July 2018
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I felt God's presence and danced with abandon

Last Saturday was amazing. We actually go to church on time for worship, and the worship was absolutely incredible from start to finish. I danced at my seat and as I danced I felt God's presence so strongly. It wasn't quite physical, but I felt him so strongly spiritually that it was almost physical. He was standing behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist, dancing with me. I even tried changing the rhythm, and it felt awkward (like it does when you dance with someone in a different rhythm than they are dancing), so I went back to his rhythm. It was amazing... I felt loved, and I felt like soothing balm was being poured on my wounds.

Then they finished with the worship and moved on to praise songs, and I had to dance all out, so I went up front and danced my heart out, my body flowing and following my spirit without hesitation. (well, with only a tiny bit of hesitation -- I had a skirt on so I didn't want to throw my legs about too wildly and moon everyone) One lady came running up shortly after I went up front, and for a moment we danced together, delighted at the unity of our spirits.

I have danced before -- depending on how much I felt God's spirit. When I am disconnected from worship I can't even sing, but when I feel his presence I just have to dance. It has been a long time since I have danced in worship, though... the last time was before I knew that I had been sexually abused. Me being able to dance again shows that I'm beginning to trust God again, and express love for him.

But even though I have danced, I have never danced like that. The only way I could have danced with more abandon would be if I was wearing pants (instead of a skirt) or if I was naked (which wouldn't fly even in my unusual church, I'm sorry to say). There was just such intense joy...


and later, the lady who offered to mentor me came up and asked for my contact info. She said, "If you're too shy to call, I'll reach out to you!" So now I feel pretty confident that she meant what she said. She also came up to me last week and asked how I was and why I hadn't called... I told her that I had been doing better and hadn't felt the need to call. It makes me feel more secure just to know that she definitely is willing to be there if I need her.

feelings: happy
sounds: "When The Spirit Of The Lord" in my head

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eternitywaiting ══╣chococat╠══
Your church sounds....interesting. (That's not an insult, honestly. :-P)

I don't understand churches, really (having never actually been to services, myself) so I have a hard time picturing you dancing away in church. The only churches I'm familiar with (well, the interiors at least) are the crazily ornate Catholic ones, and I can't really picture anyone dancing in front of a marble statue of Mary and Jesus.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
heh. Our church is interesting. I think you would even like to visit -- probably not go regularly, but I think you would find a visit very intriguing.

And you're right, most churches tend to be more sedate -- I don't like those, usually...
maladroitkat ══╣╠══
Your church sounds positively amazing.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
I adore it. I've been to many different churches, and never found one like this one.
moody_godess ══╣╠══
im glad you're finding peace.

dance your socks off sweetie. :)

belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
thank you. ;-) xoxo!
ex_alariya46 ══╣╠══
Oh, Bel, that just sounds so exciting that you were able to dance like that with such (almost complete) wild abandon!!! :) I am happy for you - and oh, so excited about getting to spend Saturday with you!!!

belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Thank you for being happy/excited for me! ;-)
abstractfish ══╣╠══
I know that feeling, but not to that degree. it's not that it feels so liberating to dance, but that you feel so constricted when you aren't dancing. I wish I was a better dancer, or was more uninhibbited so I could dance when I'm around people. any pointers?
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Heh, the only way I can be uninhibited is if I am worshipping -- God is more important to me than what others think (at least when I'm worshipping he is). Otherwise, I'm still working on it.
sidheblessed ══╣ponr╠══
I know the feeling.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
yay! It's thrilling.
shespoke ══╣╠══
I'm glad you were able to let go and d-a-n-c-e and that your relationship with God is healing. :)

And that lady DOES sound sincere. So take her offer. It's probably just another way that God is trying to take care of you.

belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
Thank you sweetie. I love knowing that you're happy for me.
carodus ══╣╠══
that sort of spiritual freedom and excitement doesn't happen all the time - so I guess that's why it always feels so special when it does.
belenen ══╣passionate╠══
It used to happen all the time with me, though, and I expect that it will again when I am healed... but every time is like the only time.
evileve ══╣╠══
sounds exactly how I feel God.
I drum, as well.
The only place to worship like I want is at pagan(wiccan) gatherings, but I'm not pagan.

Too bad there isn't a church around here where you can do that.
The boi and I are on the lookout for one.

CS Lewis is brilliant.
faetal ══╣╠══
I'm just in the middle of re reading the Narnia Series and everytime they are with Him there is great rejoicing and dancing. A big party springs up around him..

When I read Bel's post my first thought was about those books..

evileve ══╣╠══
He wrote many wonderful and logical theology books as well.
Check out "Mere Christianity".
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
I wish you guys lived a bit closer. One of these days you'll have to come visit, though. Where is it that you live now?

You know what would be so awesome? If you and I went out and worshipped together sometime!
evileve ══╣╠══
barnesville, 55 miles south of atl., and that would be nice.
(Anonymous) ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
interdenominational multi-cultural charismatic Christian. heh heh.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.