Belenen (belenen) wrote,

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NOT about race or culture

This post is also not a discussion on race or culture. This is not meant to spark discussion. This is not meant to invite arguments. Please take me seriously.

Some of the comments on this post hurt me very much. (I have screened them to reduce drama) Perhaps I wasn't very clear, but I did my best to explain that I knew my point of view was skewed and wrong, and was not trying to make a point but merely expressing my feelings. For future reference, when I use my 'pain' icon and a sad-looking moodicon, that means that I am hurt, and I'd like for you to be gentle. That post in particular was one of the most painful ones I've written, I meant it when I said that I was crying throughout the whole thing.

I was very tempted to turn off comments for that post, but didn't because I believe that part of being open is listening to what others have to say -- and I'm glad I didn't, because there were some very understanding and gentle comments, and two in particular that blessed me.

One of the comments was from someone I love deeply, and had felt loved by. That commenter focused on the issue of race, not even acknowledging my pain. That really hurt because I felt that, to that person, the issue was so much more important than my feelings that next to the issue my pain didn't matter at all.

If I have ever made any of you feel that I consider an issue more important than your feelings, please tell me (comments are screened on this post too) so that I can apologise and be more careful in the future. There is no issue so large to me that I would ignore your pain to instruct you on the issue. If I felt strongly about an issue that you mentioned in telling about your hurt, I would either refrain from mentioning it, or tell you that I'd like to talk about that issue when you are feeling stronger.

Another person simply got very offended and told me so, in no uncertain terms. Fortunately this person was not quite as close to my heart, so it didn't hurt as much that they ignored my feelings. But it did make me feel very attacked, especially since I was expressing pure feeling without thought, so my heart was the area attacked and not my mind. And I had expressed in the post that I know I have wrong ideas and thoughts, so I do not understand why they felt it necessary to pound it into me that I am wrong.

I'm not going to defend anything I said in that post, nor am I going to explain. When I am feeling stronger and I have my thoughts together on the subject, I will explain my thoughts on white culture. Until then, PLEASE refrain from judging me, arguing with me, or accusing me about this subject.

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