April 2018
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appearance and attractiveness

let's talk about looks. Or rather, I'm gonna talk about looks/appearance/etc., and you can read and talk back or ignore completely. ;-) (I'm in a rather domineering mood right now)

I am a very visual person -- probably why I have violent feelings about colors. I hate orange, even though I have liked some people who liked it (SO weird to me) -- it seems like such a harsh, bitter, cynical color to me (I do make an exception occasionally for pale sherbert or screaming neon oranges). I shall prove my geekiness by telling you that I have found an html color that is almost exactly my favorite -- #9554f7. And some colors inspire such a feeling of boredom that I hate them in a dull quiet way -- ICK navy beige tan. I can't spell out loud, hardly at all, but I can easily figure out the spelling of a word from the look of it. Same with math -- I can't do it in my head, I need to see it. Anyway, my visualness extends to people. I'm not sure if I've just happened to befriend beautiful people, or if I fall so in love with them that they become beautiful to me, or that I subconsiously seek out beautiful people to be friends with, but the vast majority of my friends are people whom I consider attractive, quite a few even drop-dead gorgeous (I think you know who you are).

And I wonder about that a lot. I find it very disturbing when I actually consider someone unattractive based purely on looks. Because I can't imagine God making an 'ugly' person, I'm sure he considers all of us incredibly beautiful, so what is it that I'm missing? And I'm not talking about things that people do to themselves, like obesity or anorexia, I'm talking about facial features. It's okay and perfectly right to me to find people different levels of attractive, but I don't think it's right to be put off from someone for simply wearing the face that they were born with (I'm not talking about any of you, okay? Don't go thinking that).

Oh, but on a very good, positive, and encouraging note, I have started to see different body shapes as beautiful. HONESTLY see them as beautiful, not 'beautiful in spite of their differences from the ideal' but beautiful because of their differences from each other. I just tried to picture my 'ideal woman' and I couldn't think of a shape-- YAY!!! Because there should be no such thing as ideal. I can't stand it when women say, "oh, no, my body this, oh no, I look (insert negative adjective)." If I'm hearing it, I've gotten to the point where I will tell perfect strangers not to say that about themselves (yay for D-type personalities). (but only with friends do I demand that they make up for it by saying good things)
The only time you should worry about your figure/weight is if your health is suffering or you are trying to get into shape for some kind of physical event like a marathon. If women would stop complaining about 'those ten extra pounds' then other women would feel free to be their natural weight and we'd all be happier. Do you know WHY those 'vanity pounds' are so hard to lose? Because they are supposed to be there!!! Most women were designed to be curvy! God made a few slender women for variety, but the more common healthy female body shape is curvy. At least, that's my opinion.

I've gotten much closer to accepting my body, can you tell? And it's had the surprising but very welcome effect of accepting others' bodies as well.

feelings: assertive
sounds: Fono: "Under My Skin"
connecting: ,

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carodus ══╣╠══
colour sensitive
I have to agree - colours are an integral part of my creativity and do signify my moods to some degree :) For example : I love red - either dark cherry red or a really bright apple red. Equally I love purple and black. I also like bright yellow and dark olive greens. I don't have an affinity with orange either - and tend to view baby pink in the same light :) But I think that this is because of how these colours relate to me personally rather than necessarily on their own merits.

I mean my sister really suits baby pinks and blues -- they flatter her complexion and body shape -- but they do not do anything for me - so I guess I dismiss them from my own colour range.

God has made a really eclectic palette of persons in this world and the ability to be able to apprecite them all for their individuality is admirable :)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Re: colour sensitive
;-) I don't like pink either, unless it leans heavily toward purple.
kevloid ══╣╠══
I just comented to somebody that she was the second girl on my friends list to call herself fat, in 10 minutes of reading. there would've been more, but I cut 2 or 3 of the ones that do that constantly.

it drives me nuts.

I told her that calling herself fat will chase men away much faster than if she was indeed fat.
izzard_uk ══╣╠══
Amen to that!
And amen to Belenen's original post, too!
kevloid ══╣╠══
dangermike ══╣╠══
misemifein2 ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
kevloid ══╣╠══
shaybe ══╣╠══
do you think i am beautiful?
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
yes, Shaybe, I really really do. Your features have incredible symmetry, you have a mischievous little mouth, pretty eyes, and a perfectly-sized nose. Plus, you just sparkle.
darkpool ══╣╠══
I tend to think that if it hadn't been for the fall there wouldn't have been ugly people in the world. Everyone would have been ebautiful, although still indifferent ways. I think the fact that people prefer pretty people is a subconscious reaction to that. I also think though that someone looking pretty has a lot more to do with the way they project and carry themselves than with the way their features are arranged.
I like orange BTW. :-) But red is my favorite color. The funny thing is blue used to be my favorite color, and I almost always wore blue and grey, generall navy blue to. I had very few clothes in other colors. Then, I went through some things with God, had some burdens lifted, unlocked on the inside a bit. Now I don't like blue very much. Red is my favorite color now, and warm brown. People always used to tell me I looked good in red but I rarely wore it, I always wore blue. Now though I don't but anything in blue, I try to buy things that are red or another color.
You might find this interesting.
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
huh, I never thought of that! Quite possible. Symmetry is what humans see as beautiful, and I'd guess that in a perfect world everyone would be symmetrical.

Wow, that's awesome about God kinda 'bringing you to life' and you liking bright colors afterwards. I once read a story of a woman who died and came back, and after she came back she painted every room in her house a vibrant color.

Thanks for the link, I loved it.
evileve ══╣╠══
I HATE yellow. It's rare that I find a certain face beautiful immediatly..I seem to fall for the whole package deal...the presentation of it.
Over the years I've been too disappointed by those that I find striking- they seem to be ugly inside...so now I wait and watch for what else they have to offer.
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
You are the first person I've met (besides me) that has a hated color. cool!

I'm often instantly attracted to people, but if you asked me why I thought they were so beautiful I would not be able to pinpoint it. Honestly, I think it's my spirit seeing the beauty of theirs. But at the same time, I love to look at them, so it probably has a physical aspect.
miss_madisonave ══╣╠══
omg, i love you for this entry...and i totally agree with you, 100%. i hate saying that someone is ugly when i'm just looking at them. someone that is considered to be "unattractive" based on looks could turn out to be the most beautiful person ever once you get to know them. of course, this is not always the case, but i wish some men would realize that you shouldn't shoot down a woman based on her looks. i guarantee you that if someone asked an average male passerby what they thought of me, they would say i look average...maybe a little bit above average, but not much. however, if someone were to ask one of my close male friends what they thought of me, they would give me very high praise. my one male friend is constantly reminding me that i'm beautiful, but i think it has a lot to do with my personality. which is fine with me. am i making any sense? lol.
and about the "ideal" body for women...i totally agree with you there. women need to accept their bodies the way they are. and they need to either stop reading fashion magazines so much or if they must read them, to not fall prey to the subliminal messages that are contained inside about how women "should" look. women need to realize that just because the only things you see on tv or in movies are men lusting after svelte women doesn't mean that there aren't men out there who love curvacious women. i refuse to lose my curves just because of how "most" men think these days about women. i know that in due time, some guy will come along who loves every inch of my curves.
belenen ══╣strong╠══
stop reading fashion magazines

Oh, that is such a huge part of it. I hate seeing perfectly healthy curvy women buying slim-fast and fashion magazines. One time a curvy girl came in my line, and she had one of the loveliest bodies I've ever seen, and she was buying some diet pills. I couldn't help myself, I asked her, "You aren't trying to lose weight, are you?" She laughed a little self-consciously and said, "yes, always... why do you ask?" and I said, "because you look gorgeous the way you are! You certainly don't need to lose any weight." She shyly said thanks. Then the two guys she was with came over and I gave her her receipt and they left... and I was a little worried that she might think I was hitting on her, but DAMN I can't STAND the idea of her thinking she was anything less than beautiful. Afterward I was glad I did. I hope it made a difference to her.
miss_madisonave ══╣╠══
(Anonymous) ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Thank you! I appreciate your comment and share your feelings. I don't believe that unhealthily overweight is beautiful, but at the same time what might be an unhealthy weight for one would be perfect for another person of the same height, due to body structure. I wish we could all realize that. It's hard because we do have an obesity epidemic in the US -- but women who are 10 pounds overweight shouldn't be stressing because they don't have a flat tummy.
oblyvia ══╣╠══
Wow. Your post almost made me cry. That's not easy to do. I have carried those few extra pounds my whole life, and....well, thank you.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
you're very welcome. I'm glad it touched your heart... *huggg*
faetal ══╣╠══
I just woke up, so forgive me for my lack of eloquence.
Colors! Colors denote a lot of different things. Orange is often seen as "cheap, brazen, outgoing, obnoxious" It can also be a very warm and happy color. Purple to me says a lot about spirituality, the soothingness of a blue, with the warmth of a red..
I honestly love Orange, but usually only tempered with its contrasting color blue. I think the two make a lovely complete VIVID team.
Its funny to watch my color preferances change.. Green, Blue, Purple, Pink.
Pink is the most recent one... I love it because it reeks of femininity. and I AM a girly girl.. but more so I sorta enjoy the pun that I see. I'm not Barbie, I'll never be Barbie with a pink car and a pink dream house with a husband who is submissive enough to live in a pink house....
I'd never decorate in pink, and I only wear a few tops that are pink.. but .. I crave it now.. I think its funny.
I find that overweight women who say things about themselves are usually looking for reassurance that they look fine. This IS of course the wrong way about getting proper reassurance, but its pretty common that we fish for it in this way.
For a long long time, my weight depressed me into a hard predicament. Where's the motivation to change when you're always sad? I'm not sure if you've personally ever been upwards for 200 pounds but its... really difficult on your body when you first decide to start really moving it again. There's a lot of resistance, and it hurts so bad that a lot of the time you give up, and feel more depressed because of a whole NEW failure.
or maybe that was just me? but i see it mirrored in other women as well.
There's SO much media pressure. Even if I was comfortable with my body I'd always be a bit grumpy that i couldnt find adorable clothes for my frame... Bras that are sexy.. etc.
I never wanted to depend on a man to make me happy, maybe its just coincidence that finding Joel has changed my life. I went from a very overweight party girl who slept all day and stayed up all night, to a pretty functional person who works out 5 times a week to try to be healthier (and, honestly, fit into a cute wedding dress)

Man, how I wish that I was one of those curvey but svelt women.... oh but honey, my curves have curves :)

(I find that taking super flattering pictures of myself helps my self esteem.)
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I find that taking super flattering pictures of myself helps my self esteem.

True for me too! Modeling has done wonders for me by making me see my body as a work of art...
belenen ══╣╠══
who could this be?
writer_lilies ══╣who could this be?╠══
Yep. Average size is like 14-16 and the average weight is 160. I still have yet to get anywhere near that, but I don't plan to kill myself getting there either. I'm glad you're accepting yourself as you are though. I'd be happy to have your tummy.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
aww, thank you! My tummy is my 'depression spot' so compliments on it are a soothing balm.
invisibleglue ══╣beetori╠══
It's natural to be drawn towards 'pretty' people, but a lot of them aren't as beautiful inside.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
Oddly, I am not drawn to 'ideally pretty' people usually... something about them usually puts me off. But others strike me as gorgeous, though I can't pinpoint why. Honestly, I think it's my spirit seeing the beauty (or lack thereof) of theirs. But at the same time, I love to look at them, so it probably has a physical aspect.
moody_godess ══╣╠══
honestly, i think confidence is the core of beauty. you can throw ANY person into a crowd and if they exude confidence in themselves *not ego, but real confidence* people gravitate to them.

of course, tis difficult to acheive that. everyone has their own hang-ups.

right or wrong. i do think there are physically ugly people in this world. i mean facial features. weight doesnt necessarily equate to beauty in my book.

but even people with less physical attractiveness have beauty in who they are.

as far as women and their weight. its something i struggle with. the physche of 'i have to be thin to feel sexy'... do i believe that? no. i look at size 26 women and see beauty. but when i look at myself *size 12* i see imperfection. ... but as i get older, i become more accepting of myself. but im working hard to make my body feel better and be healthy. then ill feel better. no matter waht physical results i get. i like being curvey. but would still prefer to be a size 8. it cant be helped.

im a very visual person too. i dont process anything unless i can see it. it makes some aspects of my job highly difficult. cuz i cant learn by people explaining me things. so i have to repeat back a lot of things. oh well. :)

belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
i look at size 26 women and see beauty. but when i look at myself *size 12* i see imperfection.

I am the same way... I saw a photo of a professional bellydancer's belly, and I thought it was the most gorgeous, perfect belly I'd ever seen... and then I imagined that it was me and it looked fat to me all of a sudden! Oh the crazy mindsets we have.... ;-)
jedibubbles ══╣╠══
Linda Bergvist thinks in colors and describes her friends that way, just like you do!

I'll comment more on this post later--at work! gotta run!
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
I almost died from the cuteness of that icon. *furry adorableness!*
belenen ══╣╠══
eternitywaiting ══╣╠══
Awww....I love orange. Lovely orange Sparkleworks is my favorite Pony. :-P

I don't make judgements purely on a person's features, usually. I'm not saying it's unusual for me to find someone unattractive based purely on their face, but what tends to repel me is something in their eyes or the line of their mouths. I honestly think there are people who you can tell are just mean simply by looking at them. Those are the people that I considder unattractive, and they become ugly when they open their mouths and prove me right.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I find that the thing that most repels me is hearing a fake laugh or seeing bored eyes. Deadened eyes make me sad, because they mean pain, but bored eyes repel me, because they mean shallowness, usually...

But I also don't like crooked/gaped teeth (mainly because I don't like my own) -- that is the physical trait that repels me.
shespoke ══╣╠══
You are wonderfully close to being ok in your own skin. I think that's awesome. I definitely aspire to one day be able to be the same as you in that aspect.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
*hugs* Thank you sweetie!
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.