May 2018
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help from an unintentional devil's advocate

You know how I said I was so tempted to friends-lock that last post? It was because I knew that if a certain person (not anyone I've mentioned in here) read it she'd judge me. Well, she read it and judged me, but it had an unexpected effect.

Now I actually want to know if Spencer is the sort of person who understands art, and more importantly, understands me. Or if he's the sort she judged him as -- like herself, self-righteous and judgemental. Seeing it like that actually put me in a much more positive frame of mind, because I have never known him to be like that.

And my honesty may be scary and wierd to some, but y'know what? I don't care. The kind of people that get freaked out by it aren't the kind of people whose opinions matter to me. And if it's TMI for you, don't read.

As far as modeling goes, it is a part of me in the same way that beading is a part of me or (to a lesser extent) painting is a part of me. It's my art. ...more on that later...

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thesaj ══╣╠══

belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
snow leopard, my animal self. ;-)
thesaj ══╣╠══
Winged Puma...for me

kevloid ══╣╠══
it's good when openness beats fear, though.

your honesty won't scare anybody. have you had a look around in lj? :-) seriously though, for people to really know you they need to see the whole spectrum. in my journal(s) I've let people see me in some pretty ugly moments, and I was surprised and happy when everyone stayed. the subtitle of my journal used to be 'warts & all'. :-)

I'd say go ahead and give him the link, but tell him what's there first. and let him know how much his thoughts are worth to you.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Hm, warn him first -- good point. Maybe I'll write an email explaining things...
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
Good luck. I hope he's understanding and accepting. :-)

Erm....on a different subject, but sort of following the same vein....

While you're discussing open-ness and what have you, I was hoping you would indulge a request: Upon browsing through your site, I happened upon your "causes" page and was link-clicking...I was hoping you'd indulge me with a post explaining your beliefs/opinions on homosexuality.

This might seem very out-of-the-blue, but honestly I think we might differ on some points that are very personal to me, and I don't want to end up harboring some hidden resentment just because we didn't talk about it. I really value your friendship, and although I don't think friends need to agree on everything, there are some points that really matter to me on which I'd like to see your side of things, ya know?
jedibubbles ══╣╠══
*sits down with bucket of popcorn to watch Take 2 of homosexuality discussion in HER journal months ago*

*passes popcorn to eternitywaiting*

If she complies, this'll be fun, I promise!
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
Oh god. Now I'm terrified. :-p
jedibubbles ══╣╠══
Nah, don't be. I just wanted to let you know that such discussions invariably become quality entertainment. ^_^
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I'm afraid your popcorn might get stale... see comment posted to Anika.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
Well, let me first say that I don't approve of the tone of one of the sites, but linked to it anyway for the sake of the quotes from homosexual rights activists. The other is a very in-depth research site. I think I might take the other one off, now that you bring it up -- don't want people assuming I support their attitude.
The links are there because there are a lot of myths about homosexuality that people believe, and I think people NEED to research it.

My own beliefs about it are not solid, and so I do not want to post about it because then I'd be pushed into the position of defending ideas that I'm not even sure I believe. I'm trying to get to a conclusion, when I do solidify my beliefs I will certainly share them.

Is this something you'd unfriend me over? Because that'd make me very sad.
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
No....I just really don't like the idea of a friend thinking I need therapy to fix what's wrong with me or I won't be a normal human being. I honestly cried (a lot) when I read those pages.

I've got some things to say about some of the information on those sites...I think I might make a post about it later. My beliefs *are* solid, so at least there might be a way we can see our disagreements. :-/
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
I'm so sorry I hurt you (however indirectly)... and I look forward to reading your point of view.
jedibubbles ══╣╠══
Actually, I believe she remarked on Paula's potential reaction, not so much Spencer's. And I have a sneaking suspicion who that commenter is in real life, but if what I say next doesn't seem to apply, talk to me, because it does apply to someone you need to talk to...

Remember how old she is (and that everyone in your life doesn't think just like you, or even understand you ALL of the time). She's currently forming her own opinions about the world and everyone in it, still sees issues in black and white, and can be very harsh and final in her judgements. Knowing that, you can get mad and defensive when she judges you, or you can listen, ask her to explain why she thinks those things, and then calmly offer up your defense. I think a little non-"TMI" (again, recall age/life experience/maturity level) information-and-views-on-life exchange could be good.

Now, about the "to share or not to share" connundrum: I'm going to share something my mom said to me recently during one of our redefining-our-mother-daughter-relationship-now-that-she's-trying-VERY-hard-to-treat-me-like-an-adult arguments. (And I know my mom and I have our VERY rough spots, but looking back, she really has applied the following philosophy all my life, so don't discount it.) "Allison, I may not always approve or agree with everything you do, and I might get mad, but I love you, so I'll accept it in the end."

So, if Spencer and Paula really love you as the spirit parents you feel they are, they shouldn't be too phased. (Or at least Spencer shouldn't. I get a stronger "love everyone regardless" vibe off of him. Paula always struck me as having an instinctively judgemental defense mechanism.) If it means SO much to you, if you're going to doubt their love because you're always wondering "what if they knew...?", then tell them and see. At least you'll know. And I'd rather know than pine, wondering, for their acceptance forever, however painful the relevation may be.

"All knowledge is worth having."
beautymess ══╣╠══
If it means SO much to you, if you're going to doubt their love because you're always wondering "what if they knew...?", then tell them and see. At least you'll know.

Very good point!

I like that.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
(me too)
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
I was referring to when she said "if you were to let Spencer read this/see your "art" he would dissaprove."

And honestly, I could try to explain to her, but it's hard enough for me to stay civil, and she's done some things (which she has not apologized for) that cause me to have no desire to teach her or help her see my point of view. If she had a different attitude it'd be different, but I just don't care to enlighten someone who is chasing me down to condemn me.


You're so right about the Paula/Spencer thing. I feel like it's pretty likely Paula will condemn me, but if the worst comes to the worst and they both reject me, at least I'll be able to begin the process of getting over them rather than being in this limbo.

DAYUM GIRL! Did you just quote Healer Glotrun to me? (or am I remembering wrong...)
jedibubbles ══╣╠══
I see. Ah, well, just my $0.02...

Pshaw! Not even my memory is that good, babe! THAT was the almighty Delauney, Elua rest his soul. ^_^
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
ohhhh.... oh well.
(Anonymous) ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣giggling╠══
haha, I had to stew for a while before I wrestled it into positivity.
shespoke ══╣╠══
gah! i'm catching up on my friends pages cuz i've been from LJ a few days. i wrote this whole cool comment about honesty and stuff. you figured it out on your own though. glad you did :)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.