Last night I prayed with Ben and finally forgave my dad for being mean and making me feel ugly. I really forgave him, and I feel changed. I'm no longer weighed down by his words.
SO un-weighed-down, in fact, that I have my libido back! In full force! No inhibitions! We were sitting in the parking lot before church today (we got there early) and I just out of the blue got the urge to stroke him, and did, and got really aroused by his arousal. I finally convinced him to let me suck on him (he's not much of an exhibitionist, unlike m'self) which he allowed for only a little while (he was worried that someone was going to park next to us). I was ready to climb on top of him! I woulda done it, too! But Ben, eternally concerned for others, restrained me. What is awesome about this is that I instigated it on instict and desire, not because I wanted to please him or make him feel loved. SO AWESOME!!!!! And then tonight we got home and I fucked him -- we were all over the bed and the floor trying new positions. I'm so EXCITED! And finally I get aroused by just looking at him again! YAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!