby, but if I could maintain a less biased view, I wouldn't be so critical. :-/

And I also know what you mean about randomly meeting fans....I'm like that when I meet someone who's a big Queen fan (which has only happened once, sadly enough) just because our generation tends to be full of morons who don't appreciate good music. :-P
belenen ══╣mysterious╠══
Well, TBG is a christian rock group -- so they have a limited audience anyway. Most rockers don't want God in their music, and most 'christians' don't want rock in their music. And on top of that, TBG has a very eclectic style, and can't fit into any specific genre. And I've never met a fellow fan who wasn't just too fuckin' awesome for words.
Actually, for their last show, Ben and I hooked up with two strangers from the fan forum (who happened to be named Kristen and Ben, oddly enough) and had a BLAST driving 13 hours there and back. Utter strangers, yet we all got along so well! So anytime I meet a BenGate fan, I feel like there's a 90% chance we'll hit it off.
wallbrat ══╣╠══
Good for you. *smiles* I don't understand the concern over being thin anyway. Too many woman try to attain thin and hurt themselves in the process.

OK. Color me a convert. I found their website, listened and read and I just ordered both of their CD's. *laughs*
belenen ══╣giggling╠══

I'm seriously that delighted! Soooooo glad you like 'em!!!!! I hope you very much enjoy the CDs, and be sure to tell me your favorite songs!
wallbrat ══╣╠══
(Anonymous) ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
oh, that's not my belly, as much as I'd like it to be.
maladroitkat ══╣woo!╠══
That woman has an absolutely gorgeous body.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
nod nod!
phrankenstyne ══╣╠══
That looks like my high school senior picture. Ironic, isn't it? Of course, my tux was black and not yellow plastic, but hey, it's close.
belenen ══╣teasing╠══
*rolls eyes*
bluebl00d ══╣╠══
A woman's body is the most beautiful thing ever created. And that thing is beautiful no matter the shape or form. Sure a flat stomach is sexy so does having a small belly or a large one even. I strongly believe what makes a person sexy is the way they feel about themselves, if you find yourself sexy and have that confidance, well that will shine through.

We're being fed by the media etc a certain body type and people are believing it. Little girls are destroying themselves by starving themselves to reach that perfect body. There is no perfect body, it's only a figure of speach that we use to describ what we find attractive not necessarily perfection. Because someone's perfection may not be another one idea of perfection.

eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
See, as much as I'd LIKE to believe that, I just can't.

A person's confidence is definately sexy, but only if that person isn't completely repulsive. Don't try to tell me you'll find the 500-pound woman who never showers or brushes her teeth and has several large bald pots sexy just because she's confident. There's a limit to everything. Confidence will make the average or less than average person seem beautiful, but I'm sorry, there is such a thing as ugly, no matter how confident you are.

I also have a distaste for the idea that it's the media's fault for everyone's body image. Yes, they portray a certain image as "perfection" and it is a lot to get over. However, it is not NBC's fault if you go and get a nose job or breast implants or WHATEVER because YOU wanted to look like a castmember of Friends. It's YOUR OWN FAULT because you have the right to decide what you want to do to your body.

If "little girls are destroying themselves by starving themselves" you need to look beyond the "media image." Look at the PARENTS, maybe, and try to find out why THEY didn't give their daughters any confidence to be able to look at Barbie and go, "Huh. That's unrealistic." And YES, little girls DO have the presence of mind to do that. I did.

Blaming the media is an easy cop-out. Some women want different bodies. They have the RIGHT to desire that. They have every right to say, "I hate my stomach, I want it to change," and to then start going to the gym. Not everyone has to learn to love themselves if they DON'T WANT TO. Everyone has to learn what makes them happy, and if eating limited calories and doing the eliptical daily is what it takes, then fine. If having surgery to change something about them is what it takes, then FINE. It's all a way of learning to find yourself attractive, and every woman has a right to do so through whatever means she deems neccessary.

I didn't mean to go off on a tangent, but I've spent a very long time learning that it is NOT the media's fault for MY OWN body image, and that one of the most important things about trying to find yourself attractive is learning that your perceptions are *your own responsibility.* (You can see one of my longer rants on basically the same subject if you want. It's a sumation of a lot of my feelings on the subject as well.)
belenen ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
anar_anar ══╣╠══
indeed, bellies are beautiful! thats how most women view their bodies, on 'other women' its okay and even attractive but on them its 'too fat.' its a complex we all have to work on.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
very true. ;-)
tinystages ══╣╠══
i wish i was curvy like you :( i'm v. skinny.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
nothin' wrong with that -- join naturallythin -- it's a community for you non-ana slender girls. I found it while looking for anti-ana communities, and even though I don't qualify, I think it's an awesome little group. (ha! little! ;-))
mabels ══╣╠══
Personaly i think your gorgeous as is...but we all dislike things about ourselves that others dont even see.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
;-) Thank you.
ravensfeather ══╣╠══

I was so ridiculously pissed when Jeremy Camp STOLE ADRIENNE!!! *grumbles* He broke up the band! *cries* I heart them. They're my 2nd fave band.. right after Skillet... yea, Panhead... *dances a jig*

Adrienne's really really short. She's shorter than me. And she rocks my face off. Heck, she rocks my skull off my neck. I miss TBG concerts... *sniff sniff*
belenen ══╣giggling╠══
I know, that's why I friended you in the first place silly!! You also like Massivivid, and you are the only person besides me who knows them BOTH! So awesome!

I miss TBG concerts too.... :-(
ravensfeather ══╣╠══
Dark Link
nikare ══╣Dark Link╠══
Ah, thank you very much!

You shall be kept under our wing when we take over. How does a beach house and a couple thousand acres sound to you and Ben?
belenen ══╣giggling╠══
hahahahaha, you might take over this planet, but you'll never take over mine, and I'm/we're moving there asap.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.