March 2018
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NOT about race or culture

This post is also not a discussion on race or culture. This is not meant to spark discussion. This is not meant to invite arguments. Please take me seriously.

Some of the comments on this post hurt me very much. (I have screened them to reduce drama) Perhaps I wasn't very clear, but I did my best to explain that I knew my point of view was skewed and wrong, and was not trying to make a point but merely expressing my feelings. For future reference, when I use my 'pain' icon and a sad-looking moodicon, that means that I am hurt, and I'd like for you to be gentle. That post in particular was one of the most painful ones I've written, I meant it when I said that I was crying throughout the whole thing.

I was very tempted to turn off comments for that post, but didn't because I believe that part of being open is listening to what others have to say -- and I'm glad I didn't, because there were some very understanding and gentle comments, and two in particular that blessed me.

One of the comments was from someone I love deeply, and had felt loved by. That commenter focused on the issue of race, not even acknowledging my pain. That really hurt because I felt that, to that person, the issue was so much more important than my feelings that next to the issue my pain didn't matter at all.

If I have ever made any of you feel that I consider an issue more important than your feelings, please tell me (comments are screened on this post too) so that I can apologise and be more careful in the future. There is no issue so large to me that I would ignore your pain to instruct you on the issue. If I felt strongly about an issue that you mentioned in telling about your hurt, I would either refrain from mentioning it, or tell you that I'd like to talk about that issue when you are feeling stronger.

Another person simply got very offended and told me so, in no uncertain terms. Fortunately this person was not quite as close to my heart, so it didn't hurt as much that they ignored my feelings. But it did make me feel very attacked, especially since I was expressing pure feeling without thought, so my heart was the area attacked and not my mind. And I had expressed in the post that I know I have wrong ideas and thoughts, so I do not understand why they felt it necessary to pound it into me that I am wrong.

I'm not going to defend anything I said in that post, nor am I going to explain. When I am feeling stronger and I have my thoughts together on the subject, I will explain my thoughts on white culture. Until then, PLEASE refrain from judging me, arguing with me, or accusing me about this subject.

feelings: hurt

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oblyvia ══╣╠══
I often post about race and religion as well. The problem is, and I'm not taking anyone's side here, is the sensitivity of these issues can blind people. Every time you post about something like this, you have to expect you are going to offend people. Unfortunately, even those dearest to us cant be guaranteed to act gently when offended.


That said, I think your posts are incredibly open and honest, and for that, they are beautiful, and so are you.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
They can't be guaranteed to act gently, but if they are my friend I do expect that they act gently, just because I would, so I'm disappointed if/when they don't...

Honestly, no thought of reaction went into that post, I just needed to get my feelings out.

I think your posts are incredibly open and honest, and for that, they are beautiful, and so are you.
Wow, thank you so much. I'm very blessed and pleased.
mental_coercion ══╣╠══
I read that post, and I can tell you none of my thoughts on it were critical towards you. I should have commented because I did feel some of the pain through your entry and what you were trying to express, but I didn't feel particularly comforting at that stage (sorry). Those people who did comment, negatively, had to be either very narrow-minded or fanatics to anti-racism, so much so that the mere words "black" and "race" triggered their emotions before being able to acknowledge your feelings. Which is obviously very selfish on their part. I hope you know there are enough people who understand you to counter those who don't. *hugs*
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
Thank you so much, I really appreciate you saying that.
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
:( I'm sorry people were so dismissive of your feelings. I personally saw nothing offensive in that entry - it was clear to me that you were letting out some of your negiative emotions, you know? *hugs*
belenen ══╣comfort╠══
thank you for being so understanding. *hugs back*
invisibleglue ══╣beetori╠══
I think it was very brave of you to express your true feelings.
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
thank you for suppoerting me. ;-)
kevloid ══╣╠══
well it is the kind of territory that invites opinions. and then other opinions. et cetera. disabling comments might've been a good option. hindsight is 20/20.

this is far easier said than done, but you shouldn't be hurt so easily. people you're invested in will always someimes say something that hurts you or that you don't like. but overall they're still the same people you care about, and that care about you. it's just carelessness, thoughtlessness. it's momentary and then it's gone.
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
It might not have seemed like it, but that entry exposed the most raw, hurting part of me. To have someone I trusted and loved ignore my feelings to criticize me hurt, and I don't think that's being too sensitive. On most posts, people can criticize and ignore all they want without hurting me -- that was an exception, because it was such a raw topic.

And it is true that people will always mess up and hurt you, because people aren't perfect. But that doesn't mean that I should expect them to hurt me -- then I'd go around not trusting anyone, not opening up. If they're going to hurt me, why trust? why share? I prefer to accept the occasional wounds in exchange for the ability to trust and be open.
kevloid ══╣╠══
why is it such a raw topic? or is that too personal?
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
it's so raw because I am really hurting about my relationship with Paula and Spencer. That's what the post was about, really, them and how the concept of race and culture mixed into that. It's painful because I love them and want their company more than they want mine, and I'm not sure how to deal with that... kinda like being in love with someone and them not loving you back, though I know they care about me it's not the way I WANT them to care about me.
nudegrandma ══╣╠══
It's tough when some friends on the list don't agree with you are understand what you were really trying to focus on. But this is a very understanding post on your part and I think that it shows maturity and will spark maturity in the responses. :) I have no fear that it will all be resolved...and I have no fear that you are something terrible or "off" or "wrong".

and you know, we all want to belong. :)
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
thank you, I really appreciate that. I put a lot of thought into this, trying to express my feelings without making people feel attacked, and you've made me feel like I did a pretty good job, which is a relief. Thank you.
inode_finder ══╣╠══
be safe...
mabels ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
mabels ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
Well, I have all my posts about them in my memories -- here. So you can read about them if you want to. And I might have made it sound like they might be racist, but Paula and Spencer are the least racist people I know. Spencer's daughter and Paula's mom are a bit racist, but other than that the whole family embraces diversity. I was totally incoherent in that post, the memoried posts are more clear about them and explain why I love them so much.
mabels ══╣╠══
I think I was just reacting to the idea that they wernt as open to you as you are hoping them to be, and I think from all the racial talk combined with that I got the impression they were racist.
mabels ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
mabels ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣comfort╠══
Re: continued
Thank you so much for being so concerned... I am sorry you worried, but glad to know you care.

I didn't mean that I loved one person more than the other, just that I felt closer to one than the other. But I feel closer to you now because of this whole thing, and that is a very good side effect of a rather uncomfortable event!

That hot drink and quiet skygazing sounds wonderful. Maybe we can do that sometime, we don't live terribly far away. You live in FL and I live in GA.
mabels ══╣╠══
Re: continued
That isnt far away at all...well depending on the cities. We could kayak together too ;)

belenen ══╣curious╠══
Re: continued
that would be so fun! I live just outside of ATL -- do you live in north or south FL?
mabels ══╣╠══
Re: continued
Im in Jax...its about a 6 hour drive to Atlanta.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Re: continued
ah, well, one of these days we'll have to meet in the middle or something. ;-)
mabels ══╣╠══
Re: continued
thesaj ══╣╠══
I personally have lost all respect for the black rights's bogus, it's hideous, it's sinful and destructive...and i know what i am sayin is politically incorrect...but straight up. Until the black community get's off their current train they're never going to get anywhere until:

a) they fight for equal rights and not black rights
b) treat other races with kindness particularly asians and yes even whites
c) learn history,...not all whites or even their ancestors were involved in slavery
d) realize that even if they're not judged by the color of their skin they may darn well be judged by their character
e) realize, they're NOT the only victims of racism
f) condemn the african role in slavery
g) forgive (give up the's ignorance)
h) give a damn about slavery going on right now in Sudan, asia and middle-east

Until then their cause will continue to decline into a self-serving ignored geo-political entity that will do nothing but brew further racism on all sides.

This all may sound harsh....and some may write me off as a racist (although I'm not,...i'm just an equalitist. In fact 2 of the 4 women I've ever dated were black). But I've also....

1. been repeatedly attacked (both verbally and physically) due to the color of my skin
2. denied entrance into programs and scholarships for my skin color
3. been forced to sit in certain sections of the bus due to the color of my skin
4. grew up poorer than most of the people complaining.....
5. had my family's land condemned and stolen to build projects minorities
6. been accused of owing blacks for slavery even though neither i nor my ancestors owned slave, in fact my family came to the U.S. several decades after slavery ended.
7. told that none of this could be true and that i never suffered racism because "i'm white", this by the head of the regional NAACP.

So, in truth, i've got plenty of reasons to BE a racist. I'm not, i choose to be an equalitist. Can I say I'm not prejudiced? no...sadly...not any longer. but i vow to not heed my prejudices outside of my safety and to not pass those on to my children. sadly, the exact opposite is going on in the black community. they are being told, taught and bred for hatred and prejudice. each generation is more hateful than the one before even though they've suffered less. it's sad....

belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
you may make some good points, but I'm not trying to start a discussion on race or culture right now.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.