Belenen (belenen) wrote,

  • Mood:

shake it off / sanctity of space / am I wasting time? / happy sexual pleasure

If you're wondering why I haven't commented on your fascinating posts, it's because I've been lazy and antisocial lately... also nervous about LJ in general. I will catch up though.

I hate the idea that someone can just waltz into my flat whenever the hell they want. That's basically what it says in the lease "during reasonable hours" which for me are unreasonable because I am in the habit of going to sleep at about 7am (when Ben goes to work) and waking up between 2pm and 4pm. And I sleep naked. And when I'm not asleep I'm usually naked (or in only bra & thong) unless I'm planning to go out. I hate clothes (unless it's cold). It makes me feel unsafe and spied-upon for the property manager to have a copy of the key to my flat. Ah, well, it's the downside to having a pleasant, cheap space to live in.

I worry that I'm just wasting time. My counselor is very busy for the next two months, which means I only have two appointments for the next month and a half. Maybe that's all I can handle, I don't know. I just want to dive in and get it all over with! I need to contact her and ask her what I can do so that the in-between time isn't wasted.

And I am desperately lonely.

But on a happy note! I have been so in love with Ben lately, so uninhibited in comparison to before! This taking-authority thing is amazing. Ben is amazing. Sex is amazing. That part of my life has been slowly and steadily improving, in such a sweet and steamy way. I hate condoms though, we need to get me on the patch again. (I take that back-- condoms can be fun, but not for sex 'cause I'm allergic to latex) Which reminds me -- my period was almost two weeks late, and when it finally arrived I was so delighted I shouted "Hallelujah!" Pregnancy would mean postponing counseling, and I do not want that.
Tags: recovery / therapy / healing, sex

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