Patricia had told me to wear something tight enough that she could see my midsection, to see if I was doing the moves right, so I wore a tight stretchy shirt & pants, expecting to be grossed out or irritated when I looked in the mirror, but I wasn't. That's a pretty good thing, since the outfit hid nothing about my figure. Then when I walked into the dance room and saw myself in the floor-to-ceiling mirror, I realized that I really like my body. I like that I have hips, I like my legs, I like my breasts, and I don't mind my belly so much (and I love my heinie). That was before we started.
I was actually rather disappointed in the lesson itself, because I was so clumsy and I had expected to pick it all up with no trouble. I hate failing, and hate it so much more when I fail at something important to me -- which is why I don't even like attempting things that are important to me. But I did try, and I didn't quite fail, I just didn't do that well. But I'm determined to get better. It's okay to fail, self. It is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to NOT be perfect at everything, dammit, get that into your subconscious! And just because I'm clumsy at the beginning doesn't mean that I'm never going to get it or that I have no talent for dance. (that was painful to type -- just the idea that I could possibly not have talent at something so important to me -- uh) My muscles are just lacking in dexterity right now. Hm. I just realized that I was comparing this lesson to the one I took two years ago, and that was when I was still in perfect shape from working on the dairy goat farm (farming = tons of physical labor) -- and at that one I was very quick to pick things up. *sigh of relief* I feel so much better. I may have talent at dance -- I'm just out of shape. And that's fixable.
Speaking of which, I already see a change in my belly, and I'm not exaggerating. Ben said so too. Yay! Muscles are being toned! And next week she's giving us CDs to practice to.
And also, I expected to be exhausted afterwards, but though my legs were quivering a little, I felt energized and sprightly. Maybe I won't die next saturday when I have counseling, then bellydance, then work!