Then I mentioned that I think you have to be balanced and reward good behavior, and she said, "no, you don't need to reward them, they should just do it." I considered dropping it right there, because arguing with a customer isn't very professional, but then I thought, fuck it, I'm saying it, and I said, "but if you never reward, then their only motivation for doing good is fear of punishment." And she said, "I think good behavior should be expected, not rewarded." Then I did shut up, because if I had allowed myself to say anything else I'd have said, "I'm certain your kids hate you, and you deserve it, you horrid excuse for a parent." I bet she never so much as smiles at her kids for fear that they'll take advantage of the split-second of softness and misbehave.
Parents like that are the reason people (referring to those raised as christians) have a wrong view of God. Your parents are supposed to be an example of God's love, and if they're the never-rewarding-always-punishing type whom you can never please, that's exactly how you will view God. I wanted to feel sympathy for her, because I know her parents probably treated her exactly that way when she was a kid, but I couldn't. Probably because my own wounds from that type of parenting are still too fresh. Anyway. The lady whom I was checking out while this conversation was going on had a five-month-old, and I hope that if she had horrid parents, that my comment about rewarding will stick in her mind and she will be a balanced parent. Who knows, sometimes little things make a difference.
The other incident -- a man came in my line with one item, I rang it up and he dug for his money, made a big deal over how he must have dropped his 100$ bill, ran off to get it, and came back, all relieved that he had found it, handed me a bill. I actually entered $100 for the tender, opened my drawer, and was about to take out the change, when he said, "no, don't break it, that'd be bad luck, actually just give me the bill and I'll give you a five." Then I got confused and realized that he was probably trying to scam me -- and he would have succeeded if I hadn't had the ten still in my hand. Yeah, it was a ten. (I think it very God, because if the man hadn't interrupted me, I'd have given him the $97) Anyway, I realized that I had made a mistake, but I wasn't going to compound it by giving him the money. I told him, "I'm sorry sir, you gave me a ten." He started talking about how he was going to be late for work and get fired, had kids at home, that sort of thing. I said, "I'm sorry sir, but you only gave me a ten," and all of a sudden he got compliant and said, "okay, I'm sorry, I must have made a mistake," accepted the change, and went off (apparently he tried the same thing on another cashier right after me and the CSM had to count down her drawer). And I felt both dumb for not looking at the damn bill in the first place, and pleased with myself for facing him down. Overall, I'm pleased with myself, because I won't make that mistake again, and look how bold am I, even in the face of my own dumbness.
After I got off of work, Ashley came over, 'cause she's been hurting. She's becoming spiritually open, and the becoming process is very painful... you keep trying to crawl back into a shell that isn't there any more, and your spirit gets raw from all the contact with other spirits. I remember it very well, and even though I feel for her, I am glad she's going through what I went through because it validates my experience. I've never known anyone besides myself who's been through that... and I went through it with only God, no physical person to help me, I'm glad she has me. In a weird way it makes me want to go through it again, because that was a period of such rich growth... Even through the pain, so much growth, and in that growth so much clarity. It was all new, there was no misinformation to cloud it.
Anyway, I held her, she wept, I listened, I loved on her for the first time (so far it's been the other way around). My alariya, I love you sweetheart.
P.S. I am in love with my new icon.