So, this time at counseling, we realized that I had never broken soul ties with my perpetrators. I should explain that. I believe that every time you have sexual activity with someone, there is at least a small amount of transference, and a bond of some sort is formed. And that happens regardless of how meaningless the sex is... So basically, parts of my soul were wandering around with those people who molested/raped/whatevered me. So we prayed over it, and she took authority and broke the soul ties, and then prayed that God would gather those parts of me and bring them back to make me whole. I immediately felt lighter. It amazes me that we didn't do that a long time ago... it's such a basic step. I'm very glad that I'm no longer connected with those people, I feel like those connections had held me back many times... It was a short session, only 45 minutes or so (instead of the usual 90-120 minutes), but she felt God saying that was the point of the session, so we wrapped it up.
Before we left, I showed her my jewelry site on the computer in the office, and she oohed and ahhed, but she was at least as impressed with my html skills as my jewelry -- I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or miffed. ;-) (I chose to be flattered.)
She usually gives me a ride to bellydancing, but since it was a short session, she decided to go get lunch, and she asked if she could get me something -- she bought me lunch and a starbucks frapp, yummmmy. I always feel guilty though, accepting gifts like that. I wish I could just believe that the person offering is doing it sincerely, and accept it with ease.
On our way there, I asked Patricia how she got into dancing, and she told me that she had loved dancing ever since she was a little kid and she saw her first dancer -- a stripper at a burlesque show. The way she told that story convinced me that she would not have a problem with nude modeling and would quite likely be supportive. I didn't have the opportunity to talk to her about it yet, but I have definitely decided to.
Bellydancing was fun as usual -- this time we have three newbies for a class of five, which is more fun than last time. Also, I'm not the clumsiest anymore, yay! But good grief! I don't know what it was, but that hour and a half was more of a workout than any of the other classes I went to. The next day I ached all over all day, in places that didn't even feel used last time.
There was a lady who came for the class after mine who was wearing long dangly earrings -- so I told her she should check out my site, 'cause I make earrings like that (and I showed her the ones I was wearing). She was enthusiastic, and said that I should bring my jewelry by the shop where she works, because she's one of the buyers and she might be able to work something out with me. Yay!
I'm not going to get too explicit -- I just have to say that I can tell I'm healing. Sex just keeps getting better and better and better... oh, and Friday night we tried out some new positions. Ben has a new favorite, but it's not too thrilling to me -- we'll have to try it again and see if he can manage to balance with his hands free for my grape clusters.
We had to walk out on PJ so we could get to the restaurant on time to meet Del (jedibubbles) and Joe (nikare), but it was all good. We had quite an lovely evening -- Ben and Joe talked about gamer stuff and Del and I had more intellectual conversation about costuming and various other things... And Del gave me my (very late, but I don't care) birthday present, a gorgeous journal she bound herself with eleven vivid violet ribbons -- ah, how well she knows me!!! I shall have to get a photo of it and post it. And she put a waistband in my crimson skirt, so now I can wear it without it slipping slowly off of my hips -- yay! I may commission her to make me a corset -- but that depends on how much time she has. I told her to go into fashion design 'cause she lights up whenever she talks about it, and she's extremely talented. Fortunately for me, I'm interested in all the aspects of costuming.