April 2018
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a little better...

I'm feeling a bit better today because I wrote to Patricia

Hi Patricia,
I just talked to Evelyn, and she wasn't able to schedule me until July 9th, so I am wondering whether I should do the restoration series or not. I remembered you saying something about a book that you didn't want me to read until we had times set up so that you could kinda walk me through it, and I'm not sure if that was part of the restoration series or not.

I'm feeling very discouraged right now.

kristen (I was so depressed I couldn't even bring myself to sign my usual way, which is -Kris†en-)

and she wrote me back

Hi Kristen

Yes... by all means take the restoration series... the book I spoke to you about will be given out as part of the curriculum. The first seven weeks, will be dealing with topics covered by the talks, and the following 12 weeks will consist of a support group where we will work on the book and the workbook "Wounded Heart." So YES... please sign up.

Remember all things work for the good... maybe God has you waiting so that things can get stirred up in the meantime so when you start the Restoration Series, you will be "ripe."

I'm praying for you daily and trust that God is in control.

By the way I have a Restoration Workshop this Sat. so we will not have Belly Dancing class. Can you come this Thursday night instead? The class starts at 8 PM and ends at 9:30 PM. It would be great to see you and I think the dancing will be just what you need to pick up your spirits.

Hope to see you Thursday.



And no, I didn't go to bellydancing because I just didn't feel up to it... and I kinda wanted to but I had a hard time even getting out of bed, and I didn't want to push my body for 1.5 hours... lazy. And now of course I'm having second thoughts about it... when it's too LATE. What do you motivate yourself with when you can't see a goal? I'm disillusioned.

I was doing so well for a while, and now I'm sleeping for 10-14 hours a day and feeling drowsy for my waking time. I want to scream and flail about and kill and die. What is WRONG with me? Hm. I just remembered that I have been forgetting to take authority... and I think it also has something to do with Ben, but I'm not sure what.

*huge sigh*

feelings: discontent
connecting: ,

back to top

metal rose
gyrlcentric ══╣metal rose╠══
just be
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
*expresses sympahty*

when i'm unmotivated short-term (i don't know if you're talking about just today, just for a week or two, or if you're talking about long term goals) when i need to get motivated for the moment, good music and lights help me. if it's dark (days when it's cloudy out really get me down) or i don't have some goo dmusic to get me moving, i have a really hard time getting moving as well.

if you're talking about long term though, i can't help... we're in the same boat!!
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
yes, I meant short-term motivation... and lights have a huge effect on me too. We use halogen bulbs because if we used the regular ones I'd be down all the time... just the quality of the light.
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
i just got these awesome pink shades that make everything look kind of rosy, and they make me really happy as soon as i put them on.

adversely, i got a pair of groovy *green* shades, and they actually make me kind of depressed!! pink light makes the kat smile, green light makes her sad.
sidheblessed ══╣ponr╠══
We all go in cycles dear. Sometimes we need a break anbd being unmotivated can be our body's way of telling us.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
good point!
chillychilly22 ══╣╠══
Just don't think about having to do it, just do it. If you give yourself that 1 minute to analyze it when your feeling unmotivated, you're lazy side is gonna win.

The hard part is starting/initiating but once you're doing it the ball will start rolling, and you'll be happy you did it for two reasons 1. It got your mind off feeling blah and 2. you conquered your laziness.
belenen ══╣shimmering╠══
That is very good advice, I shall have to take it next time. Not rationalize, not think, just live. Thank you!
wandrlost ══╣╠══
i can empathise with the down periods. and yes, it does take authority over the self to get through them sometimes. but don't try to do it all at once.

y'know, my pics weren't chosen in the pic taking meme, but looking back i woulda said a pic of you belly dancing. i wanna see the costume!
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
Well, my costume is of yet unfinished (I have the skirts and the accessories but no top yet, bah) so I can't share yet... but in the future it will likely happen!

With the pic-taking meme, I plan to do them all, I just haven't done them all yet. ;-)
juansrx ══╣*kur1╠══
You are the only one who can decide over what do you like/want to do and when, how, and were to do it.

P.S: I prefer kickboxing...: )
angeleyes831 ══╣╠══
*huggles* that is a lot of sleep. I'm sorry you are feeling down and depressed. I wish I could help :/ but I don't know what to do. I do suggest you keep going, you probably would have felt better after going to the bellydancing class but I understand the lack of motivation. Bah! Take care and if I can do anything let me know
belenen ══╣gentle╠══
Thank you for the encouragement. ;-) *hugs back*
abstractfish ══╣╠══
maybe your on the verge of a growth spurt? hahaha. sometimes I'm tired for weeks on end, other times Ihave more energy than I know what to do with. I try not to quesiton it, and just accept that I am "this" or I am "that".
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
heh. I doubt I'll be growing any more, but I've made my peace with that. I'd rather be short than tall or average anyway. ;-) (I'm 5 ft, 4 in)
shespoke ══╣╠══
I'm sorry you're feeling so discourage right now. I also sleep more when I'm depressed. It's like the first big sign that I know something's up with my mood besides the whole overcast feeling you get. I hope you figure out what's bothering you so you can work through it and feel better. Much love. <3
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
Much love back, thank you. ;-)
paperwings21 ══╣╠══
Sometimes I go through bouts where I sleep alot too. Usually when I'm under alot of stress.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
*nod* It's a way to escape.
paperwings21 ══╣╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.